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A Thanksgiving Tradition Ends:
SD! Fails to Suck!
November 28, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Well, hope everyone out there had a wonderful Thanksgiving and got to spend it with your loved ones in happiness. And if you were like me and circumstances prohibited you from doing so, then I hope you at least made the best of your situation. Me, I watched some anime, worked 6 hours, took a nap and browsed the 2-Day ads for all the stuff that I’m not going to be able to get out of work in time to take advantage of.

5-Minutes out Bumper: Somebody better call my momma! The Cat makes his Debut on Smackdown tonight! Also, It’s not good to cross the boss. Will Vince make life hard for John Cena? Find out, NEXT!

Funny thing on Tvguide.com: the blurb for Smackdown tonight says tonight is the return of Kurt Angle. Let’s see if it happens.

WWE Leader, and we go directly into the show to see all the Smackdown superstars surrounding the ring and Paul Heyman in the middle of the ring. Paul promises that this will be the greatest Thanksgiving spectacular ever! Tonight, Paul is carrying on the great American tradition of opportunity, and this will be personified with a 20-Man, over-the-top-rope Battle Royal, with a shot at the WWE championship on the line. The Camera lingers with both Paul and Benoit in the frame for a few seconds. Foreshadowing, Maybe? This brings Brock Lesnar down to a loud “You Tapped out” chant. Brock wishes us “ Well happy Thanksgiving to you too!” Brock has a lot to be thankful, mainly being the youngest WWE champion of all time, and his status as the GREATEST champion of all time. Brock is not afraid of anyone in the arena or surrounding the ring. He’s not afraid of a man that flies around like a Mexican Jumping bean (getting in Rey Mysterio’s face here). He’s not afraid of a 7-foot tall, 500-pound monster. He’s not afraid of a man who hasn’t been champion yet (John Cena). And he’s not afraid of a man who never WILL be champion (Chris Benoit). He says that he’ll never tap out again, and in fact, anyone who gets in the ring with him, he’ll make THEM tap out. The crowd boo’s lustily, and Paul and Brock confer for a second, and Paul lets us know that two men standing around the ring will have to earn their spot in the Battle Royal. First is John Cena, who will have to take on A-Train. Next is Chris Benoit who will find out who is opponent is when he has his match against him, NEXT!

Back, and Chris is in the ring, awaiting his opponent.

Matt Morgan comes out and Benoit takes it right too him, attacking before he can get in the ring. Matt pulls him out, but Benoit takes right over with brawling, Dropkicks to the mush, and knife-edge chops. Big Vertical suplex, but as Benoit goes to pick Matt up, Matt overpowers him and forces him into the corner and taking Benoit apart methodically. Power moves abound. Matt with the delayed vertical, and cover gets two. Morgan with a few kicks, a backbreaker, and a blatant choke. Matt going to jump on Benoit, but Benoit moves and Matt lands badly on the ropes. It looked like he was trying to crotch himself on the second rope, but it ended up with him busting his head on the mat. Benoit goes for the flying headbutt, but Matt moves and Benoit eats canvas. Matt gets cocky and tries for a chokeslam, but Benoit reverses and locks in the crossface, causing Matt to tap in short order. Benoit celebrates.

Backstage, Jamie Knoble wonders if Nidia is really as blind as she lets on. Nidia gets all sarcastic at him. Jamie scares her real quick to test, and satisfied with the results, he tells her he doesn’t want her at ringside during his match tonight. Nidia begs, promising to just sit by Cole and Tazz and be good. Jamie grudgingly accepts and they head out.

