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One Hell of a Two-Faced Show 
October 29, 2004

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com


The hell?  The Rick on SmackDown!?  Has there been a trade?  A draft?  A Lottery? 
Hell no, people! You should know by now that I shall not be bound to a single brand! I'm not trade bait like Benoit and Angle. I'm not even Triple H. I'm basically Vince freaking McMahon around here! I'll come and go as I please.  Or, to be honest in this case, I'll come as I'm needed. Because Big Danny T is out for a couple weeks, and SD! 

needs to be recapped in his absence.... but the way this show tonight turned out, I sure as hell am not PLEASED to be here.  Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Cuz this was a wildly all-over-the-place SD!.  When it was good, it was great (Rey/Angle, some story stuff with Team Eddie/Team Angle that included the Dudleys and Big Show). But when it was bad, oh man, SD! hasn't sucked this bad since the Great American Bash. Overlong, under-entertaining Tough Enough bits were just the tip of the iceberg; a shitty Undertaker/Heyman skit really "got under my skin," too.  I'd say it "put sand in my vagina," but Jeb Lund tells me the next time I channel Eric Cartman, he's gonna stop talking to me!  But just know: it was THAT bad.

I THINK this job is open again for next week. In my attempts to secure more appearances by OOur Favorite Broad, Erin Anderson, there had been very preliminary discussions of her taking that recap, but for logistical reasons that shan't be unveiled now, I'm hoping she'll do a Regular Column next Friday for us instead, and I THINK I'm getting my wish. I *could* conceivably do this again next Thursday night... but if it's gonna be as painful as tonight's effort was (I swear, there were no less than 30 minutes of shit I WOULD have FF'ed if not for doing this recap for you kids!), I'll hand it over to the first qualified candidate to do in my stead. You know where I'm at, so holla if you want it.

And on that note, you probably should have no desire to actually read about this show! Except that trust me: The Rick can make ANYthing fun.  And honestly, there's some goodness in here, too.  You just gotta hunt for it a bit harder than you have lately:

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we are live from Omaha, NE! Ah SHIT, I mean we are TAPED in Omaha, NE. Christ, one paragraph into my guest gig, and already my RAW Recappening habits are killing me.  Sorry.  TAPED.  SD! is TAPED.  No matter how much I love the weeks when I don't have to read the spoilers.  So we get a look at this raucous crowd, and Cole and Tazz gladly tell us about some of tonight's Planned Action, including: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle in a "resumption of their rivalry" (nice touch remembering that this feud goes back past a Battle Royal two weeks ago), as well as a Halloween Costume Contest between Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson (mercifully, this time they FORGET the past rivalry, since nobody needs to be reminded of the atrocity that was Al Wilson being fucked to death by Dawn; unless you're reminded by me, and I'm being TOTALLY IRONIC when I say I cannot wait until the latest chapter in this thrilling Stepmother vs. Stepdaughter rivalry!). Also tonight, our first look at the new batch of Tough Enough contestants, which is our cue to cut to....

Backstage: Al Snow leads 7 Dudes Nobody Cares About into the building and into the babyface locker room, where they START to unpack their bags. But they are stopped by the Big Show, who calls the Tough Enough Crew a bunch of non-dues-paying interlopers who don't have the respect of anyone in this locker room, so they had best leave.  Show suggests maybe try the ladies' locker room, but then corrects himself saying "Even the women have paid more dues than you."  He kicks them out into the hallway, where Coach Al tells them to just drop their stuff and forget about getting ready: they're going straight to the ring... you know, Al, if you cared, you might have reminded Show, "This is a WWE sanctioned contest we're running, and I'm responsible for these kids."  But he didn't. Odd.

Good God, Why Do They Wait Until *I* Have To Do The SD! Recap To Pull This Shit Theatre

So Al leads 7 lame, generic dudes to the ring to the lame, generic crap rock "theme song" for this edition of Tough Enough. Because of some bit of drama that nobody with even a lick of self-respect should care about, we're short one lame, generic dude, and so thus, eliminations will start NEXT week, not this week.  Oh my, can you feel my pulse racing and my ass inching towards the edge of my seat.  Not only does this week suck, but now, it's also MEANINGLESS!  WHEE, THE DRAMA~! 

