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Here He Is.... Mister America
May 2, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


5 minutes out: Brock Lesnar! John Cena! Will the Backlash continue? Also, Mr. America! Tonight! Stay tuned!

Hey folks, my ignorance met with many responses to my query during the Raw Recap, that being, "What were the Green and Red balloons for?" I got many responses telling me that they are the colors of African Pride, "ala the "Zulu Nation", as popularized by Afrikaa Bambatta, Public Enemy, and the like. Many rappers from the mid to late '80's sported medallions with those color schemes." Thanks Burt! As soon as I read the first mail explaining it to me, it clicked in my head and I remembered. So to all my readers of African American descent that I may have offended with my faux pas, I humbly apologize, and promise to take up the fight against whitey.

Anyway, Judge Joe Brown is over; time to get on with the Wrasslin!

Turn it up! It's Time for Smackdown!

WWE Leader, and then we get highlights of Backlash, particularly, Rey being used like a Louisville Slugger. From there, we get Beautiful people, Pyro, and we are live (taped) from the Verizon Wireless arena in Manchester, NH. Coming up later, an update on Rey, and an all Diva's tag team contest, a special edition of Pipers Pit where Mr. America will make his debut.

Right now, tho, Los Guererros are out showing off their newly acquired gold. Remember, they aren't the champs, folks. We get a recap of Los Guererros lifting the belts, and their opponents tonight, are Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (W/ Crash and Matt Question: Have you read Matt’s new book? and the Matt Fact: Matt invented Mattitude.)

Eddie and Shannon start, Eddie wrestles Shannon around and tags Chavo in. Chavo leaps in with a stomp, turns right around and tags Eddie in, and Eddie gets a slingshot senton to come in. Eddie punches Shannon down, and goes to work his knee over. Tag to Chavo, and the Double team, but the ref didn’t see the tag, so Eddie has to continue. Eddie keeping it on Shannon until an errant shot by Crash turns the tide. Matt works Eddie over on the ropes, cover, 2. As Matt works Eddie over, Tazz questions Crash and Shannon’s eating choices, saying that they don't like the tomatah's, but the love the cucumbers! Eddie is able to escape a full nelson with a back suplex. Shannon rushes in as Eddie is hotshotted over into a tag to Chavo, but because of Shannon, the ref didn't see it and Chavo has to go out again as the heels work Eddie over in their own corner. Chavo realizes that he is, in fact, faster than the ref, dodges around him and cleans house. Crash is up on the apron to talk trash; Chavo knocks him off and follows up with a slingshot body press. Matt charges Eddie in the corner, Eddie dodges, takes out Shannon, then locks hands with Matt and runs up the turnbuckles into a head scissors! Eddie covers, 2. Eddie going for the Hat Trick suplex, but Shannon interferes. Shannon dives through Eddies legs, grabs Eddie up and Matt neck breakers him into a Samoan drop. Matt covers, but Eddie kicks out at 2. Matt wrestling around with Eddie. Eddie shoves him off, right into a Chavo belt shot. Eddie proceeds to knock him down, is up for the frogsplash, hits it, 1-2-3 and Los Guererros retain... err win!

After the match, Los Guererros clean house on Team Mattitude, and Team Angle come down to reclaim what's theirs. After a brief tug of war, Los Guererros get away once again with the titles.

Backstage, Mr. America has his own door, but that's all we see for now, as we have commercials to watch!

Returning from commercial, and Juggs has that man-eater look on her face as she approaches Mr. America's door. Josh intercepts her and digs for info on Mr. America. Turns out Steph is as clueless as the rest of us concerning him, as she signed him site unseen. As she brushes Josh off, Team Angle catch her and complain that a couple Mexicans stole their titles. Steph finds this extremely amusing, and tells then that Los Guererros will be returning the titles after Team Angles match later. BUT! Because Team Angle tend to do some cheating of their own, then at Judgment Day, their titles will be on the line against Eddie and Chavo again, this time in a ladder match! Team Angle blanches at this, but it's not like there is anything they can do about it. As they walk off, Steph enters the dressing room.

Tazz and Cole go over the horrific bump that Rey took at Backlash again.

