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Forecast in Hell: Unseasonably Cool
with a Chance of Flurries
April 4, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


And as Judge Joe Brown ends, that can only mean one thing, it's Thursday night, and time for SMACKDOWN!

WWE Leader leads us to the Wrestlemania package. Limp Bizket still sucks. God, I STILL cringe when I see the Shooting Star Press.

The beautiful people, and we are live at the Spokane Arena in Spokane, Wa. Michael Cole and Tazz are your hosts and boy oh boy do they have a big night for us!

Juggs is out of the chute first. She hypes Wrestlemania, especially the Brock/Angle main event. Neither of them will be here tonight, as they both have injuries (Concussion for Lesnar and Angle has a ‘hamstring’ injury) To keep us occupied, Smackdown will have a 3 week tournament to decide the new #1 contender, and the very first match up is Right Now!

Undertaker is out to take on Rey Mysterio. Boy, They don't waste any time with the squashout of Rey, do they? Cole calls Rey an Underdog. No Shit, huh?

Bell rings, and they stare each other down across the ring. Circle, Rey plays dodge to 'Takers charge. They mess up a dropkick to the knee spot, so they repeat it with Rey simply kicking it until Rey kicks him out of the ring. Rey holds him off for a bit, but Undertaker is big and bad, and he kicks Rey from the floor! Undertaker back in, and methodically taking Rey apart. Rey counters with a jawbreaker and a flurry of rights, but Undertaker grabs him with a goozle. Rey reverses into a Tornado DDT. Undertaker tries to recover, but Rey has 3 numbers for him: 6-1-9! Rey goes for the pin, but Takers kick out throws him across the ring. Rey goes for the West coast pop; but Taker catches him, and gives him a last ride STRAIGHT TO HELL! 1-2-3, and Undertaker will face either John Cena or Eddie Guererro next. ‘Taker goes to leave, but hesitates on the apron. He goes back in, stands looming over Rey, then grabs Rey and hoists him up, giving him props for a good match. ‘Taker then leaves a poses with the flag. Tazz, “Big Evil and old Glory! A great combination!”

At the backstage entrance, Vince has just gotten here. He inquires about Hogan’s whereabouts; he apparently hasn't arrived yet. He orders the techie to inform him as soon as he does.

The Whack of the night is Brian Kendrick getting his job from two weeks ago.

Team Mattitude is out (Tonight’s Matt Fact: Matt was the only Hardy at Wrestlemania this year) to commentate on the upcoming Brian Kendrick and Jamie Knoble (w/ Nidia) match-up.

They lockup, Jamie starts whuppin’ the tar outta him. Jamie reverses a whip with a couple Boots the head, the second sending him out. Brian follows up with a flying press to the floor. Back in the ring, and Brian goes for the cover, Jamie kicks out. Jamie comes back with a power slam. Jamie tries to get cute and go up, but Brian is there with a Hurricanrana for him. He whips off the ropes, but Nidia holds the ropes open and Brian goes flying. Nidia picks him up for a Jamie baseball slide, but Brian escapes and Nidia is knocked silly. As Jamie laments, Brian hits sliced bread #2, and gets the pin for the victory. Brian is barely able to celebrate before Matt jumps in to throw him out. Matt reiterates that he's the Undisputed Cruiserweight Champion (Keyword: Champion). He then takes this moment to issue a challenge to Brock Lesnar, the WWE Heavyweight champion (Again, Keyword: Champion). Next Week, Champion vs. Champion. Brian interrupts his spiel with some rights to Matt, a flying heel for Shannon, but Matt is there for the Twist of fate, and he stands over all.

Were back from commercial, and the FBI are boosting some high-end electronics from a delivery truck. Nunzio throws the beaten down driver his keys and they depart.

Back to present day, and oop, not quite, we get a photo set of the Lesnar/Angle match. They give us a bonus footage of after the match with a dazed and confused Brock, then they go over the Shooting Star press a few times from different angles (not quite as sick as the Sid injury, but still gasp worthy), then reassure us that Lesnar is all right. They go over the brackets for the #1 contender tourney, and we break for commercial.

We return to Bagpipe music and the promise that next week, we get the return of Piper. I do hope that he's been hitting the ab machine and the 3-day Hollywood diet.

