Wrestling News, Analysis and Commentary

News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info

Donate to Online Onslaught!
     Daily Onslaught
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
     Title Wave
Crashing the

     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
SK Rants
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!

Who's (the) Next (Member of Evolution)?
June 17, 2003

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com


Boy, for a guy who said he was just doing this till I could find somebody to take the job permanently, I've sure been showing up here a lot on Tuesdays, haven't I?  This is like six in a row...  maybe I just feel so guilty about being unable to fulfill my Friday obligations so many times recently (and coming up again this week, probably)?

Well, I ain't complaining too hard.  As long as RAW stays fun, recapping should stay pretty fun, too...  let's see if they give me good reason to come back next week for #7:

Intro Montage/Credits/Pyro: and then cut to your hosts Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for a few words of pro-Bad Blood, pro-RAW hype before we send it quickly to the ring.

Opening Promo:  Mick Foley

Foley's out to a big pop, and what's that in his hand?  A book of some kind.  I sure hope he tells us all about it.  Foley says he knows he told us a week ago that he'd be back to his normal life on June 16th (i.e. today), but it felt so good to be back in the ring, that THAT was like his home.  He said he'd also be back next Monday at MSG, but then that would be it for a while.  Then it was on to the Cheap Plug/Cheap Pop Foley combo:  his book is "Tietum Brown," and he'll be doing a 20 city book tour in support of it, so come out and visit and buy the book.  Then he thanks Dallas, TX, (YAY!) for their support and starts telling us about how being inside the Cell last night reminded him of who he was, when all of a sudden, some strange new music hits....

Ah, it's the new Group Intro for Evolution (featuring Flair, Orton, and Triple H doing a lot of WALKING!  I think they might have been going for a Reservoir Dogs sort of thing)...  when they get to the ring, it's Randy Orton who asks for a mic (Foley, hilariously but off-mic, starts laughing and saying, "HE's doing your talking?!?").  Orton does his level best to diss Foley for being retired by HHH, falling short of Ric Flair in terms of being a living legend, and simply not being as pretty and third-generationy as he, Randy Orton, is.  But Foley retorts, and just cuts loose, saying just about everything about Randy Orton that jock-sniffing smart marks would love to say if they had even a shred of testicular fortitude.  Orton may have potential, but he's nothing compared to Mick Foley, he's not even anything compared to HHH or Flair, because he hasn't once shown the heart or desire of a true superstar.
Evolution eventually gets down to the real business of why they're here: they're going to invite a member of the RAW roster to be the new member of their group by the end of the night.  Funny, their fancy new entrance video just debuted tonight, and there's only the three guys in it...  are they TRYING to make more work for the poor production staff?  Anyway, it is suggested that maybe, just maybe, Mick Foley could be the invitee.  But Mick pretty much ruins his chances by asking, "Why the hell would I want to be a member of a wannabe Four Horsemen?"  That gets Flair to exude "outrage," and it all eventually builds up to Foley openly telling Evolution that he might not be able to wrestle them in a match, but that shouldn't stop them from taking their best shot at him in a fight.  So they spread out and eventually surround Mick... and then they attack.

The beatdown only lasts about 30 seconds though, before Mick is saved by Al Snow and Maven.  Al Snow and Maven?  Yeah, Al Snow and Maven.  Mick's best friend, and the protege of Mick's best friend.  They may not be the most menacing force, but in lieu of Shawn Michaels and Diesel, their actions do make perfect sense.

Quality opening segment: I daresay that it seemed like Orton and Foley shuffled a couple of their lines/cues (Foley referenced something Orton said, but before he actually got around to saying it), but the point got across just the same.  All signs seem to be pointing to Mick eventually working a comeback match(es), and little things like this, spread out over time, will work to that end, as well as help to get guys like Orton and Maven over a little bit.

Backstage:  Eric Bischoff has cornered Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah.  He is ultra-pissed off about the pie eating antics from the night before and announces that Mae will be wrestling tonight, and that she won't find out against whom until he gets her in the ring...