Backstage, Steph exits Mr. America's locker room, looking like she did the day she found out the effects of steroids on Hunters genitalia. She wanders off into commercial.

Back, and the Big Show is out, and he has a mic. Ever since Backlash, people have been telling him "pick on someone your own size. News flash! There is nobody my size!" But, tonight he picked another opponent, and at least he's bigger than Rey. Kaientai's music starts up, and Funaki is out for his weekly beating. Big show pounds on him for a bit. Funaki gets Big Show's Leg and crotches him, flying Drop Kick, then a tornado DDT and that's all you get Funaki. After the cover attempt, Big Show boots him down, Grabs him in the goozle, and then gently lets him down again. After making sure he's all right, Big Show lariat's him out of his boots. Cover, and Big Show makes his exit.

Backstage, Stephanie is looking at <a href="http://www.joyhobby.co.kr/mall/images/product/joyhobby//p/ptc438_b.jpg">porn on the internet</a> on her laptop when a techie comes in and informs her that Vince is on his way. She gets a look of "How could this get any worse?" and asks to be left alone for a bit.

Back from commercials, and Big Show moseys on by a few cruiserweights, all of them giving him dirty looks. A-Train appears out of nowhere and they exchange a couple manly slaps as A-Train tells him that what he did at Backlash was GRRRREAT!

John Cena is out to complain that he was robbed at Backlash. He grabs a little more local heat by running down the Red Sox again, and Brian Kendrick interrupts his spiel, all totally Flava Flav'ed out. He gets in the ring and John asks him what his deal is. Brian informs us that tonight, he's Spanky McMerrilscrapins, but you can call him Spanky! Spanky heard Cena's lies, and is out to rebut with a Rap of his own. Cena calls over referee Brian Hefner to give him a beat. Brian obliges and Brian proceeds to run Cena down, telling him he got beat, leading the crowd in "When I say Cena, You say Sucks!" and finishing with imitating scratching on Cena's head. As the crowd laughs, Cena levels Brian with a clothesline, Hits the F-You Death Valley Driver, and heads out.

Backstage, the FBI is playing Dice with a tech guy. They finish up because Johnny has a match, but before they go, the tech guy asks for an autograph on his WWE yearbook. They tell him they'll sign, if he hands over a C-Note. The tech guy has nothing, so he gets nothing, and the FBI head out.

Back, and Chris Benoit is out to settle the score with Johnny the Bull (with FBI) for the beating he received last week. Benoit try’s to watch all three FBI members at once, but when Johnny attacks, he lays in with the knife-edge chops. Benoit taking over, chuck is standing too far away so the baseball slide spot doesn't work, but Benoit grabs him and nails him with a right. As Johnny goes for him, Benoit yanks him down and nails him. Benoit chases Nunzio off real quick, and Johnny back in the ring to eat some more CANADIAN VIOLENCE. Nunzio trips up Benoit, who makes chase. Chuck tries to get the drop, but Benoit takes him out. Chris rolls back in and eats a couple elbows from Johnny to turn the tide. Johnny working Benoit over in the corner. Johnny distracts the ref as FBI does more damage. Johnny grabs Benoit and hoists him up into a gorilla press slam, but Benoit wiggles out and goes for the cross face. Johnny is able to get out and get tot he ropes, and he turns around and slaps in a surfboard. Benoit tries to power up, but Johnny has a knee for him. Benoit reverses into a backslide, but only gets 2. Bull recovers faster and goes on the attack again. Benoit into the corner, but Benoit gets a boot up for Johnny’s charge. A few clubbing blows, a suplex, Cover getting 2, German suplex, Shot for Chuck, Flying Head butt! Nunzio hits the ring with a steel chair. The ref grabs it away just in time for Rhyno to hit the ring and nail Nunzio with the GOAR! At this, the Ref stops the match and restarts it as a Tag Team Match! We fade to commercial as Chuck protests.

