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More Mania Matches and a New US Champ
March 4, 2005

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Woo Hoo! Spring break! Now, if I just didn’t have this 40-hour a week job, I could actually enjoy it.
On Monday, Raw revved up the engines for the Road to Wrestlemania. Now, can Smackdown follow in Raw’s footsteps and take some positive steps toward the big event? Lets find out now!

Last week: J”B”L had a big party; Big Show and Cena crashed that party.

Cold open, and

Smackdown is kicked off in Albany, NY by John Cena. He quickly proclaims that J”B”L’s cabinet is f*beep*ed. J”B”L’s people are all asking why Cena busted J”B”L’s party. Because Cena has HAD ENOUGH! You see, J”B”L was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He’s got the stocks, the money, and the connections. Cena doesn’t have any of that, tho. You see, a few years ago, Cena was sitting in the crowd, just like all you! He remembers buying the merchandise, getting caught up in Hulkamania and slides a poop joke in involving the Doink ice cream bar. He says the people don’t care about stocks, bonds or limos, they want a FIGHT! And they are going to get one. Later tonight, he predicts victory against Orlando Jordan, and at Wrestlemania, he predicts further victory against J”B”L. Play his music, and as he goes and “bonds” with the crowd, we’re off to commercials.

“Viva la Rasa!” Eddie Guererro and Rey Mysterio (W/ 6-1-9 cam) are out to defend the Tag titles against Luther “Buttercup” Reigns and Mark Jindrak. Luther and Mark seem to have put their differences aside for tag title glory.

Eddie and Luther start. Eddie goes for a leg to start, then tries a waistlock. Luther to the ropes, they break. Lockup, Eddie forced to the corner, and Luther with the kicks to the cut. Eddie reverses a whip and gets a big elbow. Tag to Rey who leaps in with an axe handle to the back. Luther gains a quick advantage with a knee to the gut and Rey starts playing face in peril. Luther working Rey on the ropes and using his power stuff. Tag to Mark and he slaps in a surfboard that Rey rights out of and gets a body scissor bulldog, but Mark gets the tag to Luther and he pounds Rey down some more. Rey into the hostile corner, and he gets a leg up for a charging Luther. Elbowing Mark off the apron, another pair of boots up for Luther and Rey leapfrogs over Luther for the tag. Eddie is and he’s a Casa en Fuego! Dropkicks all around and after a tilt-a-whirl head scissors, Mark and Luther are both set up in the corners for the stereo 10-punch countalong. Mark shoves Rey off, tho, and goes for a powerbomb. Rey overbalances Mark, tho and they both spill to the outside. Eddie grabs Luther for the Three Amigos, but Luther kicks Eddies knee out from under him. Luther going for a powerslam, but Eddie wriggles off, and as Luther turns around, Rey is spring boarding over Eddie’s head to hit the West Coast Pop. Eddie finishes the three amigos and as Eddie hits the frogsplash, Mark Jindrak yanks Rey off the apron. Before he can interfere, tho, Rey is back and hitting a 6-1-9 to send Jindrak flying back. Eddie covers, 1-2-3, and the champs retain.

After the match, Luther has problems with Mark. Mark tries to beg off, but Luther keeps in his face. After the second slap, Mark has had enough and levels Luther with a hard left. The crowd goes mild as Mark wears an, “I didn’t want to do that” look.

Back, and after Tazz and Michael Cole show shock and amazement at Kurt Angle’s actions on Raw, we cut backstage where some diva castoffs are showing amazement at the show on Monday. Dawn-Marie comes in, Joy asks for some water, and Dawn snaps. She is fed up with the useless divas taking up space, and is challenging them to do something about it. Michelle McCool steps in and tries to moderate, but simply becomes the object of Dawn’s ire. Dawn put her into a match tonight, and says that she can pick any partner she wants to match her own. Michelle is concerned, but the other two divas are confident she’ll do well.

Elsewhere, Theodore Long has Carlito Caribbean Cool in his office and has a job for him. Seeing as how he has always shown such concern for the welfare of the fans, Teddy has a job for him, and presents him with a snow shovel. Carlito asks what that’s for, and Teddy says he wants Carlito to shovel the snow on the walkways around the arena. Carlito protests, but his words are for naught and Teddy points him out. We go to commercials after a quick shot of Booker T walking backstage.

Back, and Tazz and Cole present a HUGE announcement: at Wrestlemania 21: Stone Cold Steve Austin on Pipers Pit!