But, Al says, that doesn't mean they get off without a Special Challenge this week.  So, in a Diva Search Homage, we get the "30 Second Promo" bit, in which all 7 dudes completely fail to do or say anything even remotely interesting.  I won't recap crap.  They were supposed to be talking shit to the Big Show, but nobody hit even a single decent riff, and the only guy to make me laugh was the guy who failed fifth grade Social Studies and asked how all the fans in "Oklahoma" were doing (and NOT on purpose).

And I won't recap crap, but just as I did in the very opening stages of the Diva Search (when I invented "The Rick's Imaginary Diva" and cut her promo for her), I'll tell you EXACTLY the promo *I* would have cut if it were possible to put my brain into one of those dude's bodies.  Ahem.  It would have gone a little something like this:

"Big Show.  You want to talk about paying dues?  Where were you 10 years ago?  You were a washed up, broken down basketball player working as a bouncer until Eric Bischoff got a look at you.  Six months later, in your first pay-per-view match, you're facing Hulk Hogan for the WCW Title. Way to pay your dues, bitch. Now, this Tough Enough bullshit sucks and doesn't belong on TV, I agree, but Show, *you* are not the one to be lecturing me about how to break into this business. I'd take that shit from Benoit, but not you. You're the wrong guy for this spot; who's writing this crap, anyway? I quit this stupid thing. But somebody: just do the right thing and give me Gewirtz's job, already! I won't be able to help you with this Tough Enough crap, but I can make RAW better, I promise."

OF COURSE I'm joking about those last few lines, but you get the idea: there WERE interesting angles here, and none of these fucking toolboxes took them. And even if they had, I bet WWE would have gotten pissed at them for crossing some imaginary line of "real." And all of a sudden, you see the conundrum: if you want to rip off REALITY TV, then for fuck's sake, MAKE IT REAL.  And make it interesting; no cutting a promo in which you give yourself a nickname until AFTER we might POSSIBLY give a crap about you. And no orchestrated, fakey nonsense.  Again, that's my entire problem with this: it ain't really real, it's manipulated and massaged, and that robs all these stupid shows of whatever iota of intrigue that they might have had.  Tough Enough, you cannot go away Soon Enough.  This strikes me as just a lazy stunt from a company that's having trouble developing CHARACTERS, and so they hope they can use the GIMMICK of Reality TV to trick fans into caring about somebody.  Dumb.

Oh, you want the recap to continue?  OK.... so the 7 dudes finish boring me to death, then Al Snow announces that Big Show would like to hear them say the same things to his face.  And AGAIN, Al Snow appears to be "in" on the set-up of his "protégés"; and *I* officially declare that the ONLY half-way interesting outcome of this stupid ass contest is Al Snow turning heel on every one of them next week, telling them that they don't deserve to be on TV, because he's thrice the wrestler the lot of them combined will ever be, and he's HAPPY they got punked out by Big Show, thus ending the contest 2 merciful months early and earning himself one MEEEEEELION dollars!  C'mon Al, do it for your fellow SW Ohioan! I've snuck out of band camp to PARTY in Lima, OH, dammit! Oh shit, or maybe that was Wapakoneta (birthplace of Neil Armstrong).  I actually forget; it's whichever was closer to Bluffton (site of said Band Camp, but also so tiny it was devoid of places to sneak to). Either way: Al, I'm your homey, do this for me!

Anyway, back NOT in my dream world, Show announces it's initiation time, and he's gonna body slam all of them, if they are man enough to take the bump.  All of 'em take it, some get bonuses (like slaps or elbow drops), but we still end with all 7 guys on their feet making eyes at Show as he departs.  And nobody give a shit.  