Back from commercials, and Rhyno is taking Chuck to town. Chuck gets away and tags Johnny in; Johnny gets more of the same. Johnny in the corner, Rhyno pounding him down, and Nunzio is still out from the gore. Rhyno covers, only gets two. Chuck tries to run in, but the ref pushes him back out, Benoit tagged in and they Double-team Johnny, but the Ref didn't see the tag. While the Ref is busy with Benoit, Chuck is in to deliver the Jungle Kick to Rhyno and put him down. Johnny slowly crawls over and covers, but Rhyno gets the shoulder up. Johnny back up, tag to Chuck. Chuck with the Shoulders to the back, continuing to work the lower back. Cover by Chuck broken up by a Benoit boot to the head (YAAA! YAA!). Tag to Johnny, and Johnny continues to work on Rhyno. Rhyno tossed, Chuck gets a couple cheap shots in, rolls him back in. Johnny with the Pin attempt, followed by the bear hug. Rhyno almost out, but he comes back with some shots to the head, but that is stopped by an errant shot by Palumbo. Chuck in, he arrogantly works Rhyno over, but Rhyno gets a desperation spinebuster. Rhyno makes the tag, and Benoit in, racing across the ring and taking Johnny out. Shot for Chuck, Shot for Johnny, another shot for Chuck, another for Johnny, and it's time for rolling Germans. Chuck blocks it, but falls into rollup. Johnny tries to interfere, but eats a gore! They take out the Ref, tho, and while the ref is disoriented, Nunzio rolls Benoit and Chuck over; the Ref counts, and FBI take it! After, FBI escape and Benoit and Rhyno are pissed.

Outside, Steph is calling a phone sex line this time. She calls the guy at the other end Dad (eww!), and tells him that there is no reason for him to be there tonight. While she does this, Brock arrives in the Hummer Limo. Steph asks him what he's doing here, as he has the night off. Brock cryptically says that he's got stuff to do, and brushes by her. Steph stands and just lets the wind blow through her hair as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and we get the wide world of sports treatment on Kurt Angle's life story, up to and including his recent neck surgery.

In the arena, Brock is out and he has something to say. Last Sunday, he went through one hell of a fight, and gives props to John Cena for giving it to him. But that's not what he's out here for. Something happened at Backlash that disgusts him, and tonight, he wants a fight with the Big Show. He didn't like what he did to Rey, and is looking to give Big Show some payback on behalf of all the little guys in the locker room. Big Show answers, and says that if Brock wants him, then he has to put his title on the line. Brock says, "Come and get it!" Big Show tells him that he's on, then waves his finger and says, "But not tonight!" Big Show heads out to the boo's of the crowd.

One more promo for Mr. America, and Team Angle are out for their match (W/ picture of Kurt angle and gold Medals). In the ring already, John Walters and Aaron Stevens. Charlie starts with Aaron, and underestimates him as Aaron gets an early advantage with a dropkick and an Oklahoma roll for 2. Charlie returns with a takedown. Tag to Shelton, and they hit the leapfrog backbreaker. Shelton drives Aaron into the corner, and tells John to tag in. John obliges, and Shelton takes him down. John gets some jobber offense in, but Shelton stops that with a shot to the back. Aaron tries to interfere, but he's taken out easily. Returning their attention to John, Charlie atomic drops him, setting up for the super kick from Shelton and Charlie rolls through for the pin. 

After, Team Angle dump the Jobbers out, and Charlie gets on the stick to call Los Guererros out to give them back their titles. Los Guererros come out; Eddie grabs both belts and gets in the ring, leaving Chavo outside. Chavo joins Eddie shortly, and they begin profusely apologizing for taking the titles, and swear that they will never steal anything of Team Angle's again. They lay the titles at their feet, and as Team Angle celebrate with their newly reacquired titles, Los Guererros make their exits. Charlie grabs the stick again, and informs Eddie and Chavo that they will never wear the titles again. Chavo has a mic and informs Team Angle that while they may be the tag team champions, Los Guererros are Olympic Gold Medallists. Team angle have a good laugh at this... Until Chavo produces Kurt Angle's gold medals that he swiped from Kurt's picture. Team Angle are of course distraught by this. Eddie puts the medal around Chavo's neck as we cut to...

