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The Champ is Here... but We're More
Interested in the Challengers!
April 8, 2005

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Nothing special to kick us off this week folks. Lets just get on with the wrasslin, shall we?
WWE leader, we get a cold opening and the former champion John Bradshaw Layfield is out and looking lost and perplexed by the absence of the title around his waist. I share the sentiment. Oh goody, he has a mic, lets listen.

Over the past year, hes shown that hes the greatest champion in history. Hes allowed the 

people to bask in his glory, and the people repay him by cheering for a white trash piece of crap like Cena. He points out that Cena left the ring in handcuffs and its that person that is your champion now and hes disgusted that people would cheer a person such as that. He says that hes of a mind to go back to New York and simply live the life hes made for himself, but hes not going to do that. He wants his rematch, and he will take the title back, because you people NEED him as champion

Viva la Rasa! Eddie Guererro is out and looking rather bouncy in his Lowrider. He says, Hold up, ESE! and lays claim to his shot at the championship.

Can you dig it, SUCKA!? here comes Booker T, and after pausing for an Eddie! chant, he says that these two sucka's can step to the back, because if anyones going after the title, its the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time.

Weeeellllll!!! The Big Show is out. JBL says he doesnt care who they chant for, and Big Show says hed better shut up before he gets that hat stuffed someplace hell never find it again, and the only person to challenge John Cena will be the 7 foot tall, 500 pound.

Whoa, its the Flying Elviss! Oh wait, no, its Rey Mysterio. He asks Big Show for a mic, and says that since were in the 6-1-9, and since Eddie challenged, well I guess Reys challenging too!

You suck! Kurt Angle is out, and he wastes no time in pointing out that Show, Eddie, and JBL all lost at Wrestlemania, Booker wasnt even on it, and Rey needs to be an adult before he challenges. Kurt, on the other hand, was arrested right after Wrestlemania. Why? Because he stole the show, BABY! JBL tells all these scrubs to get out of his ring

And here comes Theodore Long! First he tells JBL that this isnt his ring, and then he informs him that because JBL was so confident in his abilities, that he overlooked the fact that there was NO REMATCH CLAUSE in the contract, so JBL is going to have to earn his title shot. Teddy then looks around and sees that hes faces with 6 contenders for Cenas title, so hes going to have to set up a series of matches to determine the #1 contender, and the first one will be tonight. He Picks JBL as the first participant, and then gives the challenge slot to San Diegos own, Rey Mysterio Jr.!  Crowd goes wild, JBL and Rey go nose to nose, and we are off to commercials.

Back, and The Backflippin Barbarian Paul London is out to defend his cruiserweight title against Billy Kidman. Chavo Guererro has joined Tazz and Michael Cole at the commentary table and is pulling the Nobody pinned me, so I never lost the title! card.

Billy comes out with the clubbing blows to start. Paul gets a hiptoss and tries to fly around a bit, but Billy dodges and Paul eats turnbuckle. Billy with the brawling, working Paul on the ropes, then kicking him around on the mat. Cover, only gets 2. Paul whipped into the corner and Billy applying some boots. Paul comes back with some chops to the midsection, but Billy kicks him in the face to put him down again. More using the ropes to work him over, and Paul tries to come back again, but Billy grabs him and sends him through the turnbuckle and Paul starts bleeding hardway. Billy gets Paul, brings him back in and sets him up on the top rope. Paul leapfrogs over and hits a kick to Billys back as he goes over. Paul really bleeding hard now, as they brawl all over the ring. Charles Robinson separates them as Paul starts looking more erratic and woozy. Charles asks Paul if he wants to stop the match, Paul says no and goes after Billy again, who knocks him down again. Billy hits the BK Bomb, drags Paul to the corner and looks to go up for the shooting star, but Paul gets up and drags Billy off the turnbuckle. Paul himself going up and misses the 450 splash. Billy grabs Paul up for a DVD, but Paul reverses into a small package and gets the pin to retain.

After the match, Chavo is up and telling Paul to come out, and as they jaw jack, Billy attacks from behind and they both double team Paul and leave him beat down. Billy and the ring are covered in Pauls blood, and Chavo backs off, only to end the beatdown with a football kick. Chavo panders to the crowd, and we go to commercials.

Back, and its time for the Wrestlemania 21 Rewind. God damn did that Angle/HBK match kick ass!

