Wrestling News, Analysis and Commentary

News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info

Donate to Online Onslaught!
     Daily Onslaught
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
     Title Wave
Crashing the

     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
SK Rants
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!

Fire.... Fire!  F-F-FIRE!!
July 15, 2003

by The Rick, with the Intellectual Property of Mike Judge
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com


In recent months, as I've been forced into duty as OO's RAW Recapper, in the absence of a better option, I've found "my voice"... you know, the one that lets me tell you what happens in a clear fashion in case you didn't see the show but also in a concise fashion in case you just want some recap/refresher after having already seen the show... and that at the same time has just enough of my own personal thoughts and analysis so that you can discern pretty easily what worked well and what fell flat.

It's actually harder than you'd think, but in the absence of someone like CRZ who faithfully recapped just about every second of every show, that's the only style recap I have much interest in presenting. Clear, concise, and with enough opinion/analysis to be illuminating but not with so much that the writer (instead of the show) is the focal point of the recap.  All of which is probably why I haven't had anybody fall into my lap that I trust to do RAW in my stead.

So, having said all that, you know what? I'm gonna take a pass this week.  Well, half a pass.

I'll still tell you what happened in my trademark clear, yet concise, style.  But that's all you'll get from me: the dry results of the show.  No personal commentary and analysis.  I'm still kind of confused as to what, exactly, I think about the RAW I just saw.

But don't worry, I got two of my old buddies to help me out.  As I do the straight recap in the left hand column below, they'll do a running commentary on the right side.  They're good at it; some of their best moments have come sitting on the couch, watching TV, so this is right up their ally.

Maybe you've met them before?  Two unrefined young chaps, names of Beavis and Butthead?  Oh, you know each other already?  Good...  read their stuff if you want.  Otherwise, the plain ol' recap is still right there, ready for you to enjoy without the extras.  

Here's Monday's RAW:

History Package: the creation of the New Kane is recapped, culminating in his attack on Steve Austin last week.

Introductory video/pyro/etc, with no hype from the commentators because, well, you'll see....

Beavis:  Butthead, what'd he mean when he said we were "undefined."
Dumbass. It means we're cool.  Now shut up.  I'm trying to, like, constentate and stuff.

Oh.  Oh yeah.  Mheh heh heh heh.

The Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho

Jericho is already in the ring, so we're off to a hot start.  He says he is here tonight to put an end to the utter chaos that has been RAW the last few weeks.  He says that the Boys are scared to even go into their own locker rooms, because Kane is out of control, and something has to change.  To bring about that change, he introduces us to returning RAW GM, Eric Bischoff.

Bischoff comes out (completely with always-hilarious Bobby Heenan neck brace), and immediately is complimented by Jericho for his bravery.  Turns out his doctor's wanted him to stay away from work for 8 weeks with a neck injury, but he's back in just 2.  And he's here to take care of business.  Item of business #1: Kane is banned from the building tonight, because having him around is unsafe for his co-workers.  As evidence, he debuts previously unseen footage from last week in Montreal that shows Kane attacking RVD backstage, actually tossing him through a wall.  That is why Kane won't be allowed in the building tonight in Indianapolis.  However, we WILL have a sit-down interview between Kane and Jim Ross beaming in via satellite from Connecticut.

This comment brings out Steve Austin, who tells Jericho to butt out, and then gets in Bischoff's face, saying that he wanted Kane here tonight because he Austin) wanted to kick Kane's ass for what he did last week.  But, Austin reasons, if he was already primed to kick one ass, maybe he should just kick another, instead.  He gives Bischoff the eye, but decides, "You're pathetic, you ain't worth it."  As Austin walks away, Jericho taunts him for his ineffectiveness as a boss, and tells him to walk away and just keep on walking right out of the building cuz nobody wants him as GM.  Austin stops, listens to a bit of this, then at the first opportunity kicks Jericho in the gut and delivers a Stone Cold Stunner to a huge pop.