The Dudley Boyz and Ivory vs. Chris Nowinski, Rodney Mack, and Jazz

For the most part, the men worked this match for the first four minutes, and then (via the chicanery of Mack), Bubba wound up tagging in Ivory.  By the rules, Jazz also had to enter the match, and we hit the End Game.  The men all started brawling, and we got into a Pier Sixer that included Ivory hitting the Whassup spot for the faces.  Then Teddy Long's attempted interference resulted in the guys all powdering out, leaving Jazz along in the ring with Ivory.  Jazz was in control when Ivory rolled her up out of nowhere at about the 5 or 6 minute mark.  That keeps Ivory's winning streak alive, and makes it three pinfalls for her over the women's champ, Jazz.  Methinks Jazz will eventually defeat the wiley veteran Ivory when the gold is on the line, but for now, the storyline is getting across pretty well.  Effective match.

Commentators shill for Pointless WWE.com Poll:  This week, you get to vote for who'll be invited to join Evolution.  There's about 10 choices, including Nash, HBK, Jericho, Test, Kane, RVD, Rock, Foley, Booker, and Goldberg. Log on and vote!  Well, not now, but you could have.  Me, I decided to flip back to the Reds game during the commercials instead of walking the 25 feet to get to my PC.  I think I chose wisely.


Low Content Segment:  backstage, RVD and Kane bicker a bit about who was to blame for losing the tag titles the night before on the PPV; RVD says, "You've changed, Kane," and Kane says, "Maybe I have," and then they both sort of agree that if they can't win back the titles tonight, they will dissolve the team for good....  Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduce a music video (set to the Official Overproduced, Generic Metal-ish Theme Song from Bad Blood) with highlights from the PPV....  then backstage again, Mick Foley and Al Snow are talking when an enthusiastic Maven runs up and says he's so pumped to be back off the sidelines that he's challenged Randy Orton to a 1-on-1 match; Mick tells him he's kidding himself if he thinks it'll be 1-on-1, so he, Mick, will be in Maven's corner later tonight.  [Hey, WWE.com, you better hustle up and get Maven on that poll of yours....]


Backstage: Evolution are watching the show on a monitor, apparently scouting potential future members of their group.

Lance Storm vs. "Garrison" Cade

"Garrison" is the former Lance Cade, who has also gone simply as "Cade" in past Heat appearances, because lord knows the average WWE fan's head would explode were there to be two Lances in the same company.  This is also why I've been told I cannot be hired as the Greatest TV Announcer of All Times until after Ric Flair retires (this is projected to happen in 2042).

The match does not actually get started right away, as Steve Austin interrupts, and starts chanting "BOOOOOOO-RING" at Storm.  He says he's had trouble sleeping the past few nights, and so he's got his pillow and blanket ready, and he's gonna watch Lance wrestle so he can get right to sleep.  Though Lance is attempting to control the match with technical wrestling, he keeps letting himself get distracted by Austin, which results in Cade rolling him up for the surprise upset at about the 2 minute mark.  

Purists will get all pissy about this, but truth is, Austin was freaking hilarious here.  I do wish that Austin had been more discriminating in when he was shouting "BOOOOO-RING," because if he had singled out an armbar or a chinlock and explained exactly what was boring, they might have set a precedent that even the densest fans could latch onto (I'd prefer they think "That rest hold is boring" instead of thinking "Lance Storm is boring").  But the truth is, even with how things played out, Lance can only go up because of this (hey, imagine if Austin's tormenting gets so bad that another certain dignitary from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, felt the need to show up for a one-night pep talk?). I don't know if it necessarily helps the former Lance Cade much, but I don't see how it hurts him, either.


Christian and Chris Jericho vs. Booker T and Goldberg

Actually, the Canadian Chrisses made their entrances (separate, so props to the IC Champ for once), and then Booker T made his entrance... and was immediately double-teamed.  The announcers put it over like ref Earl Hebner had not yet officially started this match, so when Goldberg ran out (no entrance... hmmmm....), it was just a wild four way brawl, not the start of the match.  Apparently, the perfect time to show some commercials....


