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Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling (*DING*)
May 30, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


My apologies if this seems rushed at all today. This new job is wrecking a bit of havoc on my recapping schedule.

5 minutes out: Will Mr. McMahon finally succeed in unmasking Mr. America? Find out, next!

WWE leader, and Last Thursday, Mr. McMahon was angry, but he took steps to fix that. We go over the drama that unfolded as the show went on last week, Complete with the arrest of Tenacious Zach and Hogan's Count out Loss.

New Smackdown intro. My Verdict: still sucks.

Pyro, and we are live in Pensacola Flo-Duh and later tonight; the FBI will be taking on the super team of Undertaker and Brock.

But forget about that, right now we got titties! Sable is down to the ring, and Cole and Tazz are still talking about the Bikini Contest. LOOK OUT! SHE'S GOT A MIC!

Sable entreats us to wonder what Smackdown would be like without her. Sable says "Hi Tazz, Miss Me?" Tazz responds, "Yeah, like a rash." Sable announces that she's the special guest ring announcer. First up, from Loserville, USA, Weighing in at way too much, Torrie. Torrie down, and she is unfazed by Sable's words. Sable introduces Nidia (W/ her boyfriend Jamie Knoble), and stops in the middle to tell Nidia that she needs a fashion makeover. Jamie is none too pleased by Sable's talking down of the sweet Nidia.

As the girls square off, the all-knowing, all-seeing eye of the camera finds Mr. America’s biggest fan, Zach Gowen! Apparently he had enough for a ringside ticket.

Back in the ring, as Jamie talks trash to Sable, Torrie takes this opportunity to shove him off the apron and the match starts in earnest. Nothing really impressive happens here, they do the standard Smackdown women’s match. Nidia starts working the knee about halfway through. Torrie comes back, they start cat fighting, and Referee Mike Sparks gets the rollover treatment. He apparently enjoyed himself as he jumps up on the ropes to pose with a big grin on his face. Match ends with Jamie up on the ring and shoving Torrie. Torrie goes after Jamie and Nidia gets a rollup for the pin. Sable jumps up and wastes no time announcing Nidia as the winner.

After the match, Tazz goes after Jamie and levels him outside the ring. Nidia tries to interfere, and Tazz nearly slugs her, but saves the honors for Torrie, who proceeds to de-pant Nidia. Sable has grabbed a pitcher full of ice water tho, and she douses Tazz with it. Tazz fumes, Sable gives him a coy wave. Torrie has procured a bottle of water of her own, tho, and looks to douse Sable, but her bum knee won't let her continue the chase. Something tells me a wet T-Shirt contest is in these girls future.

Outside, a Limo drives up and out pops Mr. McMahon. The driver informs him that he'll be right back. Vince asks him why, it's because he's parked in a handicapped area. Vince doesn't care, and tells the driver to stay right there, he won't be long because when Mr. America fails the lie detector test, we'll all be ready to get on with business.

Back, and after Cole and Tazz shill America's Top Model (Next episode: SNAKES!), we go backstage and Steph tests out the Lie detector. She gets her name right, but changes the subject when the interrogator asks her if she's ever cheated on her taxes.

Back Out to the arena, Tazz and Cole go over the Tag Title match last week, and Backstage, Team Angle psyche themselves up for their re-rematch tonight. Elsewhere, Eddie calls Tajiri in and approves of his new attire. Eddie says that Chavito would be proud and says let’s go. Tajiri stops him, and tells us (in remarkably good English) that Los Tajiros won't be walking to the ring. Eddie is perplexed until Tajiri produces a set of keys. Eddie asks where he got them, Tajiri nearly falls over himself explaining, "We lie, we cheat, we STEAL!" As Tajiri exits, Eddie gets all misty at Tajiri's fast learning curve.

"Medal" sounds out, and Team Angle are on their way to the ring, complete with You Suck chant. Eddie and Tajiri are out in a tricked out Chevy Silverado, complete with hydros (Tazz: "They'd better get those shocks looked at). Eddie bounces a couple times, and then they make it into the ring. No sooner than they have given the ref their belts than Team Angle attacks. Eddie takes control quickly with Charlie. Charlie reverses Eddie’s offense with a Back body drop. Eddie tossed and Shelton works him over on the floor. The ref nearly catches him and Shelton 'helpfully' rolls Eddie back in. Charlie tags Shelton in, and Shelton casually keeps Eddie out of his own corner. This backfires, tho when Eddie gets a dropkick out of nowhere and is able to get away to make the tag. Tajiri in with a stiff kick to Shelton’s back, following up with a head scissors. Tajiri gets a sunset flip and proceeds to roll Shelton all around the ring. Tajiri with the pin attempt but Shelton barely kicks out. Shelton is shaky as he stands up; Tajiri floors him with another dropkick. Tajiri throws a couple elbows, goes for the side headlock. Shelton gets away and they both have the same idea and hit stereo roundhouse kicks on each other. Both men down and Charlie and Eddie rush the ring and we go to commercial!