At the Commentary Desk: Ugh.  It's Jonathan Coachman, filling in for Jim Ross who is at WWE HQ in Stamford getting ready to interview Kane.  And also Jerry Lawler.  They announce that, in addition to the Kane interview, tonight we'll see:  (1) an IC Title rematch between new champ Booker T and Christian, (2) Gail Kim defending the women's title against Molly Holly, and (3) Evolution vs. All Three Dudleys in an Elimination Style Match.

BH: Hey, Beavis, I think that's the guy from Whitesnake!
B: No way!  That guy, like, died.  Remember, it was in that big FIRE.
BH: No, asswipe, that was Great White.  And remember, you're not s'posed to talk about fire.
B: Mheh heh, FIRE!
BH: [smacks Beavis]
B: What?  Oh yeah. Mheh heh heh heh.



 B: So is this the guy from Whitesnake or not, Butthead?
BH: I don't think so. There's no way the guy from Whitesnake could afford that JeriTon 5000 TV.
B: Mheh heh, yeah. He sucks. But that TV is pretty cool.  We should get one.  Then we'd get all the chicks.  Yeah!
BH: Yeah. Too bad the health inspector shut down the Burger World.  They still owed me, like, thirty-six dollars or something.


BH: Hey, Beavis, it's Goldberg! Goldberg! He kicks ass!
B: Uh, Butthead, I think that's Steve Austin.
BH: No way.  That's Goldberg!
[phone rings]
B: [picks it up] Hello? [Listens]
BH: Who is it?
B: It's Stewart. He wants to know if he can come over and watch "The Cosby Show" on Nickelodeon with us.  He says it's on all night, and we should have a sleepover.
BH: Uhhhhh, tell him we, uh, don't get that channel.  I want to watch Goldberg kick this Poison guy's ass!
B: [to the phone] Uh, we don't get that channel, Stewart. Now leave us alone. [Listens more, then hangs up] Uh, Butthead, Stewart also said you should stop stealing Matt Hocking's jokes.
BH: Matt who?
B: I don't know. Prolly one of Stewart's bible friends.  His jokes prolly aren't even funny. Like mine.
BH: Shut up, Beavis. You're not funny, either.
B: Oh. Oh yeah.... hey, wait a minute.
BH: Just shut up, Beavis.

Kevin Nash/Trish Stratus/Scott Steiner vs. Test/Stevie Richards/Victoria

Steiner started with Richards, manhandling him while all the while begging Test to tag in.  So Test cowered on the apron.  Then, as Victoria and Trish fought, Coach told us quite clearly that the rules of this match were men vs. men and women vs. women, and everything else was illegal.  So immediately at that point, Test helped Victoria with an illegal double team on Trish and then tagged himself in, and proceeded to do a few spots with Trish.  Somebody whispered something in Lawler's ear, and he tried to cover the mistake, by re-telling us that the rules were men could fight the women.  Test eventually tagged himself back out again to play the cowardly heel, and when his attempted interference drew the ire of Kevin Nash, he decided to just walk out of the match, leaving Victoria and Richards to fend for themselves.  It didn't take long before Richards was jackknifed and pinned by Nash.  About 5 minutes, total. Test mouthed the words "You didn't beat ME" as he retreated up the ramp.

Backstage: Jericho stormed up to Bischoff and complained at length about Austin assaulting him.  He said that a publicly traded company's top officials should not lay their hands on employees, and Bischoff agreed with him that company policy should not allow such a thing.  Jericho, at this point, had some big idea, and decided to leave the office to get to work



B: Butthead, Butthead, look at Scotch Steiner's arms!
BH: Whoa. But you know, Danzig could still kick his ass.
B: Yeah!  Danzig rules! He RULES!



BH: Whoa. Trish must have forgot to fix Test's dinner or something.
B: I don't know, Butthead.  I still don't think he should be allowed to beat up a girl like that.
BH: No way, Beavis. [in a Test-like voice] "Bring me my dinner, woman! And my slippers! And some beer! And the remote control!" Uh huh huh huh huh.  "You have displeased me, woman!  Now taste the back of my hand."  That'd be cool. Uh huh huh huh huh.
B: Mheh heh, yeah! "And bring me fireworks. And some bulldozers. And maybe a helicopter!"
BH: [smacks Beavis] What the hell are you talking about, Beavis?
B: Um, like women and stuff....
BH: Sometimes I pity you, Beavis...