Benoit is out and his opponent in this round is A-Train. A-Train throws a couple rights, Benoit locks in a waist lock, and A-Train elbows out and tosses him. A-Train helpfully throws him back in, but Benoit goes to lock in the Crossface, eventually getting it hooked. A-Train grabs Benoit's leg and rolls him over for a pin, but Benoit gets out. A-Train then locks in a weird looking camel clutch, which he turns into a power bomb. Goes for the cover, Benoit kicks out. A-Train goes after the neck with clubbing blows and wrenching of the neck. Slapping on the side headlock, and the crowd pumps Benoit up, and he fights his way out, but A-Train sends him out again. Benoit coming back up, A-Train goes to attack, but Benoit fights out, going for a victory roll, but A-Train holds onto the ropes and stomps him. A-Train picks him up and hits the decapitator. A-Train laying in with the big man offense. A-Train misses a charge and gets a German Hat Trick for his mistake. Benoit up, slashing the throat, Benoit up, Flying head butt hits! Benoit covers, A-Train gets his foot on the ropes. Benoit grabs the foot, and covers again, but A-Train kicks out. Benoit up, kicks A-Train in the face, whips off the ropes, and eats an A-Train Bicycle kick. A-Train goes for the Derailler. Benoit slips out and comes down with the crossface. A-Train picks Benoit up, But Benoit brings him down again, and this time, A-Train taps. Raise his hand, play his music.

Backstage, Vince calls someone, when Steph walks in. She asks him if he's all right, he says yeah, and in a bit, he'll be going to the ring, calling Hogan out, and doing something he should have done a long time ago. Steph warns him not to do anything he'll regret; Vince gives a noncommittal "Yeah..." and walks off.

We're back, and Whoa! Sean O’Hare is upside down! Oh, he's just explaining how rules are meant to be broken.

We come back backstage and Torrie is zipping up. Apparently she's getting ready for her playboy coming out party tonight.

Up now, Eddie (on his own) is out to take on John Cena. Cena all over Eddie to start, getting him in the corner for some GANGSTA VIOLENCE! Big delayed vertical suplex, and he slaps on the main event bear hug. Drives Eddie into the corner, then hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Pin gets 2. Cena goes for more squeeze-based submissions, but Eddie head butts his way out. Eddie with the rights, flying forearm, big clothesline, another, Suplex of his own, another, Hat Trick! Cover gets 2. Eddie to the outside, Missile dropkick! Cover, 1-2-no! Eddie up on Cena's shoulders, but Cena drops back for the electric chair. Cena goes for the chain, but eats a dropkick. Eddie goes for the chain himself, but the ref grabs it from him. Cena up, going for the gorilla press slam, Eddie wriggles out of it, and hits a quick slam of his own. Eddie up for the Frog splash, Cena out of the way, Eddie rolls through, Cena grabs Eddie up in the fireman’s carry. Death Valley Driver! 1-2-3! Cena advances to the semifinals.

Outside, Hogan, Jimmy Hart, and Hogan’s kid arrive. Hogan proclaims it to be the house of Hulkamania. Hart and the Kid agree, and they cut away just as the Kid is asking where Kane is.

Out to the ring, And Torrie gets the red ring treatment for her Playboy coming out party. She offers to show us the true meaning of 'coming out'. Before she can go any further...

ROWR! Holy Shit! Sable is back! She's sorry about interrupting Torrie, but she has an announcement, and that is that she is back. And all the "guys still wanna see me, and all the girls still wanna be me." Sable reminds us that she was the first Diva in playboy, gets in Torrie's face, says they'll be great friends, plants a smoocher on Torrie, and exits, with Torrie looking after. Tazz and Cole need cigarettes.

Moments ago, Torrie got involved in another lesbian angle.

Back to now, Team Angle are out (W/ "You Suck" chant), and we go directly to commercial. Well, that was quick...

Back from commercials, and Team angles opponents are Tajiri and Funaki. They rush the ring and everyone GETS ROWDY! Ref clears people out, and Shelton and Funaki in. Shelton powers Funaki over a bit. Tajiri in and throws a kick. Funaki taunts with some jumping jacks, Shelton attacks, and eats a flurry of kicks. Funaki over to give a drop toehold to Charlie. Shelton powers away from Tajiri, and gets the tag to Charlie. Charlie in, demanding that Funaki tag Tajiri in, which he does. Tajiri flies all over Charlie. Shelton tries to interfere, eats a kick for his troubles. Tajiri going for the super kick, but Shelton grabs his leg and Charlie takes control. Shelton comes in, and they hit the leapfrog backbreaker. They whip him off the ropes, but Tajiri hits the handspring elbow for both of them! Tag to Funaki, and Both the Japanese boys are balls of fire! Charlie surprises Funaki, tho, and locks in the Haas of Pain for the submission. Team Angle out to celebrate.

Backstage, Nunzio grabs the rest of the FBI and they go off to have a word with the Undertaker. Uh oh...

Back from commercials, and Josh has caught up with John Cena. John knows that everyone thinks he has no chance, but reminds us that anything can happen on Smackdown!

Elsewhere, Undertaker meets up with FBI, makes a few mafia jokes (“None of you guys are wearing a wire, are ya?”), and they sit at a convenient table modeled after an Italian restaurant. Nunzio explains that their sneak attack on Nathan last Sunday was simply payback for Nathan laying Chuck out last Thursday. Undertaker understands the concept of being responsible for your actions, but takes umbrage at the fact they got their payback at Wrestlemania, thereby depriving him of a tag team partner. Chuck tries to intimidate, but Nathan is in the room, asking if there's a problem. Nunzio says, "Yeah, there's a problem. But we'll take care of it when we are ready, and when WE feel the time is right." They leave 'Taker and Nathan as we fade to commercial.

