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Hot: IC Belt, Jericho, Molson Products...
Not: Nash, Dead Crowds, Sobriety
May 6, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Well folks, it's been fun!

As of tonight, I am stepping down from my recapping duties of Raw. As I have stated before, my new job has me in very early in the mornings, so by the time Raw gets finished, I'm going to need to be asleep. The only other option would be for me to tape Raw and do the recap Tuesday afternoon. That, however, would mean the recap would actually get posted in the Wednesday update (or late Tuesday night, if Rick was feeling generous) and that wouldn't be fair to you, the reader. Best to have another full recapper take over and provide you with a quality and timely update. Hopefully, that recapper is in place and will be able to hook you up for both shows next week, as I will be taking a small vacation to recharge my batteries before taking my new job, and I will be back to reassume my duties with the May 22d SmackDown.

Thanks to everyone who has sent me their praise and criticisms (thankfully, much more of the former than the latter) over the course of my tenure as the Raw recapper, and hopefully you will continue to enjoy my SmackDown recaps.

And now, on with the wrasslin!

15 minutes out, Live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and Tonight, Christian is the first victim for Goldberg. Also, the Bischoff/Austin Fac-gime begins tonight! What'll happen? Who will prevail? Who has my pants? Find out in 15 minutes! Oh, and Happy Cinco De Mayo!

We are started off with an "In Memory of" Graphic for Miss Elizabeth.

WWE Leader, and Despite Stone Cold being in da hizzouse, Eric is still smiling, but he's joined by that very same Stone Cold expressing just what he thinks.

Last week, Eric tried to mack on Linda McMahon, but she said, "Nuh uh!" and gave us Stone Cold to keep Eric in line. Aww, man, no KICK!WHAM!STUNNER! review.

"They Refuse to see the change in me, Why won't they..." GLASS SHATTERS! and Stone Cold is out to drive the Halifax crowd nuts. He has the Mysterious Briefcase! Maybe we'll FINALLY find out who raised it! Before he gets too into anything, he wants to send a shout out to Linda for giving him the Co-General Manager spot. He was going to just take it easy, keep it low profile, then he realized that it would clash with the gimmick. He informs us that tonight, the Lawsuit is lifted and he's going to throw a beer bash, in the middle of this very ring! But before that happens, He has a few announcements. First off, at Judgment Day, there will be a Battle Royal to determine the new Intercontinental Champion! The Battle Royal is open to any former holder of the Intercontinental title. Before he can get much farther, Bischoff and Chief Morley are out to spoil the party. Stone Cold encourages an "asshole" chant for Bischoff, which Eric doesn't like. Eric emphasizes that they are the "CO" managers, and that he should have consulted him before reinstating the IC title. But, Eric agrees with the title reinstatement, and has an announcement of his own. At Judgment Day, HHH will take on Kevin Nash for the World Championship. Stone Cold has one more announcement that he didn't consult Eric about. Seems he's hired someone: His good old buddy, JR! JR is out to the ring to the uproarious cheers. Eric Fires him right off, Stone Cold rehires him, and they shoot back and forth until Stone Cold grabs Eric’s mic and informs him that he's trying hard not to lose his temper. Stone Cold has an alternative: How about they wrestle for JR's job? Eric loves the idea, but due to Linda McMahon’s stipulations, they can't touch each other, so the match can't happen. Stone Cold says Eric is scared, Eric denies, and they shoot back and forth like this until Chief intercepts Eric’s mic, and then offers to wrestle in Eric's place. But not against Stone Cold. Oh no, JR's Job is on the line, so JR should wrestle for it. Stone Cold balks at the idea, and then racks his brain for a suitable representative for JR. At this point, King gets up and volunteers himself for the job. Stone Cold likes the idea, and he and Eric shake on it. Stone Cold then lets Eric know that the match will happen right now! King Makes his way to the ring and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial: Chief knocks King down a couple times. Ref splits them up; King comes back with a couple Clotheslines and Dropkicks(!) King has Chief down driving fists into his face. Ref pulls him off, and Chief gets a knee up to stop King's assault. Chief with some offense, but King grabs Chief and hits the Piledriver! Chief kicks out, tho, so King goes for a flying Elbow. Chief moves, tho and Chief eats canvas. Chief up and pounding King down. Vertical Suplex hat trick. Chief up for a flying elbow of his own, and he gets it. Chief covers, But King kicks out! Chief pounds on King for a bit, but King stops Chief as he tries to ram him into the corner. Haymakers connect. King tries to whip off the ropes, but Eric trips him up. Stone Cold goes after Eric, and the ref tries to separate them. Off camera, Chief gets a DDT, and sets up for the money shot. While Chief is up top, JR sneaks up behind him and shoves him off. King is up on the second rope, Fist Drop, Cover, 1-2-3!

