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Good to ALMOST the Last Drop
May 27, 2005

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Another Week, another recap. As for next week, I’ll not be here for it, as I’ll be in Dallas Texas for Project A-Kon and partying it up. I’m sure that The Rick will have a suitable replacement to make up for the awesomeness that is me.
No leader, and Cena and Bradshaw made each other a BLOODY FUCKING MESS at Judgement day.

Opening, and Smackdown has PYRO and it live from Milwaukee. And first out of the chute?

“I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool!” Carlito Caribbean Cool (W/ Matt Morgan) is out for 

Carlito’s Cabana. He welcomes us to the show, and says that Judgement Day was cool! His guest tonight earned all our respect at Judgement day in a brutal match that stole the show. That’s right, folks, Carlito’s guest tonight is… Carlito! And the first question for Carlito is how does he feel about his win at Judgement day? He is impressed, and admits that he couldn’t have done it without Matt’s help. Matt tries to speak, but Carlito cuts him off and says his actions speak louder than words, and sends us to a replay of Matt hitting the F-5 on Big Show. Carlito says that they are a great team, and that they could beat Big show on Judgement Day, Mothers Day, Groundhog day, or any day!

This brings Theodore Long out. Carlito is indignant that Teddy would interrupt him, and Teddy isn’t playing. After making a few cracks at Matt’s stuttering, Teddy announces that with the draft lottery coming up, The Smackdown roster is going to change, so while we still have the same lineup, we’re going to get together and tonight, have a “Winners Choice Battle Royal.” Basically, the winner can face anyone he wants, as long as they are on Smackdown. Carlito volunteers himself for the BR, and says that when he wins, he wants John Cena. Seeing as how he’s already taken one title from him… Teddy stops him and says that he’s glad that Carlito wants to take part, but he’s got another match lined up for him as well. You see, since Carlito said he could beat this person on any day (Carlito starts going appropriately berserk at this point), He’s facing Big Show TONIGHT! Teddy says to holla, and takes his leave. Carlito is shitting bricks, but Matt says he has his back, and Carlito gives him a manly hug in thanks as we go to commercials.

Back, and Backstage, Rey is getting his gear on. Josh sneaks up on him and asks him what his feelings are after getting laid out with a chair at JD. Rey doesn’t mince words when he says that tonight, during the Battle Royal, he’s going STRAIGHT for Eddie!

MNM are out and apparently, it’s the night of the rematches, as they will be defending the titles against Charlie Haas and Hardcore Holly.

Mercury and Hardcore start, but Nitro gets a cheap shot from behind to start. Mercury tries to waffle stomp, but Holly powers up and gets a suplex for a 2 count. Mercury up, and he gets Holly into the corner and smacks Holly for a rifle shot of a knife-edge chop. Hardcore reverses a whip and gets a few shots of his own. They brawl for a bit and Haas gets tagged in. He starts with a jump down hangman for Mercury’s arm, then gets in and stiff arms him up and drops him on his elbow. Haas goes for the keyhole armbar, but gets powered into the corner where Nitro makes the tag. Nitro gets the upper hand and goes up for the missile dropkick, but Haas answers with a dropkick of his own and as he’s going off the ropes, Mercury trips him up and we go to commercials.

Back, and Haas is getting a brief flurry, but Nitro blind tags his way in and stops that. A couple stomps, and locking in the rear choke. Haas fighting up and gets a short arm clothesline. Charlie off the ropes but catches a knee to the back to put him in BIP mode again. Mercury in, northern lights suplex for two. Tag to Nitro and he kicks away at the ribs and locks in a crossface. Haas fights up, gets an armdrag, and tries to tag, but Nitro powers him back into the corner and tags in Mercury. After a double team and a slap in the face by Milena, Hardcore can’t stand it anymore and charges in. he chases Milena around, get cut off, chases someone else around, and for 20 seconds, the ring becomes a keystone Kops routine with Hardcore chasing everyone around and MNM getting the occasional cheap shot on Charlie when they can. Hardcore finally is able to keep everyone off Haas, but the ref is about to count him out. Hardcore takes his position in his corner and after a little more beatdown, Charlie is able to get the tag. Dropkicks all around and Nitro is set up for the Alabama Slam. Holly goes to cover, but Mercury is in with a blatant chair shot. Ref sees it, calls for the bell. MNM bail out and take their leave, but Charlie is ANGRY, so he grabs the chair, chases them off, and then turns his eye on Milena. As he stalks her, Nitro comes down for the distraction and they run off as the announcement is made that Haas and Holly won through DQ. Tazz and Cole remind us that MNM still have the titles as we go to commercials.