Lance Storm vs. ?????

Lance is already in the ring, and announces that he has a prepared statement.  In it, he asks fans to cease and desist from chanting "BOOO-RING" before, during, or after his matches, and threatens to pursue legal action against each and every one of them if they don't.  Just as this is about to enter the realm of the absurd, Storm's opponent shows up...

Lance Storm vs. Maven

Maven came out to a mild pop, which was negated when he and Storm went for some early chain wrestling.  The crowd thought this might be the cue to chant "Boring," but they didn't quite take it.  A few minutes later, Storm made it quite obvious when he locked in a pair of headlocks for almost a minute each.  There's the boring chant... although the crowd seemed almost too bored to really get behind it.  Finish picked up really nicely with some near falls and reversals in the final 2 minutes or so.  In the end, Maven used the ropes to reverse out of the Half Boston Crab directly into a roll-up for the pinfall win.  About 5-6 minutes all told.

Via Satellite: Jim Ross and a production guy are chatting as they set the room up for the interview with Kane.  JR is a bit nervous, but intends to do his job and ask Kane the "hard questions."

Back in the Ring: La Resistance vs. ????

La Resistance are apparently just here to celebrate.  First, they are celebrating that Eric Bischoff is back, because last week, that cretin Steve Austin kept them off of RAW even though they are tag team champs.  Second, they are celebrating Bastille Day (French for "Fourth of July"), and want to do so by serenading us with their rendition of the French National Anthem.  They get about a dozen lines in when the crew decides to cut to some....








BH: Hey, Beavis, it's that guy from MTV!
B: Carson Daly?
BH: No, he's from one of the shows where they don't constantly show sucky videos.
B: Um, Butthead, I don't think MTV ever shows any videos, anymore.
BH: Ohh yeahhh....  well, this guy was on, like, the Real World, I think.  He kicked some guy from Harvard out of the house, or something.
B: Whoa, that's pretty cool.  He can't be Carson Daly.



B: He said "hard." Mheh heh heh heh.
BH: Uh huh huh huh huh.


BH: Dammit, who are these wussies?
B: It said they're called "La Resistance," Butthead.
BH: Dammit, Beavis, I saw that.  It was, like, a metorical question, or something.
B: Oh.
BH: Now what are they doing?  AAAAHHH! Dammit, Beavis, I thought you said MTV stopped showing sucky music videos!
B: [covering ears] AAHHHH! This sucks more than Justin Timberlake's solo record!

Still Singing: La Resistance

The extended dance remix of the French National Anthem is still going when finally the Dudley Boyz music interrupts.  Bubba, D-Von, and Spike quickly run off the tag champs, and then Bubba gets on the mic.  He tells La Resistance that their song "sucks," and that he has a better one.  He proceeds to lead the entire crowd in a rendition of the US National Anthem.  The whole thing.  This was not pretty.  The Duds stay in the ring even as we fade out to...


BH: I can't take any more of this. [clicks to change channels]
B: Uh, Butthead, I think we were s'psosed to watch that all the way through, even if it sucked.
BH: Oh, yeah...  [changes channel back to RAW] Oh dear god, Beavis.  Now the fat guy is singing. THIS SUCKS WORSE THAN ANYTHING THAT HAS EVER SUCKED BEFORE!

Bubba, D-Von, and Spike Dudley vs. Triple H, Ric Flair, and Randy Orton (Elimination Rules)

Off to a fast start here, as Bubba and Flair trade some wicked-stiff chops to start.  WICKED stiff.  I could not tell if Flair was just working or legit pissed when he flipped off Bubba at one point and said, "Fuck you," but right at that point, Bubba tagged out, and let Spike have some of Flair.  There was about 4 more minutes of back and forth rasslin' here (with an obviously-limited HHH tagging in for a grand total of 12 seconds during this stretch), culminating in a mini-Pier Sixer.  In the chaos, everybody but Orton and Spike powdered out.  Orton hit him with the RKO for the pinfall.  Spike was eliminated at about the 7 minute mark.

