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Better, Warmer, Closer...
October 31, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Another week, another recap. Unfortunately, because my work is making me do mandatory overtime this Saturday, it means that Halloween will be spent dressed like Johnny Bravo and giving out candy to neighborhood kids. The real party will be Saturday night in Baltimore and I’ll be dressed as The Special Guest Referee! Yeah, cheesy, I know, but hey, when you are pressed for time and you don’t have anything else, you struggle.

Point of interest from Last weeks Smackdown! Jaq22d@aohell.com writes:

“The 64 impala is one of my friends, it wasn’t donated by any hydro company. It’s a part of Performance Prone and used to be a part of "poor boyz" in upstate NY, hence the "poor 64.”

Well, score one for the small guys. You see, you don’t need to be a big name company to get your product on WWE. Yes, in WWE, anything truly can happen!

Oh, and if anyone is playing the McDonalds game and you have Mediterranean, Vermont, Ventnor, or Kentucky game pieces just laying around, or any unused Best Buy Bucks, shoot me an E-mail and we can work something out^_~

Anyway, Judge Joe Brown just awarded a disgruntled set of Ex-lovers a total of $11 each (as in, they pay each other $11 each, thus canceling each other out) and they are being interviewed on the courthouse steps, so that only means one thing: it’s time for Wrasslin'!

5 Minute out bumper: Paul Heyman’s reign has just begun, and boy does he have surprises for us! Tune in, NEXT!

WWE Leader, and last Week, Paul Heyman took over, The Undertaker won a handicap match, and Vinnie-Mac loaded up his drawers when ‘Taker named his match of choice to be a buried alive match and announced Vince himself as his opponent.

Opening (dammit, it’s grown on me!), and no Pyro because it’s time for Kurt Angle in Tag Team action! While Kurt poses, it’s revealed that Smackdown will be having it’s OWN Survivor series match. Great, Two Survivor Series matches, and two basically identical gimmick matches slated for the PPV (Buried Alive and the Ambulance match). Kurt’s partner is Chris Benoit. Their Opponents are John Cena and A-Train. John raps about how Kurt and Chris are having a lovers quarrel and draws a comparison to A-Train and a Wookie (to which A-Train takes offense, but Cena says it was a compliment, that chicks dig the furry look.)

Benoit and Cena start. Benoit grabs a side headlock. Benoit runs the ropes and gets a quick backslide for 2. Cena gets a hiptoss, but eats a knife-edge. Tag to Kurt, and while he beats the shit out of John, Tazz calls Cole R2-D2, to which Cole says R2D2 is more Tazz’s look. Tazz tells Cole to shut up while A-Train is tagged in and he takes it to Angle. Cena tries to help, only to get clotheslined out of the ring for his troubles. A-Train gets some big man offense in to wear Kurt down, then Cena is tagged back in. Cena gets a couple clotheslines then taunts Benoit who looks to go and kick Johns ass. When John turns around again, Angle has a little bit of Ankle Lock for him, but A-train breaks that up. Cena working Angle over, but Angle gets a clothesline out of nowhere, and both men are down. Double tag, and Benoit proceeds to kick A-Trains ass! German Suplex, and Up for the flying Headbutt, but A-Train rolls away. Both men up, and A-Train with a bicycle kick. Angle injects himself and A-train eats an angle slam. Cena in and hitting an F-U on Angle. Benoit pops back up and takes Cena out, tossing him out of the ring. A-Train back up, but Benoit is there and this time we get the Hat Trick suplex’s! Benoit with the throat slash, going up top, and this time the Headbutt hits! Cover, 1-2-3 and it’s one more, for the good guys! Angle and Benoit take a leisurely stroll back up the ramp, meanwhile, Cena is taking offense at A-Train allowing himself to get pinned. A-Train protests, piefaceing Cena, to which Cena responds with an F-U. Looks like it’s A-Train turning face. Maybe he’ll at least put his old wrestling togs back on.

Backstage, something is vexing Vince. He gets in Paul’s face, and then asks him what he’s done. Paul informs us that he’s given Undertaker off until Survivor Series, which drives Vince up the batty tree. Vince wants Terrorists to burn ‘Takers house down, a biker gang to rape his wife, and various other unpleasantries on the dead man. He gives Paul 15 minutes to make it happen, and then promises that if it doesn’t’ happen, Paul is going to get dragged to the ring and Vince will choke the life out of him.

Back from commercials, and Torrie Wilson is stepping out of the shower (with perfect make-up, no less) and trying on some slinky lingerie for the Trick or Treat costume contest later tonight against Dawn Marie.

Elsewhere, Benoit is walking, and Kurt catches his attention for a second. Short and sweet, Kurt wants him as his first partner for Team Angle at Survivor series. Benoit gets in Kurt’s face, and then says yeah, he’ll do it. He reiterates that He’s not Kurt’s friend. Kurt says he doesn’t want a friend; he wants a win.