Christian and Chris Jericho vs. Booker T and Goldberg (This Time, It's Official)

Goldberg was in control to start the official portion of the match, but then made a tag to Booker, who eventually lost the edge and became your babyface in peril. At one point, we cut away and saw Evolution watching this match on the monitor in their dressing room; Flair seemed to obviously single out Goldberg for consideration (and the fact that he'd done little but stand on the apron all match made that seem like a good red herring to me).  Eventually we got Goldberg back involved, and chaos broke loose.  In the mess, Christian decided to try to duplicate his success from the night before by KO'ing Booker with an IC Belt shot.  But this time, Booker saw it coming and dodged the blow.  Then he grabbed the belt and used it to whack Christian while the ref was occupied by Goldberg and Jericho.  Booker then made the cover and pinned the IC Champ, 1-2-3.  So the story of Christian being unsuccessful in everything except keeping his IC Title continues...  and in a pretty good match, to boot.  Probably about 10 minutes since coming back from the break and closer to 15 if you count the "pre-match" brawl and whatever happened during the break.

Last night:  they showed the "high"lights of the Austin/Bischoff pie-eating contest in vignette form.  On a prime time cable show that seems to have shied away from putting its babes in thongs, why oh why did Mae Young's pasty white rump get past the censors?

Quick Cut to In the Ring:  Eric Bischoff does not think that footage from last night is as funny as everybody else, and he insists we stop laughing.  He also insists that Mae Young get her ass out to the ring so she can wrestle tonight.  Once Mae (and Moolah) are in the ring, Bischoff starts berating them, which gives Ross and Lawler time to throw it to a quick commercial break... because lord knows you won't go anywhere now that they've got you on the hook with the "Who's Mae's Opponent" cliffhanger!


Test vs. Mae Young

We come back from the break, and Bischoff quickly announces that Test is the man who will face Mae Young.  The announcers play up their utter LACK of shock that a cretin like Test would take the job of beating up an 80-year-old woman. 

But then, Steve Austin makes a surprise entrance and says that if Bischoff wants to take it upon himself to make this match, then he (Austin) will take it upon himself to name a special referee:  Scott Steiner.  So Steiner begins his entrance, but before he can even make it half-way down to the ring, Test shows that he's as smart and crafty as he is Canadian:  while Steiner's music is playing, he shoves down Moolah and attacks Mae from behind.  He hits her with a pump handle slam and then bolts from the ring.  I guess call it a No Contest?  It's crazy that Mae takes these bumps, but it's a cheap and easy way to get some heat on Test, so hey, we'll take it.

Backstage:  The now-heavily-permed Jackie Gayda is helping Rico to apply various appearance-enhancing substances (moisturizer, body glitter, you know, the basics that every man needs before going out in public).  Rico's new catchphrase is "It's Raining Rico," I guess, and his new wardrobe is... well... flamboyant.


Moments ago:  everybody was mortified by Test's attack on an 80 year old woman.  Mae was taken out on a stretcher.

Backstage:  Steve Austin tells that same PA from last week to go fetch Kane and RVD and bring them to his office.  Can't spread the grunt work around, Steve-o?

Rico vs. Spike Dudley

Sadly, no one decided to mock Spike Lee's utterly ludicrous court case by dubbing Spike "The National Dudley."  Instead, they basically just used him to go out and make the New and Improved Rico look good.  Although Rico was playing it up as pretty flamboyantly gay, the fans didn't bite on the obvious chants, and also didn't really get behind Spike.  Too bad, cuz this wasn't a bad match; about five solid minutes with good teases both ways.  Instead, the announcers (well, Lawler) speculating in the expected awkward and round-about way about how Rico could be involved with Jackie given that he seemed so obviously... well, you know... that overshadowed the match itself, and if it doesn't catch on, well, all new Rico could be out just as fast as the old one.

Backstage: RVD and Kane have made it to Austin's office, where they get a pep talk.  Austin says it's time for them to get focused because the tag titles are more important than either of their singles careers, because this is not about RVD or about Kane.  It's about America.  Screw those Frenchies!


WWE.com Pointless Poll Update:  Test is leading by a respectable margin.  He's got 26% of the votes.  Kane and Jericho are both down around the upper teens, with the rest farther behind.  No write-ins for Maven...