Now it's three-on-two, and chaos seemingly continues, as it's not very long before the ref is distracted by Flair so that HHH can use La Resistance's conveniently-left-behind French flag to KO D-Von.  He puts Orton on top of D-Von for the pinfall at about the 9 minute mark, and now it's three-on-one.  Bubba tries to tell D-Von to "Get the tables" before D-Von leaves, but officials swarm to break it up, giving us the perfect opening for some:


BH: That fat guy must be punished, Beavis. It is that simple. He is the biggest assmunch who has ever lived.
B: WHOA, Butthead, Butthead!  Did you see that, I think that the old man just told the fat guy to... you know... the F word! Mheh heh heh heh.
BH: Whoa, I think you're right Beavis.  I didn't know you could say that in the WWF. That old guy is my new favorite wrestler.


B: Uh, Butthead?
BH: What, dumbass?
B: Remember when you just said "WWF"?  I don't think that's right.
BH: What the hell are you talking about, Beavis?
B: It's called WWE, now.
BH: Shut up, Beavis. You don't know what you're talking about.
B: Uh, I'm pretty sure about this, Butthead. And you should stop telling me to shut up. That's not nice.
BH: [smacks Beavis] Shut up and watch the WWF, turd burgler.

Evolution vs. Bubba Dudley (continued)

The three-on-one against Bubba has, according to Lawler, focused entirely on the left knee, which Bubba is selling quite dramatically.  Somehow, the table still got set-up outside the ring, however and when Bubba rallies, he tries to use it against HHH.  But the numbers game catches up, and Bubba is quickly on the defensive again after having his near falls easily spoiled by Evolution.  In the end, it's again Orton who winds up getting the pinfall to eliminate Bubba (though it was a Pedigree from HHH while Flair distracted the ref that actually sealed the deal).  Decisive 15 minute win for Evolution, here.

At the commentary table: Coach and Lawler go over Kane's backstage assaults on RVD, Dreamer, and Rico from last week.

Backstage: Rob Van Dam storms up to Bischoff and says he's upset that Kane's not here tonight, because he wanted to get himself some revenge, too.  Bischoff says, no problem, and promises that RVD can have a match against Kane next week in Los Angeles, CA.



BH: Whoa.  The crazy old swearing guy is still winning, Beavis.
B: Yeah, mheh heh.  He kicks ass. For an old dude.
BH: Yeah, I bet down at, like, the nursery home, he's like "No *I* have BINGO, you buttwipe.  You wanna take this outside?" Uh huh huh huh.
B: Mheh heh, yeah! "If I wanted prune juice, I would have asked for prune juice. You got a problem with that?"
BH: Uh huh huh huh huh.  Crazy old guys rule.




BH: One of Todd's friends told me that this Jean-Claude Van Dam guy smokes, like, a LOT of cigarettes, or something.
B: Yeah, I know. I think I read that on the internet.
BH: [smacks Beavis] You're not on the internet, Beavis.  And you can't even read.
B: You know, Butthead, you should really stop hitting me. And I am so on the internet.  Van Driessen showed me how.
BH:  Uh huh huh huh. Whatever, dude.


Backstage: Chris Jericho has assembled the mid-card heels.  And also Tommy Dreamer.  He does a big spiel about how unsafe RAW has become, and its because of Steve Austin's negligent general managing.  He rallies the troops, and gets them all enthusiastic about signing a "Get Steve Austin to Resign" petition.  Everybody is happy to do this, except for Tommy Dreamer, who just looks on in disbelief.

Rodney Mack (with Teddy Long) vs. ???