After the match, Eric yells at Chief, they argue, and Eric slaps Chief for failing. Chief gets the "Extremely not happy" look on his face, and storms out after Eric. In the ring, Stone Cold calls Coach in to the ring. Coach is in, and Stone cold sizes the three of them up, and decides, "Aww hell, we can have the three of ya!" They all nod in agreement, But Stone Cold reverses his decision, decides that we only need two, and KICK!WHAM!STUNNER! on Coach. King and JR are dumbfounded at Stone Colds actions, and he has a good laugh.

Backstage, Chief has caught up with Eric, and they argue a bit. Eric was embarrassed, so Morley is fired. AS he is walking away, Stone Cold meets him and wonders why he's got the long face. Chief tells him and Stone Cold pulls him back and berates Eric for firing Chief without consulting him. Chief rubs it in Eric's face, But Stone Cold agrees with Eric and fires him anyway. Funny stuff!

King accidentally calls JR "Coach" at the announce position and they go over Goldberg’s decimation of Three Minute Warning last week, then Hype Goldberg’s first match tonight against Christian.

Backstage, Test and Steiner try to out flex each other. Stacy comes in and says that they will make great tag team champions, and just imagine what'll happen when the Freaks rub up against the Testicles. Everyone shares a collective groan and they head out as we go to commercial.

Back and RVD and Kane are out and the Production crew have FINALLY combined their entrances. Kane calls the match by lighting the ringposts. Out come Scott Steiner and Test and this match is for the Tag Titles. 

Steiner and RVD start. RVD shows off with a couple kicks. Steiner isn't impressed. RVD gets the chant along, and they lock up. Steiner overpowers RVD to start, hitting a few power moves. RVD gets free, though, hits a dropkick, then a split legged moonsault. RVD kicking Steiner out and following up with a slingshot body press. RVD doesn't take long to start playing Rickey Morton tho. Steiner and Test take turns on RVD, RVD getting some token offense in here and there. RVD finally gets away when Test goes for a Powerbomb. RVD flips out of it and goes for a victory roll. Test grabs him by the throat and tries for a Baldo Bomb; which RVD reverses with a dropkick to the mush. Hot tag to Kane, and Kane taking everyone out. Kane up, Flying Clothesline on Test. He goes for the chokeslam, but Steiner is in with the t-bone suplex. RVD answers with a flying kick, which Test in turn comes back by posting him. Pump handle slam on Kane, he kicks out. Test up and hits the big boot, RVD breaks up the cover. Test goes after RVD, going for a pump handle slam for him. RVD slides off and ducks a big boot that Steiner ends up eating. Kane with the Goozle, chokeslam! RVD hits the 5***** frog splash, Kane Covers, 1-2-3! Champs retain. RVD and Kane celebrate with some hype for Trish and Jazz later on and we go to commercial.

Back, and we get a nice view of the outside of the arena, and backstage Stone Cold hangs a picture of himself that is noticeably larger than Eric’s. Eric wonders what he's doing, and questions the multitude of Beer on the table and the desk that Stone Cold wants in the room. Hilarity ensues when Stone Cold tilts up the couch to make room for the Desk.

Meanwhile, Kevin Nash is walking! He's going to be on Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel, Next!