Back, and Steve Romero has cornered Booker T and Sharmell. Before they can start talking, we get a quick shot of Sharmell giving Kurt the nutshot at Judgement day. Back, and Booker is proud of Sharmell, Sharmell is proud of Booker, and Booker is stoked for the Battle Royal tonight.

Quick hype for WWE.com, and here comes John Cena. He soaks up the chants for a bit, then, with all humility, “Thank you.” He holds up his chain, and says that for “everyone who knows what this is about, for everyone that never gave up on this, THIS is for you.” He talks about the naysayers that said that he’s a one hit wonder, that he’s a bad champ, and that he’d never live up to the hype. But two words changed all that; two words that he DID NOT speak at Judgement day. And that is why the Champ is here! He admits the J”B”L was right about a couple things: that he would go through the toughest match of his life, and that he’d be taken to the limit. But he was WRONG about taking Cena’s soul. He goes off about how J”B”L quit, but doesn’t want anyone to leave empty handed, so he’s got something for him…

Never one to miss a party, here comes John “Bradshaw” Layfield. J”B”L sells the match all the way down the ramp, limping and taking the ringsteps one at a time. He takes the mic, and when the audience quiets down, he states that he doesn’t make excuses. That’s why he’s rich, is the longest reigning champ in the last 10 years, and that’s why he has never failed, not until Judgement Day. He admits that John was the better man, and gives him his props. Word of warning, though: People like John don’t last forever. John’s burning the candle at both ends, and like James Dean, Kurt Cobain, and Mike Tyson, he’ll burn out and fall. J”B”L gives him a year and a half at most and Cena will be a shell of himself. And J”B”L will be right there to pick up the pieces. He says that he’ll be reigning as champion long after Cena is being wheeled around in a chair as a vegetable. Cena grabs his mic and says that he’ll proudly burn out in a blaze of glory. He says that he had a special tribute video for him, but he doesn’t feel like playing it now. J”B”L backpedals and says he’s sorry about talking down to John, and wants to see the video. Cena waffles for a few seconds, and then finally tells the monkeys in the back to roll the video. Video starts kosher, but after a few seconds, jumps to a looped shot of J”B”L saying “I Quit!” J”B”L goes appropriately ballistic and Cena takes his leave.  After hype for Carlito vs. Big Show next, we are off to commercials.

“I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool!” Carlito Caribbean Cool (W/ Matt Morgan) is out for his match against The Big Show. Big Show is out fast and goes right after Carlito. Big Show beating Carlito down until Matt tries to trip Big Show up. Charles Robinson sees this and ejects Matt. Matt argues and Carlito tries to play peace maker, but Charles is adamant about Matt leaving, so Carlito is all, “All right Matt, let’s go.” Charles has other plans, tho, and drags Carlito back to the ring. Big show picks up where he left off, but Carlito gets a rake of the eyes and a few right hands to put Big Show off balance. Carlito up top and he hits a missile dropkick to knock Big Show down. Carlito with a boot to the head (Yaa! Yaa!) and he gets cocky. Another boot is answered with a chokeslam and that’s it for Carlito. Big Show doesn’t even have time to celebrate before Matt is back in with a kick to the back, sending him out of the ring. A couple chair shots later and Matt F-5’s Big Show through the announce table. Carlito approves, and we go to commercial.

On Raw, some cool ECW stuff happened.

Back, and Kurt is watching the Raw Recap and scoffing. He doesn’t say anything and walks off as we get ready for the Winners Choice Battle Royal.