Teddy immediately gets on the mic, and announces that he and Rodney have already signed the "Hell No Stone Cold" petition, and suggests that a black man would make a great GM for RAW.  Long suggests Snoop Dogg, Johnnie Cochran, and Marion Barry for the job.  As Teddy led the crowd (who didn't join in) and the aforementioned mid-card heel locker room in a "Hell No Stone Cold" chant, we cut to some....









B: Um, Butthead, how'd he sign the petition already? They weren't in that room 2 minutes ago.
BH: What the hell are you walking about, Beavis?  Just shut up, I think he's saying something about Snoop Dogg.
B: Oh yeah, mheh heh. Snoop rules!

Rodney Mack vs. Rosey

So this is our match....  Rosey comes out with about 30 seconds of offense, then Long cheats and manages to hit a low blow, allowing Mack to score the pinfall.  Less than a minute, I swear.  After the match, Mack tried to continue the attack, but Hurricane made the save.  After the match, Hurricane and Rosey shared the Eye Contact of Potential Future Partnership.

Backstage: Jericho has moved out of the mid-card heel locker room and has found Evolution, who he convinced to sign his petition.



B: Whoa, is that it?
BH: Yeah, Beavis, I think it is.
B: You know, that sucked and all, but at least it was, like, really short so it didn't suck for very long.
BH: Uh huh huh huh huh.  "Very long." Like my schlong. Uh huh huh huh huh.
B: Oohhhh yeahhhh, mheh heh heh heh. But Butthead, I also said "really short." Mheh heh heh heh heh.

Booker T vs. Christian (IC Title)

This was played up as Christian's last title shot if he didn't win, and the dramatic tension was notably lacking as compared to last week.  Fans, it seem, care when the babyface is doing the chasing, but not so much when it's the heel who might be down to his last ace up the sleeve.  Five minutes of solid back and forth led up to a nicely set up ref bump (first it was teased and averted, then a second later, it actually hit when you weren't expecting it).  With the original ref out, Christian hit the Unprettier, and had Booker pinned for a bit before back-up ref Nick Patrick hit the ring and made a dramatic two count.  But Booker kicked out and rallied.  But it wasn't enough, and Christian managed a roll-up of sorts near the ropes; he used the top rope for illegal leverage, and Patrick counted the three, making Christian the new IC Champ.  But the original ref saw Christian's hand on the ropes and argued Patrick's call.  As the two refs threatened a cat fight, GM Austin hit the ring with a third, impartial ref, and ordered the match to restart.  Christian was baffled by this change of fortune, and in under a minute, fell prey to an axe kick and was pinned.  Booker wound up retaining in about 9-10 minutes; slow opening minutes built up to the nice, if a bit formulaic, false finish and eventual Booker win.

Backstage: Bischoff is loitering when he gets a call on his cell phone.  We find out that it's Linda McMahon and get not an iota more of information before we cut to...







B: Dammit, I think Busta Rhymes just lost.
BH: Wait, Beavis. I don't think the other guy was s'posed to grab the rope like that.
B: Why not?
BH: It's like, illegal or something.
B: Oh, OK. As long as it's not illegal to grab -- mheh heh -- your rod.
BH: You probably would want to grab your rod while watching two dudes wrestling, Beavis, you ass goblin.
B: No way! Shut up, Butthead. I was just saying...
BH: Whoa, there's Goldberg again, Beavis.  See, he's making them start fighting again.
B: Yeah, it's like that time when Buzzcut made me play dodgeball all by myself one time in gym, even after I already won by hitting Stewart right in the nads.
BH: Uh huh huh huh huh.  I guess Stewart didn't have a whole lot of "nad protection."
BV: Mheh heh heh heh.  Yeah. Stewart has a tiny wiener.

Via satellite: Kane arrives for his interview, and presents Jim Ross with a red-wrapped gift.  But we've got business in the ring, first....

Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly (Women's Title)

Molly worked really heelishly with some stiff kicks and 'tude, but sue me, she's just so adorable that I can't buy it.  Gail used pretty much the moveset we've already seen from her, but thanks to the very-talented Molly, it looked sharper and tighter pretty much across the board, and fans actually popped for a few of the spots.  Maybe about 2-and-a-half or 3 minutes of action, all with no holes, before Gail beat Molly fairly ignominiously with a Frankensteiner into the pinning combo.

Back in Connecticut: Kane implores JR to open the gift, even though it's not time for the interview, yet.  JR removes the box lid to find a can of gasoline.  Hmm, I'd've thought he'd be able to smell that through the wrapping paper...   never the less: Kane threatens to use the gas to set JR on fire if JR makes fun of him.





BH: Whoa. Come to Butthead.
B: No way, Butthead, Molly's mine!
BH: Beavis, you buttmuch, I was talking about the other girl, the one that's in Charlie's Angels. You can have the one with the big butt, Sir Spanks-a-lot.
B: Butthead, I don't think you should talk about Molly like that.
BH: [smacks Beavis] And I don't think you should talk back to me, Beavis.
B: [lowering voice] Butthead, I don't think you should talk about Molly like that, and I don't think you should hit me again, or else.
BH: Uh huh huh huh huh.  Uh, whatever you say, sir. Uh huh huh.

B: Whoa.  He said it, Butthead, he said it! FFFFIIIRE!
BH: Uh oh.

B: Fire... F-Fire... F-F-F-F-FIRE!
BH: Whoa, settle down, Beavis. You know what the school counselor told you about....
B: He said it, he really said it, Butthead. Fire! Fire! F-F-F-F-Fire!
Main Event Interview: Kane

JR starts with Kane by showing the same video package that opened the show, and then asking Kane for his reaction to seeing the footage.  Kane says he's angry, and uses it to segue into a spiel about how he was a normal, happy kid until the fire that disfigured him.  Then he managed to be happy again later in life, until RVD and Austin made him lose his mask and expose his hideousness to the world.  He says if they were really his friends, they wouldn't have made him expose his face.  At this point, JR takes the interview in a direction that I didn't think they'd have the depth or subtlety to try: he points out that what he's seen of Kane's face isn't that disfigured, really.  Kane starts getting angry, and accuses JR of being in league with all those doctors who told him his burns were mostly superficial and the psychiatrists who told him it was all in his head.  JR tries to tell him it's OK, and no matter what he looks like, fans will like him.  Kane pulls off his towel, but keeps his face turned away from the camera, and tells JR he doesn't believe it, because he's a hideous monster.  JR says all he or anyone else wants to do is help Kane, which starts the downward spiral.  Kane has decided just how JR will help him: by feeling the same pain the Kane felt.  Because he knows that as soon as Kane leaves, JR and all the fans and everybody will make fun of him behind his back.  And this is the only way JR will learn.

As Kane starts getting worked up, Steve Austin's music hits back in the arena, and Austin goes to the ring to grab a mic while Kane pauses back in (what I'm increasingly suspecting is NOT) Connecticut.  Austin tries to talk Kane down, and again makes the offer of help.  But Kane's mind is made up.  JR will feel his pain.  Kane punches JR and shoves his lifeless carcass to the floor.  Production crew (except for the one guy who is manning the main camera, thankfully) try to swarm Kane to get him to stop, but he shoves them all away.  Then he dumps the gas on JR.  Then he gets out some matches.

And then he lights Jim Ross' back and leg (or the back and leg of a perfectly-swapped-out stunt double, not that it mattered, since in execution this was actually done pretty seamlessly) on fire.  Really on fire.

After about 15 seconds, Kane finally left, and the crew were quick to make the save with a fire extinguisher.  We get a clear look, and damn if that isn't really Jim Ross on the ground selling the injury.  Everybody is pretty much shocked into speechlessness.  But just when you think the show is over...

Here's Eric Bischoff for our denouement.  He verbally lambastes a still stunned Steve Austin (who musters no defense), saying that the new, monstrous Kane is all Austin's fault, and therefore, what just happened to Austin's best friend JR is on Austin's head.  He says Austin is an irresponsible general manager, and that he's just gotten done talking to Linda McMahon about his performance.   Next week on RAW, Bischoff promises, Linda will be there in person, and she will fire Steve Austin.