We're back, JR and King question Christian’s intelligence for a second, and we are live again for Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel! In the ring are a pair of chairs and a couple pieces of Modern Art. Chris pauses for a second to soak in a Y2J chant. He shoots back at Roddy Pipers comments, telling him it's time to stock up on wheat germ and slim fast because "This is as talented as it gets baby!" He announces his entrance into the IC title battle royal, then goes over HHH's pin on Nash at Backlash, and then chastises Nash's "Typically American" violent response last week. He lets Kevin know that he's going to have to pay for those windows out of his own pocket. Enough of that, he calls Kevin out. Kevin in the ring, setting off a bit of Pyro. Jericho comments on the Pyro, and Nash tells him to SHUT UP! Nash Yells that HHH tried to cave his skull in and he's still standing. This meets with mixed boos and cheers. He calls HHH out, and Chris Jericho informs him that HHH is his OTHER GUEST for tonight. AS HHH comes out, Nash takes Jericho and tosses him. They stare each other down for a bit, and as HHH makes his way to the ring, Nash is focused on him. Jericho sneaks in, tho, and gives Nash the uppernut. HHH in to thank Jericho and start the beat down on Nash. HHH grabs a chair, and hits Nash in the back. As he goes for the Pedigree, tho, Nash reverses into a Back Body Drop. Nash commences to pound on HHH, tossing him out of the ring. When HHH lands, he goes for something, but apparently drops it as Nash continues the beat down outside of the ring. HHH busts himself open on the steps, and they fight up the ramp. Refs and officials try to break it up. Mark Coale taken out. Terry Taylor taken out. Fit Finlay tells Nash to piss off and Nash knows who not to fuck with! They continue to fight out to the street, Where HHH stumbles into the path of an SUV. To the chagrin of Internet Smarks everywhere, it actually stops before hitting him. The driver gets out and HHH throws him around and steals his truck. Nash seethes that he got away and takes out another Techie that tells him to just let it go. We go to commercial. Crowd has absolutely no idea to what to make of HHH and Nash, only getting about a mild "Ooo!" when either of them took a bump.

Back from commercial, and moments ago, Kevin and HHH had a small tiff.

As they clean up the bodies from HHH and Nash's fight, Chris Jericho smirks. Stone Cold interrupts his reverie and asks if he's proud of himself. Chris answers to the affirmative. Stone Cold then tells Jericho that he's decided to put him in the main event next week. Chris is happy to hear this until he is told against whom: Kevin Nash.

Back in the arena, and King and JR talk about the events of the night and Booker T is out for a match. His opponent: Lance Storm, swelling with patriotic pride and waving the Canadian flag around. JR calls it sucking up. I suddenly long for Coach back in the commentary seat.

Booker tries throwing Storm around, but Lance comes back with the Greco Roman eye poke to take control. Booker into the corner, but he switches places and delivers a couple knife-edges. Whipped to the opposite corner, Booker reverse leapfrogs over Lance, catching him on the way down. Lance rolls through it, tho, and locks in a Sharpshooter and the crowd goes nuts. Booker makes the ropes. Lance with the boots for Booker, flying heel kick, cover, gets 2. Lance tries for more stuff, but Booker comes back with a spine buster. Cover gets 2. More Booker in control. Match ends when Booker hits the Side Kick, hit's a spineroonie then turns around into a Lance Storm sidekick. Lance Covers, but Booker kicks out. Lance can't believe it! Booker with the shot to the gut, this time the Axe kick connects, Cover 1-2-3. Booker up to celebrate, and off comes the hair band!

Backstage, Le Resistance find Stacy by herself. They laugh at Steiner and Tests loss tonight, and then offer for Stacy to manage them. The tell her "Don't be afraid, then walk off speaking French.

Back from Commercial, Le Resistance are out wearing beret's. King Makes a funny about people wearing stupid hats. Already in the ring are Tommy Dreamer and Spike Dudley, wearing fashionable Dudley t-shirts.

Sylvian and Tommy start. Sylvian tries to dominate, but Tommy gets a hiptoss. Tag to Spike, comes in with a fist to the shoulder. Sylvian takes over, tag to Rene, who misses an elbow drop to start. Spike back up, sliding out between Sylvians legs, pulling him down, and laying him out with a right. Spike back in, and keeping the momentum up with Rene, but Sylvian pulls the ropes down and Spike takes a tumble. Spike rolled back in and Rene takes over. Rene with a cheap shot on Tommy and they hit a couple double team moves on Spike. Rene with the chin lock, Spike powers up and gets away. Spike with the spearing head butt, and tag to Tommy. Tommy comes in with a spine buster, and hits a nice looking neck breaker/DDT combo. Body slam to Rene, tag to Spike, and Spike jumps down on Rene's chest. Spike rally's, but runs right into a double flapjack. Rene covers, 1-2-3, and Le Resistance get their first win.