Back from commercial, and everyone is just finished GETTING ROWDY But the ref clears everyone out of the ring and Charlie is left to have his way with Tajiri. Charlie immediately goes to work on the leg, which Tajiri sells like he's being murdered. Charlie slapping on the sideways figure-4, Tajiri tries to slap out, but Charlie shrugs it off. Charlie grabs Tajiri up and hits a knee breaker. Tag to Shelton, and Shelton wrenches the leg around some more, concentrating on the knee. Tag back to Charlie, and Charlie lays in with the stomps on the knees. Charlie locks in a modified half crab (sitting on the foot) Eddie rushes in to break the move. While the ref is distracted with Eddie, Shelton trades places with Charlie without the tag. Ref turns around and didn't see the tag. He tells Shelton to get out, and begins arguing with the both of them. During all this, Tajiri sneaks away and ALMOST gets the tag but Charlie grabs him at just the last instant. Charlie keeping the pressure on Tajiri's knee. Tag to Shelton. As Charlie holds, Shelton slingshots himself and drops on the knee. Shelton works on the knee some more, but makes the mistake of picking Tajiri up and Tajiri reverses into a leg scissors. Double Tag, and Eddie is in to lay down some smack on Charlie. Belly to back suplex. Shelton tries to interfere, but gets posted for his trouble. Eddie follows up with a monkey flip, and a hat trick vertical suplex. Eddie goes up for the Frog splash. Shelton tries to interfere, but Eddie kicks him off. Eddie flies, and he hits! 1-2-no as Shelton breaks up the pin. They do a nice rope running sequence that ends up with Eddie taking an atomic super kick. Charlie rolling over for the pin, but Tajiri breaks it up. Double team on Eddie, and they try a double sidewalk slam, but Eddie reverses into a double DDT. Eddie stumbles into his corner and tags Tajiri in. Tajiri in with the buzzsaw punches and kicks. Charlie grabs the bad leg, but Tajiri hits the Enziguri. He goes up for the tornado DDT, but Charlie reverses into a Northern lights suplex into a bridge. Eddie breaks up the pin, then back body drops Shelton out of the ring. Tajiri up, and hits a super kick with the bad leg! Eddie up, and he dives out of the ring to knocks Shelton out. In the ring, Charlie dodges a Tajiri kick and locks in the Haas of Pain. The bell rings out of nowhere, tho. The ref is confused, but Charlie tries to celebrate. While the ref tries figure out what happened, Eddie is in the ring with one of the tag belts and he misses Charlie by a mile. They both go for the belt, which Eddie lets Charlie have, and then Eddie drops to the mat. The ref turns around, sees Eddie 'out' on the floor, Charlie with the belt and calls for the bell for real this time. The champs collect their belts and head out as Charlie goes nuts in the ring.

Backstage, Mr. America is concerned about his fate past the taking of the Lie Detector test.

Tazz and Cole ponder what the results will be, as well as the fate of the Hulksters young fan, Zach. Josh has cornered him in the audience while they set up the Lie Detector in the ring. Zach is worried, but he still has faith that Mr. America will pass the test.

Back from commercial, and Mr. McMahon is out with an extra bit of confidence in his swagger. He's still got that Smile on his face, and he welcomes us to a very special edition of Smackdown. Why so special? Because tonight is the last time that we will ever see Hulk Hogan in any form whatsoever. Vince goes over the basics of the Lie detector, the stips once again, and is about to bring Mr. America out when he gets a better idea. He spies Zach in the front row. Vince tells Zach that after Mr. America fails the test, they will both have something in common: Neither of them will have a leg to stand on! Haw! Vince can't believe he said that, and then gets on with it and calls Mr. America out.

Mr. America is out looking somewhat forlorn. He gets in the ring and Vince gets in his face. Hogan sits down and Vince lets him know that he makes all his employees take the same test. Why? Because he can't stand a liar!

The start the test:

"Are you the man known as Mr. America?"

"Yes." *Ding!*

"Are you sitting in a wrestling ring in Pensacola, Florida?" This gets a big pop. SIGN THAT INTERVIEWER UP!

"Yes." *Ding!*

At this, Vince tells the interviewer to pick it up and ask him THE QUESTION! The interviewer tells Vince that there is a method to his madness. and proceeds to ask him "Are you employed by Smackdown."