Booker T is out to take on “Hei! Den! Heidenreich!” Booker runs in and brings the brawl early. Booker with a lot of beatdown to begin followed by suplexes and chops. Heidenreich doesn’t like this last, as he brawls right back, knocking booker around the ring, sending him out, and beating him down on the outside. Booker rolled back in, and he locks in a rope-assisted crossface. He drags Booker to the corner and wraps his arm around the ringpost. Cover attempt gets 2. Heidenreich wanders around for a few seconds to gather his thoughts, this gives Booker all the opening he needs and he gets a boot to the gut, an axe kick and a spin kick. Heidenreich bails and goes for a chair. He growls the referee off and Booker superkicks the chair right into his face. Booker tries to use the chair himself, but the Ref talks him down. Heidenreich gets a couple shots in, but Booker hits a DDT on the chair. The Ref calls for the bell, and Booker has lost the match due to DQ. Heidenreich tries to attack after the match, but Booker to gets the better of him and hits a final axe kick. Spineroonie to end on a high note, and we’re off to commercials.

Cena and J”B”L reenact “A Few Good Men.” This one was good. It stumbled at the beginning, but J”B”L’s reinterpretation of Jack’s speech actually comes off fairly well.

Kurt Angle is out for this weeks Kurt Angle invitational. He’s feeling good about himself and what he did to Shawn Michaels on Monday. Kurt thought that it was going to be a challenge. Ever since he got here, he’s heard that HBK is the man to beat. But so far, Kurt has taken HBK down not once, but TWICE! He can’t wait for Wrestlemania, but tonight, it’s time for the jobber of the week.

A hooded figure comes out, face obscured. Kurt is a little trepidatious at first, but he resumes the cocky demeanor again. Kurt is calling a punk card, accuses the guy of being Shawn Michaels. Kurt reaches up and yanks down the hood, but it’s not him. Kurt backpedals and asks the guy what his name is. As Scott Wright from RIGHT HERE in Albany, NY introduces himself, the cameraman behind Kurt starts to remove his hat, wig, and fake moustache to reveal Shawn Michaels underneath! He spins Kurt around and he brawls him down. The security people run out to break things up, and in an amazing display of continuity, they DON’T play HBK’s music as we go to commercials.

Moments ago: Man, I remember when HBK used that trick on the Corporation 7 years ago.

Backstage, HBK is being led forcefully from the building, when Theodore Long appears and tells the guards to chill. HBK says no hard feelings and leaves peaceably on his own, as he’s gotten what he came for.

Dawn Marie and Rene Dupree are out to take on Michelle McCool and her Mystery Partner…

“Weeeellllll!” It’s The Big Show! Man, is there not a diva in the back that he doesn’t have a piece of?

Michelle and Dawn start off. Dawn laughs at Michelle, then shoves her down, then slaps her down. She does the “Stand on her hair and pull up her arms” thing. Michelle answers with a boot up, and they proceed to do some of the most god awful “wrestling” that’s occurred in a ring in a while. I mean it looks like Michelle has been learning something, but hasn’t quite learned how to actually do anything with it yet. Dawn gets the better of Michelle and tags Rene in. This is Mixed Tag, so the boys can fight the girls here. Rene does the Gay, Gay dance of French manliness, and as the Big Show is having the concept of Mixed Tag explained to him, Michelle kicks Rene right in the family jewels. Tag to Big Show who taunts Rene with a dance of his own. Rene throws an ineffectual punch or two, eats a chokeslam, and that’s 5 minutes that I’ll never get back.


Outside, and to the amusement of everyone, Carlito is shoveling snow. As he protests his job, an SUV drives by and Carlito gets water splashed in his face.

WWE Hall of fame promo, with the newest member, Hulk Hogan.

John “Bradshaw” Layfield is out and he’s pissed. He can’t understand why people are idolizing Hulk Hogan when they have a perfect hall of Fame candidate right in front of them in J”B”L. He also hates that the common folk cheered on when Cena crashed his party. He runs down Cena again, saying that he’s disgraced the US title, and is a disgrace to the ring he’s in. he says that while Cena was proud to be from the stands, J”B”L is proud that he never had to sit in the stands. You see, J”B”L is a wrestling God, and God’s don’t pay to see people. He goes on a rant about how he and his family have supported the common white trash like the people who inhabit the audience and Cena. He says that he can only employ so many people, so people will have to fend for themselves. J”B”L says that the fans are too stupid to cheer for him, and they have to start showing him some respect RIGHT NOW or he’ll leave. This draws a big round of boo’s and J”B”L tells Albany that they’ve lost him, and to remember this day.