Backstage, Luther Buttercup Reigns has the Velocity Heel Jobber crews attention as he talks trash about Big Show and makes fun at Big Shows loss to Akebono, punctuating it by pulling his tights up into his ass to imitate Big Show in his fundoshi wrap around. As he turns back around, the assembled gang has gotten dead serious, and as a surprise to no one, theres Big Show. He fakes some joviality, and then tells Luther that since he has so much energy, then how about joining him in the ring, NEXT! Luther says, youre on! and Big Show says that before he comes out to the ring, he might want to pull his shorts out of his mouth. The Velocity crew laugh, Luther tells them to shut up.

Elsewhere, Torrie Wilson is getting ready for some special something or other later tonight. But first, COMMERCIALS!

Weeeellllll! Back, and The Big Show is out to take on Luther Reigns. To punctuate the hostilities between the two of them, we get the scene of Big Show pushing over the Jeep that Luther couldnt last week. Luther comes in hard, getting some offense, but Big Show uses some sumo push hands to keep him off. Luther comes back with a couple clotheslines that actually put Big Show down. Thats the last of Luthers offense, tho, and Big Show pounds him down, hits the chokeslam, and thats that. Play his music, and were off to commercials.

Back, and here comes John Cena holding the title high. Well, at least he hasnt blinged this one out. He lets the chants die out, then give us a subdued, The Champ is here! He lists JBLs accomplishments (Winning a triple threat match, beating Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage, being the longest running WWE Champion in 10 years.) and says again, the champ is here. He says that he doesnt dress like a champion, that the old guard and JBL say that he doesnt have respect for the business, or its championships. He says that when he won the title, that all the naysaysers have gotten their panties in a bunch. Well, to that, he gives us at home a nice close-up of the title, and tells us to take a good, last look at our precious title, because if what he did to the US Title was disrespectful, then Youd better bar the doors to the country club, because what he does to the WWE Title will blow the roof off. He jumps out of the ring, gets into the crowd, and says that this is what we do, and that this is the REAL chain gang! He rant lists off a bunch of WWF jobbers from the past (Steve Lombardi, Iron Mike Sharpe, a few others) for whatever reason, they play his music, He celebrates with the crowd and were off to commercials again.

Back, and Cena celebrated with the crowd through the commercial break.

Kurt Angle is out (W/ Security) and he tells Cena to savor his title run, because as soon as he mows through Eddie Guererro next week, that hes going to make Cena tap faster than you can say, Fluke Champion.

Kurts opponent is out, and after introducing himself in Spanish, Kurt tells him that he needs to speak English. He asks the kid if any of his family is here, and he says Theyre right over th Kurt levels him with a clothesline. Bell rings, and Kurt beats him down, hits a German suplex, Angle Slam, then locks in the Ankle lock to which the kid taps quick. Kurt grabs the mic, and tells Eddie to listen up, because heres the Spanish translation of pain and suffering, he lays the mic next to the kids head, and puts the ankle lock on again, making him scream right into it. After a bit of this, he grabs the kid, throws him out, and promises that that will be Eddie fate next week.

Backstage, Miss Jackie is getting ready for the Bikini contest later. Weve got commercials now.

Back, and theres a new mic stand by the name of Steve Romero. He has Carlito cornered and says that he was surprised to see Carlito on Pipers pit at Wrestlemania. Carlito says, Why should it have been a surprise. I mean youve got a guy in a skirt, a bald guy wearing daisy dukes, thats not cool! He runs down the reasons why he himself is cool, Announces that next week, hell be premiering his own version of Pipers Pit called Carlitos Cabana, and asks Steve if he thinks hes cool, Steve says sure, he thinks he is. Carlito takes a bite of the apple hes holding and is about to show Steve what he thinks of how cool he is. Steve quickly recants and says that he isnt cool. Carlito fakes him out, and then says, Thats what I thought.

Elsewhere, Rey is getting ready for his match, Eddie comes in and is excited for him, but says that JBL is plenty pissed at losing his title, so Eddie has Reys back. Rey points out that having each others back last week didnt work out so hot, and that he needs to do this on his own. Eddie tries to insist that he be in Reys corner, but Rey tells Eddie to stay in the back, hes got this. Rey walks off, and Eddie looks dejected.

After commercials, Michael Cole is in the ring and after showing us a few images from the upcoming Divas DVD and Magazine, he says that were going to have a quick sneak preview with the Viva Las Divas Bikini Contest tonight.