An absolutely soul-crushingly pointless opening segment, and a shade over 15 minutes to boot (starting with the backstage stuff).  If you liked it, I don't know what to tell you: we just have different ideas of what makes for good wrestling TV.  I will say this: if you liked it, you'd damned well better have liked the Diva Search, too, because there is ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE between the two contests.  You can't have it both ways, kids...

Video Package: Booker T "steps up" against JBL last week.  I don't recap recaps.


Chavo Guerrero vs. Nunzio

After both men are in the ring and ready to go, Kidman makes a full ring entrance (with music/lights), prodding Cole to call him "an egomaniac" for stealing Chavo's thunder last week with his fake apology, and doing it again now.  Kidman sits in on commentary and disputes that, saying he HONESTLY was sorry for what happened the first time.  When grilled about his sincerity by Cole, Kidman channeled Snitsky, and said, "What happened to Chavo the first time wasn't my fault. But the next time, it'll ALL be my fault."  Some good exchanges between Tazz and Kidman, too, with Tazz showing the sort of nuanced understanding of how to be a quasi-heel commentator without completely making an ass of yourself by actually getting into a few terse exchanges with Kidman, but then ultimately being won over by his point of view.  You had to hear it to appreciate it.  And Jerry Lawler: you need to take notes, my friend, if you'd like to be caught in fewer gaping logic holes and internal inconsistencies when somebody like Trish Stratus steps in to join you.

The match is just basic stuff, with a mini-story happening after the first minute: Nunzio kind of takes a bit of control, allowing them to make a big deal of Chavo's concussion and how he might not be at 100% yet.  Of course, Chavo rallies, and in the rally, we do a Double Clothesline Spot (both guys hit the move simultaneously), and Nunzio flies out of the ring, and Chavo collapses in a corner.  Seeing an opening, Kidman goes to the top turnbuckle near Chavo and tries the Shooting Star Press: but it misses, Chavo moves.  Chavo is briefly distracted by Kidman (who begins a retreat), and Nunzio gets a Pearl Harbor Near Fall in... but Chavo quickly rallies and hits a Gory Bomb for the pinfall win.  Solid 6 minute match, and I liked the commentary and the story told, as well...

Backstage: JBL is interviewed about getting pinned by Booker last week.  But JBL doesn't care... because it was in a tag match. And Did You Know? (tm, ESPN), the last time JBL lost a match was before WrestleMania and it was also a tag match. But in the interim, he's undefeated in singles competition, beating Eddie Guerrero, the Undertaker, and Others, making him the Greatest Singles Wrestler in History (you know, that's SO funny, it actually almost IS funny, instead of just oddly pitiable, if that makes sense!).  So he does not sweat Booker T,  Booker T is not in his league.  Enter Booker T, who can't believe you just said that, dawg.  Booker says he wants JBL again, and he wants it one-on-one, and he'll take the WWE Title.  That's when Orlando Jordan steps in and says Booker's not even in HIS league.  Booker is in the process of ordering a sandwich from JBL's "house boy" when Teddy Long materializes and demands a bit of decorum.  He decrees that he's heard both sides, and later tonight, it's another "Step Up" chance for Booker: he'll face Orlando Jordan one-on-one, and if he wins, he gets a WWE Title Match against JBL at Survivor Series.  Simple, effective.

Elsewhere Backstage: Heidenreich is speaking on a cell phone. We quickly discern through the magic of horribly stilted dialogue (well, MONOlogue) that Paul Heyman is on the other end.  Heidenreich implores Heyman to do whatever it takes to get the Undertaker to sign the contract for a match at Survivor Series.


Self-Congratulatory Fluff: WWE thinks voting is good. EXACTLY as good as they did when they ran this same bit on Monday's RAW. And I sure as hell didn't recap it then, did I?  NEXT~!

Proof That Somebody Upstairs Must REALLY Hate The Rick

On second thought, let's go back and re-watch that stupid tripe about voting three times instead of this bit....  cuz it's one of those horribly Hollywood-y set-ups that you can feel is gonna suck before it actually starts to.  It's Paul Heyman, sitting at a table, with a single spotlight on him, and the entire rest of the room in darkness. NOTHING is visible, and he might as well be talking to no one as he starts in.