"WEEEEELLLLLLL!" We're back and Big Show is taking on Rhyno in the final match of the first round of the #1 contender tournament.

They circle, Rhyno dodges a big haymaker from Show, and lays in with the rights, but Show grabs him and hits some big slaps to humble Rhyno. Rhyno comes back with some jobber offense, but Show is there with more slaps. Show stands on Rhyno's neck, then delivers a big head butt. Beals him across the ring, and more using him as a foot stool. Rhyno back up with a couple token shots to the gut, but Show knocks him down again. Rhyno gives us hope for a bit, but Show sidewalk slams him and covers for 2. Show rips off the turnbuckle pad. Grabs Rhyno up to ram him into it, but Rhyno kicks off and tries some offense, but Show sends him to the opposite corner. Big Show charges, but Rhyno dodges, and Big Show eats the uncushioned turnbuckle. Rhyno follows up with a spear in the corner. Rhyno calling for the Gore, but A-Train tries to come down and interfere. He eats a right for his trouble, and Big Show eats a GORE! GORE! GORE! A-Train goes for the cover, but A-Train in with the beat down. A-Train hits the Bicycle kick, and the Ref calls for the DQ to give Rhyno the win. Show is up, and A-Train tells him to snap his neck. While A-Train holds, Show gives Rhyno the big stinky leg drop. Heels exit.

Backstage, Vince makes his way to the entrance.

Back from commercials, and once more we are reminded that Hot Rod is back next week.

No Chance sounds out, and Vince is in the Ring. He entreats the crowd to settle down and listen to what he has to say. He knows that the whole world knows by now the results of Hogan/McMahon. He is ready to admit that he underestimated Hogan, Hulkamania, and the fact the he's an American icon. He then tells us that he wants to call out Hogan. Not to fight, but to publicly apologize. He entreats Hogan to come to the ring, and Hogan answers the call. Halfway down the ramp, Hogan stops goofing around, and locks his eyes on McMahon. He grabs a mic, and he's listening. Vince asks Hogan how difficult it is to accept defeat, how hard it is to accept the humility of it. But Vince is a realist, and he admits that Hogan beat the hell out of him. He can accept that, even if he doesn't like it, and wants to put it behind him. He wants to turn the clock back, and asks Hogan to forgive him, and maybe they can be friends again. Vince offers the hand, Hogan doesn't take it. Vince can't blame Hogan for not taking his hand, and goes to leave. Hogan stops him, and tells him if he's serious, and offers his own hand. Vince goes and takes it, and I expect Shane to come out and sneak attack Hogan, but it doesn't happen. Vince says thank you, and he walks away head held high. Halfway up the ramp, Hogan has them cut Voodoo Child, he and Vince make Eye Contact, and Hogan says Thank you, and they play the music again. Vince stops it once again, and he thanks Hogan and the fans. He says thank you for the memories, because that is all they have left, and Hogan will never set foot in a WWE ring again! Hogan flips out, signaling that he got the pin. "Oh yes, you got the pin at Wrestlemania, but Mr. McMahon always wins!" He goes on to tell Hogan that he's buying out Hogan’s contract. Hogan will be paid to sit at home, and while he sits, Hulk and Hulkamania will rot and die a slow death of leprosy. And if Hogan doesn't like what he has to say, then he'll be waiting in the parking lot.

Hogan, of course, accepts. Hogan makes his way out the building and into the Spokane rain, and Vince is waiting for him beside a Limo. Vince goads him on, but just before Hogan gets to Vince, a dozen of the local police interject themselves between them. At that point, Hogan’s kid jumps out of the car and calls to Hulk. Vince tells the Cops to part the ways, and gives hulk the ultimatum: Get in the limo and get out of his life, or he'll get his ass kicked right there in front of his kid. Hogan hesitates, but after the entreats of his son and Jimmy Hart, Hogan gets in the limo, Vince throws his bags in the trunk, and Hogan rides away.

Vince stands in the rain, "I always win, Hulk. I always win." Fade out.

Good show tonight, but it went by really fast, and nothing, apart from Hogan/McMahon, really developed. Yes, we got the beginning of the #1 contenders tournament, but storytelling wise, WWE kept it at a simmer, rather then going full speed ahead, like Raw did. The Elimination of Eddie from the tournament frees him up for he and Chavo to chase the tag titles, Undertaker and Jones' new adversaries look to be the FBI, and Benoit/Rhyno now have a big chip on their shoulder for Big Show and A-Train. Mattitude just keeps on trucking, but I have a feeling that Brian Kendrick will be going to Velocity sooner rather then later. Good show, and hey, I'll be at the show they have the finals for the #1 contendership at here in Norfolk!


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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