Back from commercials, and Tazz and Cole are now CG turkeys. One quick Cat promo later, and Jamie Knoble (w/ Nidia) is out and after dropping her off with Tazz, Jamie is in the ring. Akio (w/ Tajiri) is out next. Akio takes advantage of Jamie telling Tajiri off to sneak in and commence the beat down. Jamie turns the tide quickly, sending Akio out and hitting a dive through the second rope. Jamie gives chase after Tajiri, but Tajiri leads Jamie into an Akio heel kick and Akio takes over. Akio controls for a bit until they hit a pinfall reversal sequence that gives us about 10 2-counts and ending in a double clothesline. Both men back up, and they exchange chops. Jamie wins the exchange with a neckbreaker. Cover gets two. Akio gets control and applies an interesting variation on the tarantula (locking his legs around Jamie’s head and hanging backwards over the top rope) Meanwhile, Tajiri notices that Nidia is at the announce table and decides to go torment her. While he sneaks up on her, Jamie hits a superplex. Back at the announce table, Tajiri is now standing on it and suggestively thrusting his crotch in Nidia’s face. Nidia feels up Tajiri’s legs, gets her bearings, and gives him a MASSIVE uppernut! Tajiri funnyfaces, and falls off the table. Jamie notices this, and in his moment of distraction, Akio schoolboys him, grabs the shorts, and gets the 1-2-3. Sakoda is down to attend to Tajiri and Jamie goes to make sure Nidia is all right.

Backstage, Shannon Moore is all taped up and Paul Heyman comes by to give him the big clap on the back. You see, Paul envisions Shannon on the cover of Smackdown Magazine, and to help pave the way to that goal, Paul has given Shannon a match up even bigger than last week: Nathan Jones. Shannon, obviously, is quite nonplussed at this.

Thanksgiving: Rey Mysterio is thankful for all the fans that keep dialing it up, 6-1-9 style, and for his good health, great career, and his family.

Back to the show, and Shannon Moore is already in the ring to take on Nathan Jones. Shannon dropkicks him as he tries dieseling over the ropes. A few kicks, and Shannon goes out. As Shannon tries to get cute coming in, Nathan grabs him, holds him up in a choke for a few seconds, and then drops him to the floor. Nathan taking over with his standard big man stuff. Shannon gets a couple feet up and tries going to the top, but Nathan grabs him in a REVERSE gorilla press slam. Rest of the match is Shannon bumping wildly for Nathan’s offense. Nathan grabs Shannon, hits a tilt-a-whirl into a sidewalk slam, and the cover is perfunctory. A few recaps of the finish, a shot of Nathan looking intense, and we go…

Backstage, and the Smackdown crew are enjoying a lovely Thanksgiving repast (How the hell are the Bashams eating with a ball and gag and leather fetish mask on? Wait, maybe that’s the point....) John Cena calls a halt to the proceedings and says that they need to say grace. So everyone bows their heads and John proceeds to say a prayer basically saying that he cant wait to eat Torrie’s breasts and thighs, that he’s going to have Dawn Marie’s pie for dessert, that he’s going to give Shaniqua some white sprinkles for he chocolate mousse, and moves on to talk to the girl dressed as an Indian (Jamie Koeppe?) and tell her that she’s causing him to pitch a teepee of his own, but to look out for the gobbledygooker (pan to Spanky in Turkey costume). John says that he’s going to sample the pie, but gets his first, everyone else is second.

Back from commercials, and Eddie is concerned for Chavo and the condition of his knee. Chavo says he’s fine, and is going to be out to watch Eddie’s back. Eddie says, “OK” and they head out.

Out in the ring, Charlie Haas (w/ Shelton Benjamin) is out to take on Eddie Guererro (w/Chavo and swank low rider.)