"It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my idea, it was all Heidenreich's idea, and I know you're furious with him, but please, despite everything that's gone down between us I know you don't like me much, but don't do anything rash, and I've got this contract for you, and if you sign it, you can have a match and get your revenge on Heidenreich at Survivor Series."  Heyman's part was actually about as good as it could have been; just what seemed like a really terrified, rambling, run-on sentence trying to save his own hide while getting what he wanted for Heidenreich.  The whole look and feel of the thing was still gay-spooky and NOT good-spooky (to bring back that old chestnut), but we've not yet started to truly suck....

And then, a tattooed arm shoots out of the darkness and into the light long enough to grab the contract.  Then it retracts.  We hear scribbling noises. The arm and the signed contract re-appear, and Heyman starts to thank the Undertaker when....

Oh yes, THIS is when we Bring The Suck.  Taker suddenly DIVES into the frame and yanks Heyman in close at the exact same time that same lame-ass background music kicks in.  Goddammit, WWE, how hard is it to NOT do shit so lame that it makes me burst out in laughter at an allegedly Dramatic Moment?  It's really one of the simplest, easiest things I ask for from you!  A backstage skit now has a soundtrack that is cued magically at a key moment?  Dumb.

Taker says he did Heyman no favors, and that contract isn't for a match. It's for an execution.  I guess you could say "Heidenreich is a dead man"? Well, you could, and I just did, but Taker carefully avoided that exact wording.  Taker releases Heyman, who quickly gathers up the papers and leaves.  And then, as if the soundtrack music wasn't gaying it up enough, we finish with a fade-to-darkness with a badly-overdubbed Maniacal Off-Screen Undertaker Laugh.

So OK, plus 10 points for getting us another match signed for the PPV.  Minus about 37 trillion points for doing it in a dumb skit that is everything that pro wrestling has no business being.  You all know my stance on this, and I'll cut myself off now....


Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Team Angle is barred from ringside, so this'll be straight-up one-on-one.  And you know how WWE writers try to "re-invent" the genre with shit like in the previous segment, only displaying that their tripe would suck in ANY genre?  Well here, kids, Kurt and Rey go out there and just cycle through every old trick in the book, and it fricking ROCKS THE HOUSE.  Why?  Because even the tried and true can sizzle in the hands of two pros.  Make a note, WWE, cuz Taker and Heyman can be SO much better than you just made them look.

Rey and Kurt are making each other look outstanding with every imaginable variation on the game of cat-and-mouse we've all seen about a hundred times before.  Rey tries, but can't knock down Kurt.  But then he stomps Kurt's foot and DOES take him down, and Kurt tries, but cannot chase down Rey.  Simple, classic, crowd was into it big time.  And so was I.  After about 4 minutes of this, the cat finally catches the mouse and takes command.  Angle does some pounding on Rey, and then hits a big spot (suplex over the ropes to the floor)... with Rey on the mats outside, Kurt gives us a look that says, "It's about time I put that punk down for the count." Rey's decimated, and frankly, Kurt might need a moment to gather his wits, so how about some....


Back, and it's still Angle, and he's targeted the ribs of Rey Mysterio. You get backbreakers and slams.  You get sporadic hope spots for Rey to break things up... and finally, you get Angle locking on this "reverse bear hug" (Tazz had another name for it, which I forget already, and in general did an outstanding job of explaining the technical details of how the move -- and how Rey's eventual escape -- worked, even though it was no more thrilling, visually, than a chinlock).  Rey DOES manage to escape, and starts to fire up.  But the rally is short-circuited when Angle dodges a (619), and then ducks again on an Asai Burrito (sorry; for you not inside The Rick's brain and able to grasp his periodically-absurd Tito-Santana/Bobby-Heenan-inspired lingo, he means a Flying Forearm, but leaping and twisting off the middle rope after an Irish Whip; clear now? I guess if I wanted to modern it up, I'd call it a LionBurrito, and that might actually be OK, since Jericho's one of only two guys I can think of who uses the Flying Burrito, so it's like 2 Degrees of Tito Santana or something! I have no idea where the fuck I'm going with this, so END PARENTHETICAL NOW!)... and ref Brian Hebner takes the forearm in the face. Uh oh.