As Tazz and Cole are aghast at J”B”L’s words, J”B”L is power walking back to his limo. He’s met by Orlando Jordan and the Bashams and he rants about how he deserves more respect than this. The Bashams get in the limo and Orlando looks to follow, but J”B”L tells him no, that he’s to take the US title from John Cena tonight. And if he loses, then he’s out of the cabinet and gets send back to “His people” back in the hood. Orlando is giving us “WTF?” as we go to commercials.

Back, and backstage, Rey is changing out when Chavo Guererro steps in asking about Eddie. Rey says he’s in the shower and Chavo looks to step out. Rey wonders what’s up, and Chavo says that Eddie is only having Rey as a partner because he hates to lose, and he keeps his friends close, but his enemies even closer. Rey is incredulous, wondering why Eddie would consider him an enemy, but Chavo just shakes his head and leaves him with the words of wisdom: Never trust a Guererro.

Elsewhere, Big Show is yukking it up with Joy about his match earlier when Funaki runs in. You see, the rumor all over Japan is that when Big Show and Akebono went face to face a few weeks ago, it launched rumor left and right. Big Show simply states that any time, any place, it would be an honor to face Akebono. Funaki rushes off excitedly, and Big Show returns to the step-by-step description of the match for Joy. We go to commercials.

This weeks Wrestlemania Recall: Jake the Snake is accompanied to the ring by Alice Cooper. Axl Rose wishes he kicked as much ass as AC did!

Back, and John Cena is out to defend his US title against Orlando Jordan. As the ref holds the title up, John gives it a last little spin.

Bell rings, lockup, and Cena goes for a quick rollup for 2. Facing off, and Orlando gets a knee in and a headlock takedown. Cena powers out, frustrating Jordan. Cena gets a couple clotheslines and a suplex, followed by a side slam. This is what we do, you can’t see me, 5-knuckle shuffle, and Orlando rolls out. He is frustrated and kicking the ring steps as we go to commercials.

Back, and Cena is controlling with a rear choke. Jordan up and elbowing his way out, going off the ropes but Cena ducks a cross body attempt. Cena with a body slam, a little dancing, and cover gets 2. Cena with right hands in the corner, then locking in the rear choke again. Jordan fighting up and forcing Cena to the corner. Cena with “Iblockyourpunchbutyoudontblockmine” But Jordan comes back with the Greco Roman eye poke.  Jordan up top, but Cena gets a fist to the gut as he’s coming down. Orlando on the ropes, and Cena up for the 10-punch countalong. Orlando grabs him and hits the powerbomb. Orlando takes over with a series of near falls and punching Cena down. Orlando with the surfboard, but Cena is powering up. Cena elbows his way out, but Orlando puts him down again with a sweet looking dropkick. Cover only gets 2. Rear choke applied to Cena, and he powers up from it, turning the tide with a belly to back suplex. Cena tries to capitalize, but runs right into a powerslam and nearly loses the match off Jordan’s surprise pin. Both men up, and they knock each other down again. Cena up first, and he takes Jordan down with a series of clotheslines, he pumps up the Nikes, and hits the F-U. Before Cena can follow up, tho, the Bashams are back and keeping Cena occupied. Danny distracts the ref and while his back is turned, J”B”L runs in and levels Cena with the WWE title. Orlando covers, the ref counts, 1-2-3, and we have a NEW United States Champion! Orlando collects his title and J”B”L and his cabinet celebrate on the ramp as Cena comes to and realizes what’s happened. Tazz and Cole can’t believe what just happened, we fade out, WWE logo, and we’re outta here!

Well, tonight was a nice positive step in the right direction for Smackdown. They are setting feuds up in the right way, and teasing us with the right stuff. Unfortunately, they should have been at this point 3 weeks ago. Funaki should have been geeking to Big Show about the possibility of the Akebono showdown the week after they got back from Japan. Orlando should have taken the title from Cena the week after No Way Out, so as to give them time to build up a potential feud. I echo Rick’s sentiment that Angle and HBK should have ramped up a while ago. And with the abbreviated nature of the buildup for Undertaker/Orton, they need to be advancing it every show, instead of once a week. So kudos for giving us a show where we could get interested in Wrestlemania, but shame on you for waiting so long to do it.

See ya next week!



SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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