Charlie starts with a couple punches and sending Eddie to the corner, but he takes a second to taunt Chavo and Eddie capitalizes, taking it to Charlie, working on Charlie’s knee in the corner. Ref pulls Eddie off and Charlie gets a few cheap shots in. Eddie goes back in, but Charlie gets control again and starts taking Eddie apart with a series of suplexes and mat wrestling moves. Charlie locking in the arm-bar, but Eddie fights back up and knees his way out. Charlie into the corner, Eddie ramming his head into the turnbuckle. Charlie set up on the top, Eddie with the hurricanrana. Hat Trick Verticals, and Eddie signals for the frogsplash. Eddie up, but Charlie moves. Eddie rolls through and rushes to the other side of the ring to knock Shelton off the apron. Shelton is back up to try going after Eddie, but the Ref holds him up. Eddie takes advantage of the situation to jump out and snatch Chavo’s crutch. Chavo falls down, but Eddie is back in and blasting Charlie in the midsection with it. Eddie with the small package, and the ref counts 3! Shelton is in to apply the beatdown, tho. Eddie sent out, and as Chavo tries to come in to help, Shelton goes after him and starts working Chavo’s leg. Eddie back in and chasing Shelton off with the crutch. As Eddie stands triumphant, Chavo is ticked at him for taking the crutch. Eddie tries to calm Chavo down, but Chavo is pissed. Chavo snatches his bent crutch back and makes his exit, leaving Eddie to shake his head in the ring.

Back, and A-Train is out to take on John Cena. Heh, both these guys are from Boston, guess which one people are likely to care about?

Cena grabs a mic to rap, but A-trains all, “Nope, once a night is enough” and sneak attacks John. After a few seconds of brawling, John gets the advantage and sends A-Train out. John deshirts, and the match starts proper. John playing keepaway, ducking a bicycle kick, but as soon as he slows down, A-Train grabs him and the match slows down as A-Trains power moves take over. Abdominal stretch applied. John punches his way out and goes for a body slam, but A-Train is big and fat and Cena can’t hold him up. Cover, only gets 2. A-Train tosses Cena out, goes out after him, and tosses him back in. As A-Train comes back in, Cena kicks the rope and he’s Dieseling over it, causing a low blow. Throwback, a little shuffle and a fist drop and cover only gets 2. Cena going for the FU, but A-Train wriggles out and takes over with a back breaker. A-Train beating John down and going for the cover, but John grabs a rope, A-train pulls john out and tries again, but John kicks out. A-Train getting frustrated. He jumps out of the ring, throws a few foreign objects in, and climbs back in, only to walk into a kick to the gut and John hitting the FU. John covers, 1-2-3, and John has earned his way into the battle royal.

In the limo, Bruce and The Cat are hyped for their Smackdown Debut, and it’s coming up NEXT!

Back from commercials, and Tazz and Cole talk about the recent happenings with Hardcore Holly. This segues to Hardcore Holly giving the Live Via Satellite interview with Hardcore telling us that he’s going to break Brock’s neck.

Back in the ring, and Bruce is out to give a proper introduction for The Cat! Cat has new music, is wearing a leather jumpsuit. As he tells Boise that he’s going to turn it out, he gets a slightly better than lukewarm response. The Cat dances for a bit, going through the standard James Brown move set, even giving us the “I Can’t go on!” and he calls on some audience members (including some apparent prisoners), but decides that the only person that he can turn it out with is Torrie Wilson! Torrie is out, and Cats takes a quick survey; “Who wants to see Torrie Wilson work this body like a sex machine?” This generates the expected raucous response. They hit the Cat’s music, and the Cat shows off some moves, but Torrie is too embarrassed and tries to leave. The Cat pulls her back and shows off a couple more moves, and this loosens Torrie up enough to bust out the Britney Spears hoochie dancing. She produces the lollipop, steals Cat’s hat, and gives him a kiss, transferring the sucker during it. Cat goes nuts in the ring and that’s that.

Up next, the #1 Contender Battle Royal!

In the ring, and we have 11 of the Battle Royal competitors already in. We get the entrances for Rey Mysterio, the Bashams, Rhyno, Scotty Too Hotty and Rikishi, Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones, and The Big Show.