Now, it's time for chaos. With no ref to enforce the No Interference Edict, both Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak run in. RVD runs out to try to even things, but he only manages to divert Jindrak; Luther hops in the ring and slams Rey, though.  Finally RVD manages to get Luther's attention, but the damage has been done; Angle follows up with an Angle Slam, and it should be all over.... except out of the crowd, here's Eddie Guerrero!  He punks out Kurt, hits the Frog Splash, and then planchas onto Luther and Jindrak.  Rey crawls over, drapes an arm over Kurt, Hebner decides he's not sleepy anymore, and we get a three count!  Rey Mysterio has pinned Kurt Angle.  Very strong 15 minute TV match, with an exciting and dramatic finish that leads us to SD!'s OWN version of Factional Warfare just in time for Survivor Series.  I'm calling it my Match of the Week, and it's really not even close.

Backstage: Torrie Wilson is getting dressed.  Well, to be honest, she's already dressed, and is just kind of fiddling with the bra straps of her Halloween Costume, which doesn't really SOUND that titillating, but did result in a certain sort of hypnotic jiggle...  and in walks Kenzo Suzuki?  Yep.  Torrie "tries to cover herself" (again, keep in mind she's fully dressed, cuz it makes her bad over-acting even funnier!) as Kenzo stutters his way through English phrases like "You Cutie Pie."  Torrie is acting very freaked out by it all, and Kenzo finally leaves.  I don't know why he was even there in the first place; I mean, if he's got a thing for elaborately costumed women, what about Hiroko?  Yeah, where *is* Hiroko in all this Halloween wackiness?  Torrie and Dawn has been done to death (LITERALLY!), and frankly, I could go for a geisha girl right about now...


Backstage: Teddy Long is just BARELY keeping six men (Angle/Jindrak/Luther and Eddie/Rey/RVD) apart, as he announces that he can feel the tension here, so he's gonna go "old school" and sign an Elimination Match for Survivor Series.  Four on four (huh? that's more MIDDLE School, since Survivor Series switched to the 4-on-4 format in the early 90s, after 3-4 years of five-on-five matches), and Eddie will lead one team, and Kurt the other.  So they both need one more man (and this also clues us in to how things'll work out for RAW's elimination match, too!)...

Announcer Visit: Cole idiotically tries to act like we haven't seen elimination tag matches at Survivor Series in a decade or something (Angle captained a team just LAST YEAR, you douche!), and then they tell us that John Cena is recovering nicely from his punctured kidney, and will be back "in a few weeks." Well, yippee skippy.  I'm serious: I think I'm gonna cheer for Carlito until Cena goes 2 months without mentioning bodily functions in his raps. pOOp jokes ain't cOOl, and the Rick, he'd spit his whiskey on things that aren't cOOl, except that he kinda doesn't want to waste it on tossers.  Speaking of the devil....

Backstage: Josh Mathews wants to interview the aforementioned Carlito Cool about the Nightclub Incident that put Cena on the shelf, but is quickly interrupted by "Jesus" (did Carlito call him his masseuse?  that's not cool! also, I'm 95% sure who this guy is -- a former Conquistador-turned-developmental-worker --  but check tomorrow's OO News Update for the full report once I take care of that pesky last 5%.), who does not like anyone asking Carlito tough questions.  Carlito finally calls Jesus off, and says he'll resume the interview. Not smart enough to be cowed, Josh actually continues and AGAIN asks about the nightclub incident cuz JOSH heard that Carlito was there at the same club...  Carlito says that rumors aren't cool, but admits that yeah, he was there, but he left as soon as John Cena showed up, because he didn't want any trouble.  He says Cena pissed off a lot of people, because he's a thug and thugs aren't cool, but Carlito, himself, saw nothing.  Finally, Carlito realizes that Josh Mathews is not cool (took him long enough), and Jesus holds Josh while Carlito prepares a nice big DOUBLE load of apple to spit in Josh's face.  I have to assume those were dubbed-in boos, because any live crowd with sense would have cheered that moment!