After, Le Resistance beat down on Tommy with his own kendo stick. Steiner runs in and puts a stop to that. When the Frenchmen start getting the better of him, Test is out to even the odds. Frenchmen tossed (I'm surprised they didn't just surrender outright!) and Steiner and Test can at least agree to beat down on foreigners that hit on Tests girlfriend.

Back, and Eric is talking to someone on the phone. He complains that Stone Cold is harshing his groove, and tells Mrs. McMahon that he can't work like this. Mrs. McMahon puts him in his place, Eric tries to hit on her again, and she hangs up on him.

Elsewhere, Terri has Christians ear. Christian throws himself into the new peoples champion gimmick wholeheartedly, and promises that Goldberg will start a new streak tonight: A losing streak.

But first, it's Trish vs. Jazz, Next. No White Boy challenge tonight, I guess.

The burn of the Night is Trish getting worked over last week.

Trish is out. One would have thought that she would have broken out the Canada tights tonight. I guess not. Jazz (With Teddy Long and Rodney Mack) is out.

Lock up, and Jazz takes control with a takedown. She gets vicious with a couple forearms across the face, but Trish comes back with a couple arm drag takedowns. Rollup, cover, Jazz kicks right out. Trish looks for a German Suplex, but Jazz stops that by running her into the ropes. Back kick sends Trish down, Cover gets two. Jazz dominating for a minute until Trish comes back with a Lou Thesz press and some knife-edge Chops. Jazz has an elbow for a charging Trish, tho, and goes to the top rope. Trish goes for the Trishacanrana, but Jazz shoves her off. Trish up for a 10 punch count along. Teddy Long up to try using the shoe again, but he slips and falls. Jazz shoves Trish off and goes for a rope assisted cover, but Trish still kicks out. Trish keeping the offense up, hits the Stratusfaction, and covers. Ref, however is distracted by Victoria who wants a piece of Trish RIGHT NOW! Trish has a right hand for her, but Teddy slides Jazz the belt and Trish eats a belt shot as she's walking back. Jazz ditches the belt, covers, ref counts 3, and Jazz holds onto the belt for another week.

Up next, Goldberg’s first squash, and Stone Cold's beer party!

Back, and Christian is out to take on Goldberg. 7 minutes to the hour. I don't really think this is going to be an iron man epic.

Goldberg makes his way through the back locker room, and WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO TO HIS SHORTS? Damn, those are ugly.

But wait, before the match can start, 3MW are out and Rico has the stick. They haven’t forgotten what happened last week, and Rico outlines the gauntlet that Goldberg is about to run. Jamal goes first, with Rico running in right after, and Rosey following. They all get some basic jobber offense, with Jamal actually getting a Samoan drop to set up a 3MW waffle stomp. This doesn't last long as Goldberg gets a double clothesline, then Jackhammers Rico for the pin. Goldberg calls Christian back after, but gets Stone Cold. Stone Cold is in the ring and informs us that the beer bash starts now. He locks eyes with Goldberg and asks him if he's got a problem with that. Goldberg says hell yeah he has a problem with that. Stone Cold knows what Goldberg wants, Christian. He makes the match, but that's not good enough fro Goldberg. So he makes the match a no holds barred inside a steel cage. Goldberg declares that that dog will hunt, and Stone Cold goes on with the party. He stops and gives a couple to Goldberg, and that brings the Molsonettes out with pretty much the entire backstage tech crew and we finish off with the party in the ring. This goes on for a good 5 minutes, we see Goldberg and Stone cold spit out most of the beer until we finally get the fade out, WWE logo, and we are gone.

Ok, one more week of solid storytelling, hopefully leading up to some decent payoff in 13 days at Judgment Day. Stone Cold's first night on the job was pretty successful, as he tapped the fans with that old Stone Cold vibe that we love to see in short spurts. Wrestling seemed a bit off, more like most of the matches tonight were exhibitions (especially Storm/Booker), and it was actually kind of embarrassing to see HHH and Nash brawl to almost zero crowd reaction. Jericho, as always was gold on the mic, and Christian seems to be stepping into his new role nicely. Goldberg was Goldberg, the boo's of Backlash seem to be long forgotten. Another good effort this week. Now, hopefully next week they'll find a good contender for the Tag Belts and maybe play up the IC battle royal with more announcements from competitors and Raw side will be set to contribute a nice solid side of Judgment Day.

See you at SmackDown!


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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