"Yes." *Ding!*

Vince gets fed up and proceeds to ask THE QUESTION himself.

"Are you Hulk Hogan?"

Mr. America hesitates. "Can I get a glass of water?"

Vince lets him have a glass of water, telling him it isn't going to help. Vince then asks Hogan one more time.

"No!" *Ding!*

Vince goes ballistic, and tells the interviewer to ask again. The interviewer asks.

"No!" *Ding!"

Vince tells him to ask a third time, getting the same results. Vince throws a tantrum, telling MA that he is Hogan repeatedly. MA responds to the negative multiple times, followed by a series of happy *Dings!* Vince asks the interviewer what this means, the interviewer says that MA has passed the test! MA leaps out of his chair and proceeds to pose to the crowd. Vince stops the celebration short and goes to prove that the Lie Detector test is broken by putting himself in the chair.

Vince is strapped down, and the interviewer starts with the basic questions, but MA interrupts, asking Vince if he really is the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. Vince says no, this gets a big BUZZ! Hogan then asks Vince if he pleasures himself while reading the Torrie Wilson Playboy Spread, and before Vince can answer, My UPN affiliate screws up and loses the signal! I never get that pressing answer, but we come back just in time to hear Vince talking about Mae and Moolah. Hogan allows Vince to embarrass himself  bit more, and Vince storms out of the chair, but not before telling Hogan the he hates him, eliciting one last *Ding!* Vince gets in MA's face, then takes a swing at him. MA blocks easily and lays Vince out to the approval of the crowd. MA exits and we go to commercial.

Backstage, Vince asks Steph if she saw what was going on out there, then tells her to shut up. He reminds her that she was the one responsible for hiring the detectives and testing to make sure the lie detector works, this second one eliciting a "Ding!" from Steph. Vince glares at her and then promises that next week, some changes are going to be made. Well folks, you've been wanting him, now it looks like you are going to finally get Shane-o-Mac as GM!

Out in the ring, Sean O'Hare is out (W/ Roddy Piper). Piper takes a few seconds to taunt Zach at ringside. This is interrupted by Benoit coming out to show Sean what's what.

Lockup, Sean forces Benoit into the corner, then starts clubbing Benoit down, laying in with some massive rights. Benoit off the ropes and he ducks a clothesline and counters a kick with a dragon leg whip. Benoit with Kicks and punches and knife Edge Chops. Sean comes back with a stiff kick to the chest, cover, gets 2. Sean wrestling Chris down and locking in the head vice. Benoit fights his way out, dodges a spin kick, and counters with a DDT. Both men down. Sean back up, but Benoit is on him with the knife-edge chops. German Suplex, Cover attempt, gets two. Benoit manhandling Sean until Piper trips him up. Benoit didn't like this and goes out to chase. Piper leads him back into the ring where Sean is waiting. Benoit just bowls him over and locks a crossface into Piper. Sean breaks this up with a running kick. Sean down, rolling Benoit up with the tights, and Sean gets the duke. piper and Sean bail and celebrate up the ramp while Benoit glares.

After the match, we get hype for Lesnar/Undertaker vs. FBI later, and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and we get hype for Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy next week! They go over how he got the title shot real quick, and we get back to Rey who is backstage. Rey says that he has every confidence that he will be the next cruiserweight champion. He goes over that he'll be home, performing in front of his family and friends. Matt interrupts this with mocking comments and tells Rey that the crowd can chant all he wants, that nothing is going to stop him from beating Rey's ass! Rey gets all up in Matt's area, telling him he's not afraid. Matt responds that he should be, and proceeds to kick Rey in the balls. Rey goes down, just barely keeping his lunch in.

Tazz and Cole go over what just happened, and segue into a "desire" video for Kurt Angle set to Coldplay. It's one of the more awe inspiring ones that they've done so far (Lonely Road of Faith and the Canada only Bret Hart one edge it out). If Kurt is a heel when he comes back next week, I'll be surprised. But not for long.

Back from commercials, and we get a quick promo package for Ultimo Dragon! Yes!

Out to the ring, and Spanky and Rikishi are out to take on Doug and Danny, The Basham Brothers!