This Still Sucks But At Least The Scenery Is Nice

Michael Cole MCs the Halloween Costume Contest...  Torrie removes her robe and prances around for a bit in her Magical Fairy Costume. Pointless, but easy on the eyes.  Then Dawn removes her robe and promptly commences to NOT prance about in her Nurse Costume!  BOO!!  Because Dawn would like to talk, instead of shake what the lord (and the Good Doctors) gave her.  She says that this is NOT a costume, it's what she wears as she nurses her baby Charlie Haas back to health.  She goes on an extended riff about how she misses her Charlie and boasts about her Bedside Manner and offers up other bland double entendres that are only funny if you're watching Torrie Wilson oversell them like she's actually mortified at the sheer graphicness of them in the background, and finally, Jackie Gayda has heard enough of this family-friendly dirty talk!

The fiancée to Charlie Hass rushes out, rolls around on the mat with Dawn for a bit, and the net result is Dawn is relieved of her nurse's outfit, and stripped down to her TV-PG underthings.  You know, part of me has to TRY to feel happy they're giving Charlie Haas a storyline; another part can't help but equate this to how well Lance Storm's Massive Penis worked out for his career when they decided to make HIM a ladies' man, and wish that Kurt Angle would just commence the storyline in which he beats some sense into Haas, and then once he's rid of Jackie and Rico, Charlie joins the No Nonsense Boys in Team Angle...  but hey, we ALMOST saw a bOObie here, so I guess we aren't allowed to complain too much, right?

Backstage: Big Show locates Eddie Guerrero in the bowels of the building.  Show says he's not here to request, he's here to DEMAND to be the fourth man on Eddie's team at Survivor Series, because he's had plenty of his own issue with Team Angle.  Eddie feints, saying this isn't about your personal issues, ese, this is about coming together as a team!  Eddie says he's considered all the factors and he already knows who his fourth man is gonna be.  And just before Show can blow a gasket, Eddie smiles, and says, "It's you, homes!"... Eddie says he can't think of anyone he'd rather have on his team, and Big Show is happy.  Team Eddie is full-up!


RAW Rebound: I don't recap recaps.

Backstage: Team Angle is talking quietly among themselves... and up walks the Dudley Boyz. Well, up walks The Littlest Dictator Spike Dudley, and Bubba and D-Von are tagging along for the ride. Spike has an offer for the currently-short-handed Team Angle: how's about one of the Mighty Dudley Boyz fill out their squad? Kurt hits an appreciative-but-dismissive tone, saying "Thanks, but did you just see, they got the Big Show for their team? And that's a big problem for us."  Spike still thinks that a Dudley could be the solution... and Kurt, diabolical mastermind that he is, has a brainstorm!  He tells Spike, "OK, let's just say that the Big Show is a Big Problem. But if he so happened to go away, then sure, there'd be a spot on Team Angle for a Dudley!".  Spike likes what he's hearing, and smirks smugly as Team Angle leaves... but Bubba and D-Von are terrified! They don't want any piece of injuring/taking-out the Big Show!  But Spike tells them, "Guys, guys. I'm the Boss, don't worry.  I have a plan."  Bubba and D-Von shrug and accept it, cuz frankly, they're smart and they realize the Duds ain't been this much fun to watch since 1998.  God bless you Little Spike Dudley!  [PS: don't know how the eliminating-Big-Show thing'll play out, but I really do hope they have the balls -- do ya got the BALLS, WWE?!? (tm, the Colbert Report) -- to include Spike in this match, since I think it'd be a cool and easy way to whip something up between him and Rey just in time for our winter/spring stretch run.] 