Still elsewhere, Paul Heyman enters Vince’s office, and tells him that he’s done nothing. Vince threatens to make good on his promise: Drag Paul to the ring, Choke the life out of him, and then when he’s dead, Send him to Detroit… err… fire him. Paul says, “Yes, fire me!” and proceeds to butter Vince up, saying he doesn’t want to work for the Vince McMahon that beats up his daughter and fights a one legged wrestler. He wants to work for the Vince McMahon that stood up to the US government and stood toe to toe with Ted Turner, took on Stone Cold Steve Austin, and gave everyone “No Chance in Hell”. Vince gets inspired and storms out, leaving Paul with a smug look.

Back, and Tazz and Cole are pondering what Vince’s new mindset is going to be.

After Looking at some of the highlights from this weekend’s house shows, Tajiri (w/ Yakuza) joins Tazz and Cole on commentary and informs us in broken English that he’s down to check out the competition.

Rey Mysterio is out to take on Ultimo Dragon.

Circle, lock up, and Dragon gets a side headlock. Some flippy floppy action, and Dragon uses his size to dominate Rey. Rey gets a springboard press and gets 2 on the cover. Both men back up and Dragon kicks the shit out of Rey. Dragon charges in and eats boot. Rey gets a head scissors followed by a bulldog. Cover gets 2. Dragon comes back and tries to splash Rey on the ropes, but Rey moves and Dragon gets hung up. Rey goes for the 6-1-9, but Dragon Back Body Drops him out, but Rey hangs on to hangman Dragon on the ropes. Rey goes for the west coast pop, but Dragon gets a kick to the ribs, followed by a spin kick to put Rey down. Rey comes back and the Ref gets bumped. While Dragon makes sure the ref is all right, Tajiri pops up and gives Rey a kick to the ribs. Dragon turns around, sees Rey down, and covers for the pin.

After, Tajiri is up to offer a bow, but Dragon wants nothing of it and walks out. While Dragon leaves, Tajiri and his Yakuza buddies plot something, probably an ambush later.

Backstage, Big Show and Brock Lesnar argue over who let who down last week. A stagehand interrupts and informs Brock that Heyman wants him in the ring, Next!

Back from commercials, and Paul Heyman is making his way to the ring with Nathan Jones and another slab of meat. Heyman reintroduces us to Nathan, and names the other slab of beef Matt Morgan. Now, down to business. Safe and secure between the two monsters, he calls Brock down to the ring. Brock is smart enough not to get in the ring. Brock interrupts Paul and says he remembers how Paul screwed him. Paul wants him to get in the ring, so Brock says ok, but not without his running buddy, Big Show. Ok, so who exactly are the babyfaces here?

Everyone in the ring, and Brock runs everyone in the ring down. Brock says that he hates Paul, and he’d better make it quick. Paul answers my question and names Matt and Nathan to Brock’s team at Survivor series. While Brock likes this idea, Paul has another idea. Apparently the APA have been ringing Paul’s phone off the hook, so Paul decided to make an APA vs. Brock/Big Show match for the main event. Handshakes all around…

And it’s time for our Backstage Velocity Jobber Vignette. Orlando Jones and Paul London are playing the Smackdown game when Dawn Marie interrupts them to get their opinion on her costume. The boys are taken appropriately aback, and Dawn heads out, and while Orlando watches after her, Paul sneaks a couple moves in on the game, and it’s on again as we go to commercial.

Back from commercials, and Hardcore Holley is promising some pain on Brock Lesnar.

In the ring, Funaki is dressed like a pimp, and he introduces the Trick or Treat contest. Torrie is out in a sexy bunny outfit, and Dawn-Marie is out wearing Wonder Woman. Standard audience-picks-the-winner rules. Torrie Shakes her ass, then Dawn-Marie (I personally picked Dawn. I always liked Wonder Woman.) Funaki calls for the reaction, and Torrie wins best costume. Funaki announces part two: bobbing for apples. Torrie goes to bob, but Dawn stops her and says, “Let me go first.” She gets Funaki to take her boots off, and then submerges herself in the chocolate. Tazz and Cole wonder what she’s doing until the top comes off. Dawn shows off her chocolate covered glory until Tazz interrupts. He says that Dawn has given us the treat and makes a vague reference to Torrie about showing Funaki the trick. Torrie clues in and we get the setup for Funaki to go into the fudge, but Torrie SWERVES US ALL by shoving Tazz into the goop. Torrie exits quickly and we all share a quick laugh at Tazz’s expense as we go to commercial.

The Cat is coming back! Somebody better call his momma!

Backstage, John Cena is about to go to the hotel when he’s stopped by Brock. Cena wonders what’s up, and Brock tells him that it’s not official, but he thinks that Cena is going to be the 5th member on team Lesnar. He leaves Cena to ponder on this as we go to commercial again.

Back from commercials, and Tazz is coated. He decides to give Cole a BIG HUG!