Torrie stretching until Sable stops by and they snipe at each other about last Thursday and Sable messing with Stacy's mind at Backlash. Torrie doesn't want to tag with Sable tonight; Sable tells Torrie that they could be great partners, as long as Torrie wants to play with her. Sable tells Torrie that if she doesn't get what she wants, then last week will just be a taste of what's in store for her.

Back from commercial, and Nidia and Dawn Marie (w/ Jamie Knoble) are out for their match against Sable and Torrie Wilson. Nidia and Dawn attack Torrie to start, Sable jumps in and shoves Dawn off, the ref splits everyone up, and Nidia and Torrie start. Nothing serious happens, as Sable never tags in as Dawn and Nidia work Torrie over. Torrie gets a few offensive moves in, and Nidia and Dawn work the hamstring. Dawn goes for a second rope splash, but misses. Torrie goes to tag, but Sable just looks at her. As Torrie reaches, Sable walks off, and Torrie calls her a bitch a couple times. Dawn drags her out and hooks in a half crab. Torrie eventually submits and Sable Smirks from the top of the ramp.

Outside, Steph tries leaving another message for Vince as he is rolling up in the limo. Vince is proud of his little girl and can't wait to see Mr. America. Steph tries to talk him into going back to the hotel, but he's not having any of it, and rushes by her and into the arena.

We're back for the Main Event Interview, and it's time for Pipers pit. Piper saw Chris Jericho's version of Piper's pit, the Highlight Reel. He tells Jericho that when he loses weight, He'll call him, but when Jericho gets some talent, then he can call Piper. He praises Sean's performance at Backlash, and then wastes no more time in calling out his guest on Pipers Pit: Mr. America.

"Real American" hits, and it's Hul... I mean Mr. America! In red white and blue tights, matching boas, and a blue facemask, He comes out and poses down. He makes it to the ring, and Roddy tries to stop the music, but it simply continues to play as Mr. America continues to pose down. Finally, his music stops, and Roddy goes nuts, and accuses him of being Hulk Hogan. Mr. America takes umbrage at this, and tells that if Roddy ever runs America down again, then he's getting his ass kicked from sea to shining sea. They banter back and forth a bit until "No Chance!" hits and Vince McMahon seethes his way to the ring. He tells Mr. America that he's got a lot of nerve coming back here. MA doesn't know what Vince is talking about, but ponders that Hulk Hogan must have cause brain damage in their match at Wrestlemania. Vince tells Hogan to get out; MA says he's staying. Vince clues in and says that since MA signed a contract, then as CEO of WWE, Vince can officially say, "You're Fired!" MA comes back and informs Vince that he signed a contract with Stephanie McMahon, and that in that contract it has the stipulation that he can't be fired, suspended, or otherwise let go, and that he's here to stay, Brother! Vince has had enough, tho, and says that he's going to prove to the world that the man under the mask is Hulk Hogan by ripping it off himself! Roddy and Sean flank him, but MA comes back with a question that's never been asked before: "Whatcha gonna do when the 24" patriots run wild on you!" and takes Piper out first. O’Hare gets the drop on him and holds him for Vince. As Vince is taking his coat off, MA mulekick's Sean and knocks Vince down. While taking his leave, "Real American" starts again, and pyro filled with red, white, and blue ticker explode and showers down over the arena. Roddy covers Vince with himself as they are going off. At the top of the ramp, MA waves the American flag, and then puts the pole in his tights as he poses to present a fairly disturbing visual as we fade to the WWE logo and we are out.

Just like Raw, Smackdown knocked off the cobwebs and set the storytelling machines working again. Tonight had two bona fide laugh out loud moments with Brian Kendrick and Mr. America, and the card was at the least decent up and down, exception being the Big Show squash. I'm not wild about another Big Show/Lesnar feud, but hey, you got to find someone to keep Brock occupied with until Kurt gets back. Benoit and Rhyno look like they pulled the best outing out of the FBI to date. The prospect of the Tag Team ladder match has me fairly drooling, as the last time Eddie got involved with a Ladder (VS. Edge for the IC title) it had people screaming MOTYC. The women’s stuff is inoffensive filler, and hey, as long as Torrie keeps presenting those, then the fans will be happy. Good show tonight, looking forward to next week.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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