Maven vs. Randy Orton

Mick Foley was at ringside with Maven, and Flair there with Orton.  This added some extra sizzle to the match, needless to say.  After a hot start by Maven (who reminds me more and more of Ricky Steamboat in many of his mannerisms every time I see him; just pure babyfaceishness), Orton grabbed the advantage and held it for a while. When Maven tried to make his comeback at about the 5 minute mark, Flair was there to short-circuit it; of course, this led to a brawl outside the ring with Flair and Foley (Mr. Socko even made an appearance).  Back in the ring, Maven did get the edge and scored a nearfall or two.  But as the ref extricated Foley from Flair, there was enough time for Flair to distract Maven, allowing Orton to hit his new finisher (it looks like a Diamond Cutter to me, but of course, they didn't call it that) for the three count.  Good solid 7-8 minute match from the young guys, enhanced, of course, by Foley and Flair at ringside.


La Resistance vs. Rob Van Dam and Kane (Tag Title Match)

Nice fast start to this one, with RVD and Kane firmly in control for a couple of minutes.  Of course, as soon as there was even the slightest lull in the action, that meant we had to take our final commercial break (even if it was another one of those deals where there was only 90 seconds of action before heading to it).


Back from the break, and now the heels had regained the edge, and were cutting RVD off from making a tag.  Frustrated, Kane tried to get involved, but succeeded only in getting in the way again when RVD tried some kind of move of the top rope (La Resistance pushed him off onto Kane).  This pretty much sent Kane over the edge, and he grabbed a steel chair and just started plastering the heels.  When he landed a shot in front of the ref, that was it, instant DQ.  La Resistance retain the belts by DQ.  Probably about a 10 minute match all told, about as good as the one from the night before.

But tonight, it's not about the match.  It's about the post-match, because Kane just keeps on pounding on La Resistance with chair, chokeslams, and whatever else he can drag out.  In the middle of his beatdown, Triple H interrupts, though, and we can all see where this is going.  HHH immediately starts kissing Kane's ass, telling him that even though they've had their troubles in the past, this new Kane is "awesome."  He extends an invitation for Kane to join Evolution.

Not so fast, says Steve Austin, who makes a rapid entrance.  Austin tries to convince Kane that HHH doesn't really care about Kane, he's just SCARED of Kane, and so he wants him in Evolution where he doesn't have to worry about him.  Austin tells Kane not to agree to be HHH's puppet.  In fact, Austin has a deal to offer: instead of joining HHH, Kane can have a world title shot next week on RAW.

But not so fast (pt. 2), says Eric Bischoff, who comes out on the entrance ramp.  Mirroring the earlier segment, Bischoff says that if Austin wants to make that match, fine, but Bischoff is adding a stipulation: if Kane loses, he must unmask right there in the ring.  So there it is, two choices:  join Evolution, or face HHH next week with both the World Title and his mask on the line.

What's Kane do?  He teases chokeslamming Austin and joining Evolution, but in the end, he tosses Austin aside and decides to chokeslam HHH.  His intentions are clear: he'll put his mask on the line next week against HHH's title.

Final Thoughts: Well, the question of what HHH was gonna do to occupy his time before his SummerSlam challenger (ostensibly Goldberg) was ready to get shifted over has been answered.  This thing with Kane could work out perfectly.  After a month of teasing the need to "recreate" the old monster Kane, this is a perfect little mini-angle to use: first courted by Evolution, now their enemy.  Lots of directions to go, especially considering the possibilities that unmasking offer.  The Fed has toyed with the idea of unmasking Kane (and with make-up treatments and the whole nine) for years now, but this might finally be the time they pull the trigger.

Orton/Maven and Goldberg/Booker/Jericho/Christian were both good quality matches, too, and this week, it felt like we practically doubled the amount of bell-to-bell time we've had in the past 2-3 weeks without significantly compromising the overall-entertaining feel of the show.  I'm less sold on the Fed's experiment with pacing and putting the little mini-cliffhangers in and then having situations where a match barely gets started before they take a commercial break... but in the end, if those are designed to keep more casual fans from sneaking away during ads, then fine, trick the casual fans.  To me, as a fan who's probably not going much of anywhere except to catch a quick Reds score during the commercials, it bordered on feeling contrived, but I'm not the audience their trying to manipulate with those tactics.

Good strong show.  If they can keep this sort of momentum rolling for a few more weeks, they won't have that same kind of lull experienced by SD! when they were facing two months without a PPV to build to.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.