Backstage, Chavo is giving Eddie the 3rd degree, telling him that Eddie is sinking low, like when he was on the drugs and the alcohol. He tells Eddie that he owes him, his family, his friends, and all the fans a public apology. Eddie looks like he’d rather be anywhere but there, and decides to take himself up on the offer.

Flashback to last week and Eddie getting pinned to lose the tag titles.

Viva la Rasa! And a somber Eddie makes his way to the ring. Eddie is sorry for letting everyone down. He comes out and puts his heart into everything, and if he hasn’t given us 100% recently, then he apologizes. He says that Chavo’s comments about the drugs and alcohol hurt. A random fan yells, ‘You suck!’ and Eddie runs that ball in for a touchdown by acknowledging it and saying that yeah, he does suck right now. He says that losing the 2 titles hurt, but he’s going to keep on and live by his fathers, the great Gory Guererro’s, words, “A mans character is not defined by what he is when he’s on top, it’s defined by what he does when he’s knocked down.” Eddie vows that he will fight back; he will bring himself, and will wear the gold again.

Shaniqua decides to interrupt the proceedings, taunting him with the tag titles. Eddie warns her that if she steps in the ring, then she’ll have to deal with Latino Heat! As she climbs the steps, the Bashams sneak into the ring, but Eddie fights them off, tossing Danny, back suplexing Doug, back suplexing Shaniqua, and setting up for the frogsplash, but Danny interrupts, knocking Eddie off the top, and the beatdown begins. After a couple minutes of this, Chavo finally runs down to make the save. Chavo tells the Bashams that they are lucky he wasn’t here, and leads Eddie off. Hmm, that’s not signaling a heel turn by Chavo at all.

Back from Commercials, and Eddie is being looked at by a trainer when Paul walks in. The Eddie demands a tag title shot. Paul tells Eddie that all slates are wiped clean and Eddie has to earn the shot again. He makes the match next week: “If you can beat the Bashams next week, then the Guererros get a title shot at Survivor series.” Eddie is ecstatic until Paul corrects him and tells him that it’s just Eddie against the Bashams. Understandably, this pisses Eddie off.

Elsewhere, Josh has cornered Kurt Angle and asks him about Team Angle. Kurt is enthusiastic about his team’s chances, because he just got off the phone with Hardcore Holly and he’s in, and he picked his last two members and they are “standing right over there.” The Camera pans over to a couple schlubs scratching themselves. Josh points this out and Kurt corrects them and the APA walk out. Bradshaw calls Josh a “Froot booty!” and tells Angle to grab his drink of choice, sit back, relax, and watch them beat up on Brock and Big Show. Farooq gives us a “Damn!” and we are off to commercial.

Back, and Tazz tells us all that Chocolate sucks. They segue us to Undertaker giving us an interview in a darkened room about why he picked the buried alive match. Basically, he wants to be champion, and the biggest obstacle to that goal is Vince, so the best way to get Vince out of the way, is to bury him alive.

And now, it’s Main Event time! Brock Lesnar is out first, followed by Big Show. They decide to warm up by taking on a commercial break.

Back from Commercials, and the APA are down. Brock starts with Bradshaw. Brock starts off with a kick to the gut and proceeds to pound Bradshaw down in the corner. Bradshaw comes back with some brawling offense. Brock forces Bradshaw into his corner where Big Show gets the tag. He comes in with a head butt and beatdown commences. Bradshaw gets some standard offense in, but Big Show keeps pounding on him. Bradshaw dodges a charge and gets a tag to Faarooq. Faarooq charges across the ring and takes Brock off the apron, then turns his attention to Big Show. Big Show comes back and gets a spinebuster. Bradshaw back in with a clothesline from heck. Bradshaw them bails and takes in Brock some more while Faarooq continues with Big Show. Brock fights Bradshaw off tho, grabs a chair, and jumps in the ring to lay Faarooq out with it, drawing the DQ. Bradshaw charges in, only to eat steel himself. Brock lays the chair across Faarooq's knee as Big Show does a second rope leg drop on it. They are about to do the same with Bradshaw when Benoit and Angle are down. Crossface for Brock and Angle slam for Big Show. Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones are down right after to deliver big boots aplenty. After a minute or so of beating down on the faces, the heels stand tall in the ring and we fade out.

Another good show. This one was heavier on the storytelling aspect, but it was handled MUCH better than the past few weeks. Smackdown now has 3 matches set up for Survivor series (Their own 10-man match, Buried alive, and who actually thinks Eddie isn’t going to win the handicap match next week?) and Tajiri is just a super kick away from picking an opponent so that the Cruiserweight title will be defended as well (maybe in a three way dance against Rey and Jamie Knoble). Hopefully next week we’ll get some good action to build to Survivor series.

Anyway, gotta cut my thoughts short this week. Next week, I, unfortunately, will not be able to handle the recapping duties, so see ya in two weeks!


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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