Rikishi starts with Doug (Cole helpfully identifies them for me), who goes a whole lot of nowhere. Rikishi tosses him, and Danny tries to come in with a sunset flip. Before Rikishi can drop on him, Danny gets out and Doug rushes in only to be floored by a clothesline. Tag to Spanky, who flies in and nails Doug with a flying elbow. one for Danny as well and Brian goes for the cover, but Doug kicks out. Doug forces Spanky into his corner, and Spanky fends him off until Danny trips him up. Doug with a leg drop, then following up with a tag. Danny works over Spanky with some power stuff, Tag to Doug, more of the same. Cover, Spanky kicks out. Doug with the side headlock, but Spanky powers up, gets an arm drag sending Doug to Rikishi's corner. Doug tries to back off, but Spanky follows up with a Boot to tha Head (Yaa Yaa!) Tag to Rikishi, and he’s a ball of fire, fists all around, Samoan drop for you, stacking them up in the corner, Samoan splash. Both brothers are down and Rikishi applies the Stink face! Tag to Spanky, who revs up and goes for the Monkey flip, but Danny grabs onto Doug and Spanky hits the deck. Doug rolling up Spanky, and Danny giving Doug a helping foot with the pin. Spanky pinned, and the Basham Brothers get a win in their WWE Debut.

Outside of the arena, Vince’s Limo is up on a tow truck. Vince is incredulous, but thee isn't anything the driver can do about it. Vince tells the driver to go and tell the Tow truck driver to take him to the airport. As the driver does this, a cane appears and taps on Vince’s window. Vince rolls the window down and Zach is there. "Mr. McMahon, don't you realize that you aren't supposed to park in a handicapped zone?" Vince goes ballistic again, but the Limo is already in motion. was Vince is carried off, Zach shares a chuckle at Vince's expense with us all.

Up Next, The big main event thingy they've been hyping all night.

The stacker 2 burn of the night is the FBI's working over of Undertaker last month.

Undertaker is out on a new bike, followed closely by Smiling Brock Lesnar. Brock pauses to admire 'Takers ride before getting in the ring. The FBI are out, and Nunzio lets us know that he won't be participating in tonight’s big main event because of the MASSIVE bump he took last week at the hands of Undertaker. BUT, not to fret, he has found a suitable replacement. At that, Big Show is out to saunter his way to the ring, and this has shocked everyone so much, that we need to go to commercial.

This week on Confidential: The real story of Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. Again.

Back, and everyone is in the ring facing off. 'Taker breaks the ice by going after Chuck Palumbo. Taker dominates until Chuck gets an elbow up. Chuck with some offense until Taker breaks it up with a flying Clothesline, and then Old School. Tag to Brock, and Brock takes it to Chuck. Chuck gets a bit of offense in and tags in Johnny, who fares about as well. Tazz calls Johnny "Stromboli" a couple times. Tag to Undertaker, power offense on Johnny. Undertaker goes for the elbow drop, but Johnny dodges. Johnny attempting to get some offense in, but Undertaker gets a DDT and goes for the cover. Chuck breaks it up and Johnny scrambles to tag Big Show in. Big Show in and face-to-face with Undertaker, But he doesn't want Undertaker, he wants Brock. Brock is more than enthusiastic to tag in and Brock goes for the brawling to try taking Show down. Show stops it with a big clothesline, tho. Big slaps in the corner, Head butt knocks Brock down. Show goes for the leg drop, Brock dodges. Brock with a trio of clotheslines, the third finally knocking Show down. Brock going for the F-5, but Chuck runs in. Brock drops Show and spinebusters Chuck right out of the ring. Brock turns back around into a Big Show Chokeslam. Taker saves the pin, tho. As the ref gets Taker out, FBI work Brock over on the outside. Tag to Johnny and the FBI take turns working Brock over in the corner. Chuck kicks Brock out of the ring, and Big Show slams him outside the ring. Taker tries to save with the ring steps, but the Ref is out to stop that, meanwhile Nunzio gets his shots in. Brock rolled back in, and Chuck tries to cover, but Brock has the ropes. Tag to Johnny, and he works Brock over a bit, but Brock gets a desperation clothesline. Double tag, and Taker takes it to Show, squashing him and Johnny in the corners in turn. Snake eyes for Chuck, Big Boot and Johnny tossed. Big Show back up and trying to slam Taker, but Taker reverses into a Dragon Sleeper. Nunzio breaks it up with a wussy chair shot and eats a chokeslam for his troubles. Chuck gives Taker some sweet chin music and Brock gets a blind tag. Chuck tosses Taker, but Brock is there with an F-5 Chuck, F-5 for Johnny, But Big Show is there too. Brock takes a choke slam, 1-2-3, and Big Show has upset Brock.

After, everyone is in pain, we get a replay of the two F-5's and the chokeslam for the pin. Lots of staredowns and FBI trash talking, and we are out.

Placeholder show. No real advancement of any storylines, apart from Mr. America's passing of the lie detector test. Somewhat impressive debut of the Basham Brothers. They look like they could go places. Eddie using the same trick two weeks in a row was fun, but will lose its luster after a while.  All in all, while this show was good, it wasn't impressive. But, since the PPV is still a month and a half away, they can take their time with stories now. See you next week.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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