First out is Miss Jackie, who wastes no time taking her over robe off and showing off hers. Next out is Dawn Marie in a coat and hat. She takes off the coat to reveal a Pinstriped little number accented by a pearl necklace and garter. Torrie Wilson is out and as she reveals her bikini, I suddenly have the urge to play connect the dots with my tongue. Michael tells the girls to line up, but they are interrupted by the New Divas! Joy speaks for the group, and reveals a sierra inspired two piece, Lauren Jones gives us an ensemble that says leopards and mirrors, and Michelle McCool has a black and white thing and shows it off with a back flip. Michael lines the girls off, reads off their names, and of course, Torrie gets the biggest pop. Michael announces Torrie the winner, and all the other Divas congratulate her except Dawn Marie, who looks pissed. But before we can even try to have a plotline break out, we are sent to commercials.

Back, and its time for John Bradshaw Layfield (W/ Orlando Jordan, who has been raiding the Killer Bees wardrobe) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Match starts, and after a 6-1-9 chant, Rey plays keep away from Bradshaw. JBL tries to catch him, but Rey keeps moving away. Rey bails, then does the, Im smarter than you! point to the head and JBL chases. Rey leads him around the ring, gets in, and as JBL tries to follow, hits a dropkick. This just pisses JBL off and he gets in the ring and clubbers Rey down. Rey gets a quick flurry of offense, hitting a springboard legdrop before JBL hits a big boot. JBL going for the powerbomb, but Rey fights out and drags JBL out of the ring with a head scissors. Rey gets in the ring and dropkicks Orlando off the apron and runs around as we go to commercials.

Back, and Rey is the monkey on JBLs back with a sleeper hold. JBL is able to drag Rey off his back and its time for more brawling. JBL methodically working Rey over, using his power to keep Rey down. After a suplex, he covers, but only gets two. Rey fighting his way back up, but JBL gets the Greco-Roman eyepoke to stop that. JBL punching Rey down in the corner, then setting Rey up on the top turnbuckle, After a couple slaps, he picks Rey up and hits a 2nd rope fallaway slam! Ouch! Cover only nets 2, tho. JBL whipping Rey across the ring and hitting a big boot. Cover gets two again, and Rey bails to try and get a breather. JBL follows him out and beats him down some more. As he gets back in the ring, Orlando gets a cheap shot as the ref admonishes JBL to keep it in the ring. JBL picks Rey up and applies the bearhug. Rey retaliates by biting JBL on the forehead, but JBL has a clothesline to put Rey down again. JBL with a spinebuster, cover, and that STILL only gets 2. Rey up and trying to kick JBLs legs out, but JBL simply throws him into the corner and punches him down. JBL putting Rey up on the top turnbuckle and going for a super belly to back, but Rey hangs on, and elbows JBL off the ropes. Rey hits a moonsault and get 2 on the cover. Rey fighting back up, getting a head scissors, and after getting caught by JBL, he converts the fallaway slam into a DDT. Drop toehold sends JBL into the ropes but as Rey tries to follow up, Orlando trips him up. This brings Eddie out and he lays Orlando out. Rey gets another drop toehold, Putting JBL into the ropes. Rey hits the 6-1-9, follows up by dropping the dime, and covers. It looks like Rey is going to advance

Until Eddie interferes in the match and draws the DQ by shoving Rey off JBL at the 2-count and starting to pound down on JBL. The Ref calls for the bell, and your winner via disqualification is John Bradshaw Layfield. Rey is PISSED and Eddie is trying to beg off, saying he let his emotions get to him. This is interrupted by The Bashams hitting the ring and, along with Orlando Jordan, providing a beatdown. Things arent going well for our heroes until John Cena runs out, and its F-Us all around. Cena standing tall in the ring after eliminating everyone, fade out, and we are outta here.

Well, that was a good follow-up to Wrestlemania, I guess. I just think that its kind of lazy for the creative team to run out the New Smackdown Six and set up ANOTHER tournament for the title. Looks like they are at least trying to do something compelling with the Cruiserweight title, but I hate that Luther is still just an oversized jobber. The Diva Nonsense was a nice palette cleanser, especially when you present Michelle McCool doing backflips in a bikini. Oh, and I think most of you are with me in the collective shudder that I am having at the thought of what Cena is going to do to the world title, because if he does bling it all out, you know that means two things: 1) extended title reign, and 2) Vince officially doesnt care about us, the viewer, anymore. Right now, Smackdown has a few bright spots on the horizon (Carlito, Paul London, Luther), but at this rate, its going to be a long time before they get the spotlight.

See ya next week!



SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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