B: That's the guy, Butthead! He's the one who said FIRE...  FIRE! FIRE! [starts muttering to self in a hyperactive state]
BH: Dammit, Beavis, settle down. Just take a deep breath and relax.
B: [keeps on muttering at warp speed, seems on the verge of hyperventilating]





B: Why is he talking about all this crap? Fire!  FIRE!  F-F-F-F-Fire!
BH: Beavis, you dumbass, they're not really gonna set a guy on fire.
B: SHUT UP, BUTTHEAD!  He said it!  FIRE! [resumes hyper muttering]














B: Dammit, just shut up already and... FIRE!!!!
He did it, Butthead, he really did it!

BH: Whoa.
B: [has stopped moving, is in some kind of trance, glued to the TV... he's not even breathing right, just sort of rhythmically whispering "Fire" ever few seconds]
BH: Uh, Beavis?
B: [getting a little wobbly and light-headed, still muttering about "Fire"]
BH: Dammit, Beavis, snap out of it! [starts shaking Beavis vigorously] It's just fire.

B: [snaps to attention, with a suddenly sharp look in his eyes even though he was just light-headed seconds ago; begins talking at a VERY rapid rate of speed] No, Butthead, it's not just fire, it's indicative of World Wrestling Entertainment's complete lack of continuity when presenting the Kane character to the mass audience.

BH: What the hell are you talking about Beavis?

B: First came the unlikely, but widely accepted story of Kane as the horribly burned and disfigured brother of the Undertaker. Then came the insultingly bad tale of Katie Vick. Now comes a new twist that makes Kane little more than a psychiatric patient run amok.

BH: Beavis, I swear you better stop trying to sound smart right now...

B: Further, it's not just a lack of continuity, it's a completely lack of understanding of how to make the Kane character interesting to an audience.  By attempting to humanize him with the Katie Vick angle some 9 months ago, WWE was on the right track, but just did a terrible job in executing the overall plan.  Today, they decide they want to rebuild him as a monster, not a man, but have only succeeded in creating a storyline in which Kane is a regular guy who just so happens to be a pyromaniac.

BH: C'mon, Beavis, snap out of it, buttwipe...

B: Additionally, I fail to see the benefit of having Kane set fire to Jim Ross.  I understand that they were attempting to recreate the atmosphere of Mick "Mankind" Foley's breakthrough studio interviews, but in this case, Glen "Kane" Jacobs fell well short of Foley's ability to sell his mental anguish as real. Thus, his lashing out at JR seemed more stilted and gimmicky than when Mankind snapped and put the man who was asking him very difficult questions in the Mandible Claw lo those many years ago.  And it didn't help that they had Steve Austin go to the ring in Indiana to try to stop what was happening ostensibly "via satellite" from Connecticut. That was so contrived and cheesy. Also, one must wonder just how Kane is supposed to be taken seriously as a wrestler when all of his major attacks up until now have been on non-wrestling general managers and announcers. I think it is clear that his breakthrough heel act should have taken place against Rob Van Dam, not against a hapless announcers.

BH: Dammit, Beavis, what the hell is wrong with you?!?  [smacks Beavis, hard]

B: [snaps out of it, confused] Whoa. What happened?
BH: I don't know. Some guy lit a fire on TV, and then you started talking like a dumbass.  You wouldn't stop, so I smacked you.
B: What? Dammit, Butthead, I told you not to hit me anymore!!!

[Beavis lunges, starts beating the holy living shit out of Butthead for a minute or two]

B: [looking up] Whoa! I think I saw that cartoon chick's boob! [gets up, walks over to couch, sits down with Butthead's soda and nachos] This looks pretty cool!
BH: [wheezing] Dammit, Beavis, get off my nachos, and get over here so I can [*cough*] finish kicking your ass. [passes out]
B: Stripperella is cool. Mheh heh heh heh.




SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.