SD! Rebound: I'm not kidding...  after it wasted 15 minutes of our lives, we get a 5 minute video package about all the Tough Enough crap FROM LESS THAN 90 MINUTES AGO again here.  You know WWE, maybe there's a REASON why MTV didn't want to run this as a stand-alone series, and it's the same reason YOU shouldn't run it twice on your shows...  and no: I don't recap recaps of crap.


Booker T vs. Orlando Jordan (For a Shot at the WWE Title if Booker Wins)

Well, JBL is out with OJ, and stations himself at ringside. From there, he gets a front row seat to watching Orlando get his ass handed to him for vast stretches of time.  OJ gets a few little bursts in, both of them in kind of awkward transition spots (both were just unclean breaks in the corner, which seems sorta weak as a Total Momentum Changer, to me; executed fine, but lay-out wise, just kind of flaccid... I like something a bit more dramatic to explain such shifts).  But it is mostly Booker (and a lot of it is an arm bar, as I recall, not too thrilling).  Finally with Booker in charge, things spill to the outside.  Orlando winds up going face-first into the announce table and is down.  JBL comes over and has some Naughty Ideas, but knows he can't afford to give Booker the cheap DQ win and free pass to Survivor Series... so he backs off.  And while Booker and JBL are death-staring each other and while OJ is down and out, we check our final....


And we're back! Booker is STILL in command, and he's STILL making eyes with JBL.  The look on Booker's face says, "I got yer boy, JBL, and I'm coming for you, and I'm taking yer title."  And he's making it stick by dominating Orlando with basic punches, kicks, and slams in between his death stares.  This stuff is GOOD for the Booker/JBL vibe, but I swear, kids, it was KILLING this match for me AND for the live fans.  Jordan is an afterthought, and he hasn't even lost the match, yet!  

Finally, we do a thing where we go outside again, and this time, when Booker is distracted by his Biological Urge to Share Manly Eye Contact with JBL, Orlando manages to recover.  He sends Booker into the ring steps, and just like that, we've got ourselves a GOOD momentum shift in OJ's favor.  Except he blows it by going back in the ring, maybe hitting a grand total of 2 or 3 other moves, and then settling on...  a chinlock.  I'd call him Orlando Orton, except that that would be a filthification of the good OO initials!  He actually locks the chinlock in twice (with a mild Booker hope spot sandwiched in there), as Booker attempted the "staggered" comeback (you know, comes part way back, down, comes a bit further back, down, finally REALLY makes his power up).

It's telling that they did the double-count-out spot on both of the first two prongs of Booker's staggered comeback, and NEITHER time did the crowd count along with the ref in earnest.  Hell, Nunzio and Shannon Moore to a double knock down spot on Velocity, and the crowd counts along with the count!  But not here.  My theory is twofold: (1) this kinda was a foregone conclusion match, and (2) they tried to stretch the already-foregone-conclusion into 20 minutes, but only bothered to put in about 10 minutes worth of action.  The "New Style" works just dandy when the fans are into both guys and aren't just waiting for an expected finish, but a match-up like this exposes it a bit.  This was a glorified squash, and 20 minutes of it was spirit-sapping.

On Booker's third fire-up, it sticks, and the crowd shows its first signs of life!  Spin kicks, thrust kicks, clotheslines!  Booker is on fire, and the crowd IS behind him, finally.  After a knockdown in a corner, Booker T is distracted by JBL jumping up on the apron. So he knocks him down with a single punch, hits the scissors kick on Orlando, and wins the match.  Just that easy.  Like I said, kind of a weak squash-match finish to a match they ballooned into 20 minutes.  That said, I'm digging Booker as the guy who unseats JBL, and the crowd finally did get up for those last two minutes, and no matter how dramatically up-and-down the 2 hour ride was getting there, SD! ended on a high note, with Booker T celebrating and making it clear he's coming for JBL's WWE Title at Survivor Series.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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