Bell rings, and Johnny the Bull goes out first. Ultimo Dragon follows a minute after, followed by Orlando Jordan and Danny Basham (All by Big Show). Everyone brawls around in the ring, with everyone taking turns trying to wear Big Show down. Finally, everyone gets smart and goes after Big Show. All 14 other competitors piling on Big Show, but he throws them all off. Everyone back on and finally Big Show is out. He’s pissed, so he blasts Orlando Jones outside the ring just to be a sore loser, and we break for commercial…

Back, and Nathan Jones and Bradshaw were eliminated during the break. Everyone still fighting around. Rey and Eddie have a small segment between each other. Rey goes for a head scissors to take Eddie out, but Eddie skins the cat to come back in. Scotty Too Hotty gets eliminated by A-Train, and A-Train gets eliminated by Rhyno shortly after. Shelton standing on Rey’s head in the corner, everyone else dogpiling on Eddie in the other. Shelton goes for a powerbomb, but Rey rana’s Shelton into a setup for a 6-1-9. Everyone doing the standoff thing a group tries to take Rikishi out. John Cena and Doug Basham take the advantage and eliminate 6 people at once. Rey tries to cross body Doug, and gets thrown over into the crowd of wrestlers outside to bring it down to five, and Eddie low bridges a charging Doug to make your final four Benoit, Eddie, Shelton and John. They pair off (Eddie/John and Benoit/Shelton) Shelton gets the better of Benoit and puts everyone down. Shelton concentrating on Benoit again. Eddie hits the hat trick Verticals and tries to toss John, who has tied himself up in the ropes. Shelton grabbing Eddie and hitting Eddie with the powerbomb. Benoit from behind and its time for Hat Trick Germans. Eddie dropkicks Benoit, and then hits the frogsplash on Shelton. Cena with an FU on Eddie, and Benoit follows up with a hat trick German on Cena. Shelton catches Benoit with a superkick and tries to toss him, but Benoit skins the cat and comes back up and catches Shelton in a leg scissors and pulls him out. Eddie charges, and gets back body dropped out and it’s down to Benoit vs. Cena. They duke it out, with Benoit getting the better of the exchange and locking in the crossface. He realizes that that’s not going to get the job done, and picks Cena up and hangs him on the top rope. Benoit with one haymaker, another, and the finishing blow is blocked with Cena picking Benoit up into the FU position. They both teeter for a second and at the same time, they fall off and both hit the floor at the same time. The bell rings and the announcer doesn’t know whom to say. Both ref’s raise both competitors’ arms and Cena and Benoit start arguing. This is interrupted by the timely arrival of Brock Lesnar. As people try to figure it out, we break for commercial.

Back, and Paul Heyman is trying to figure everything out. He asks one ref, He says Benoit, he asks the other, and he says Cena. Paul teases us by saying that for the entertainment of the fans Brock should defend the title against both John and Chris. BUT, that wouldn’t be in the best interest of the WWE, so he makes the match for John Cena and Chris Benoit next week, and the winner gets the shot. John and Chris go nuts at this, and this is the opening Brock needs to sneak attack Cena. Benoit goes after Brock and gets a suplex in before all of Team Lesnar comes in to apply the beatdown. Cena fed to Brock for an F-5, with Chris following suit. Heels stand victorious, and Brock grabs a mic. He counters the crowds, “You tapped out” chant with “I’m the Champ!” He then says that he wants to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, and gives us his best Evil laugh, and we are out of here.

Well, there are two trains of thought that WWE could have gone with tonight’s show:

A)    Hey, nobody’s going to be watching, so let’s give them pudding matches, Tazz acting stupid in the ring, and stagnation of the storylines for a week. It’s not like anyone will care.


B)     Ok, People will probably be tuning out. Lets put on a kick ass show and give them a reason to regret doing so.

I am damn glad that they went for the latter route. The matches tonight were damn good, everyone looked requisitely on, and even A-Train was somewhat watchable against Cena. The Battle Royal, after the filler talent was eliminated, became a PPV caliber match with the talents of Cena, Benoit, Benjamin, and Guererro tearing it up. The finish was choreographed nicely, and set up a match that people will be positively drooling over next week. Definitely an awesome show, and a great continuation on the trend back to Smackdown greatness.

See ya next week!


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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