Back, and Kurt Angle is out for this week’s version of the Kurt Angle Invitational. He has to speak first, and says that this has been an embarrassing week. Not only has he lost to an inferior man, but also he was embarrassed by his gutter skank of a wife. He is also perturbed by the fact that Vince has decided to throw money down the toilet and bring back ECW. He says that he was at an ECW show once a while back, and it was disgusting! So Kurt is going to buy up a bunch of tickets, show up, and teach ECW a lesson. He turns his attention to Tazz, and says that he’s going to bounce his ECW buddies around like Heyman bounces checks. Tazz doesn’t like this, removes the shades, and the headset, and gives Kurt the STARE. Kurt blows this off, and turns his attention to the young man in the ring. He asks him is name, but he only gets “Robert” out before Kurt beats him down. About a minute of Kurt punishing him and he finally ends it with the ankle lock.

Kurt up and grabbing the mic and saying that now that he’s warmed up, lets get this Battle royal started!

“Hei! Den! Heidenreich!” is out first, followed by Carlito and Matt Morgan, and we’re off to commercials.

Back, and after Booker T makes his entrance, here comes Rey Mysterio, but Eddie is right there with the steel chair to take Rey out. Rey is carried off before he can even get in the ring. The wrestlers in the ring warily eye Eddie as he gets in the ring. Eddie in, Bell rings, and it’s on!

A gang dogpiles on Carlito and everyone starts brawling. First out is Paul London, followed by Funaki and then Joey Mercury. Akio is next as matt Morgan prevents Carlito from getting eliminated by Nunzio. Mark Jindrak goes flying out and I guess 5 is a nice even number to take a commercial break at.

Back, and Eddie has bailed and is watching the action from ringside. During the break, Johnny Nitro got eliminated. Hardcore Holly eliminates Kidman, and Heidenreich goes out shortly after. Carlito is still being helped from the outside by Matt. Chavo eliminated by Scotty Too Hotty. Haas eliminated by his old mentor, Kurt Angle and it looked like he pulled a groin. On the other side of the ring, Shannon Moore and Nunzio are trying to eliminate Carlito, but Matt reaches up and pulls the two of them out. It’s all for naught, as Booker eliminates Carlito right after. Eddie takes this moment enter and eliminates Scotty. Everyone brawling but here comes Rey! As promised, he goes right after Eddie and while beating him down, eliminates him and continues the assault outside the ring. Rey is so En Fuego that both Fit Finlay AND the Red Rooster need to pull him off. As they drag him back to the ring and try convincing him of the concept that Rey is still in the Royal, we go to commercials.

Back, and Rey is fighting the Bashams off, but Orlando joins in and Danny goes over to help Kurt beat Booker T down. As Doug goes to help the beating of Booker, Orlando tries to eliminate Rey, but nearly gets eliminated himself when Rey grabs a head scissors and nearly pulls him out. Across the ring, Booker comes back with clothesline for everyone. Babyface flurry doesn’t last for long as The Cabinet’s numbers start overcoming Booker. Booker caught on the ropes, but he jumps up and clotheslines Danny out. Orlando rushes, Booker hiptosses him out, and Doug follows suit. Booker has an instant to celebrate before Kurt jumps him and eliminates him as well.

We are now down to Kurt and Rey. Kurt starts in with the beatdown, Rey getting the occasional comeback. Kurt and Rey do an extended ringrope sequence, with both men teasing elimination multiple times. Endgame comes when Kurt, after having beaten Rey down sets up for the Angle Slam. When Rey takes a little longer than expected to get up, Kurt charges in and gets drop toe hold’d into the ropes. Rey follows up with the 6-1-9! Rey then outside and looking to Drop the Dime, but Kurt is up and levels Rey with a hard right hand. Rey tries to fight back up, but one angle slam over the top rope later, Kurt Angle is your winner!

Kurt grabs the mic and says that since it’s his choice, it’s time to choose. He is making his choice because there’s something he doesn’t have, but wants real bad. “John Cena! Tonight is your lucky night, because next week, I’m giving you the night off. That’s right Booker T, next week, it’s going to be Kurt Angle Versus Booker T’s Wife!” Kurt licks his lips, and we are outta here.

Cool show. Carlito was good as always. The MNM/HNH match was very serviceable, Cena wasn’t quite as annoying tonight, Tazz was great with his smoldering in the face of Kurt’s indignity, and the Battle Royal was damn good. So yeah, great show…

Up to the last line. Kurt completely took the wind out of my sails with his proclamation that he wants a match with Sharmell. Now we have a show in store next week predicated on The Suck instead of anything remotely compelling. Well, good thing I’ll be in Texas, then.

See ya in two weeks!



SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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