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WWE SMACKDOWN! RECAP
W-KRAP in Cincinnati
November 30, 2005

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

true story: I'm so unused to recapping WWE TV on my TV, I taped this on my computer. Adjustment is quick and painful. (And Amazing Race sucks this season.) 
 
So I didn't know if anyone was recapping this, but in a charitable mood after finding out I was not busted down to "PPV preview only" duty, I thought I might as well write something down before Rick changes his mind back. I also don't know why they're doing this, but perhaps we'll find out together, on this very special edition of

"contractual obligations theatre."

as seen on thecubsfan.com (a site, by me): 

WWE Super Tuesday - 11/12/02
Eddie Guerrero b Chris Benoit and Edge [3]
Torrie NC Trish [bikini]
Triple H, Jamal, Rosey, Chris Jericho and Christian b Booker T, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Bubba Ray Dudley, Rob Van Dam

Still never found out why Nidia interfered in that match. Maybe next lifetime. Even though he wouldn't have made it here without being in the WWE stint, Jamal's had the better career in AJPW by now, right? And if you're traveling to the future from 1995, I'm sorry you had to read that.

These are the Next Top Models? I'm not convinced.  I'm very disappointed Tyra Banks isn't crazy the one minute I'm seeing here - I thought she was that 24/7 now? Vanish!

Wait, so, this replaces Veronica Mars? Maybe she can solve this mystery next season.

TV PG DLV - I've been lost with TV rating logos. Fireworks too. Cole welcomes us to the SmackDown! Special. "And to night, we bring you TV that's changing TUESDAY nights!" The dudes with the CM Punk sign are going home disappointed, I bet.

Tale of the Tape
Rey Mysterio   Big Show
5' 6" Height 7"
170 lbs Weight 500 lb
San Diego, CA Home Tampa, FL
619
West Coast Pop
Finishing
Move
Chokeslam
3 Time WWE Tag Team Champion
3 Time WWE Cruiserweight Champion
WCW Tag Team Champion
Career Highlights WWE Champion
2 Time WWE Tag Team Champion
US Champion

That's a first - Big Show has a hometown. I was always worried he was living under a bridge. Cole tells us Rey's dedicating this match to Eddie Guerrero, who's name they haven't been referencing much since that week of tapings.

We are graced by presence of Sharmell. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce MY MAN, and soon to be your NEXT UNITED STATES CHAMPION...BOOKER T!"

Booker T (Houston, TX, 256 pounds, w/Sharmell) vs Chris Benoit (Atlanta, GA, 234 pounds) in Match 2 of a Best of 7 Series (Booker leads, 1-0) - Back to last Friday, with the tie match. Tazz still thinks Booker won, and they probably shouldn't show that camera angle where you can see he might have. Your ref is Nick. Benoit bum rushes Booker while he's still waiting for Benoit's music to stop playing, and we're off. Knees to the midsection, whip, shoulderblock. Benoit with more knees to the midsection. Booker wants out, but Benoit pulls him back in. Snap suplex. Whip, hiptoss blocked, Booker tires a short clothesline, Benoit ducks and German Suplexes him. No hold, Booker goes flying, and then crawling out. Benoit out after him, Booker in, Benoit in, Booker forearms him in the back. Chops - no, Benoit fighting back with chops of his own, knocking Booker down. Back suplex. One two no. Booker with a perfectly aimed thumb tot he eye. Sharmell approves. Benoit clears his eyes, backs off, and still manages to catch Booker with a chop. Another hard chop. Another. Another! Down goes Book. Benoit pulls him up, scoops him, and slams. Benoit looks at Sharmell, and Sharmell tells him to stop. Slam again, and Sharmell looks worried. One two no. Benoit going after Booker again, but Booker lifts him up, and drops him over the top rope. Cole says Booker is currently a 29 time champion, which sounds accurate and I don't have time to fact check. Booker with a whip, back elbow. Kick to the chest to bend him over, kick to the chest to stand him up, standing spin kick is ducked under and Benoit drops him with a chop. You hear Sharmell is a former Miss Black America? Now you know. Tazz: "If you had a crown, would you wear it all the time?" Cole: "No. Some guys do." Whip, kneelift. Booker picked up, Booker dropped with a chop. One two no. Tazz thinks every match is a Must Win, but even more so in this situation (where losing doesn't necessarily matter.) Side backbreaker. One two no. Tazz makes his case that Benoit believes it's must win by pointing out that he's going for pins a lot - which he'd probably do normally, but I should probably give up on this one. Northern Lights Suplex one two no. Booker could use some oxygen. Knees. Chops. Turnbuckle smash. Cole recaps the storyline for anyone coming in 8 minutes late. Knees in the corner. He's taken the life out of Booker all match. Forearm. Corner whip, Booker with the corner sunset flip (though it doesn't go too well), one, Benoit's freed himself. Cole thought it was two, but it was not. Stomp. Right. Booker gets in a knee to stop Benoit. Benoit walks cross ring, followed by Booker and gets in yet another chop, but not as strong as the others. Booker gets in a knee to Benoit. Whip, standing spin kick misses again, because this time Benoit's got the ropes. Booker charges Benoit, Benoit ducks down, and Booker takes a backdrop out. Benoit taking a good long look at Booker on the floor, while Sharmell tries to get some help for her man. Is he going to dive? He's waiting for Booker to get up, waiting, off the far ropes, TOPE TO NOWHERE! Well, he's dead now. Booker dived out of the way, but he's still looking hurt himself. Both guys are down outside the ring, break time. (6:21)

Booker has Chris in a kneeling surfboard as we return. Crowd is rallying behind Chris and he's starting to turn the move. Getting up, turning it around, Booker lets go and turns to face him, and Benoit gets him with a knee to the midsection. Off the ropes, and Booker finally connects on a jumping version of that spinning heel kick. Booker slow to recover himself, but crawls on top - one two NO. We watch a replay as they recover. Booker up first, side slam, one two no. Booker with slaps and punches to (and around) Booker's face. Knee in the back chinlock here, going after that back, though Tazz says he's going neck. Benoit elbows up to get free. Chops once again, backing Booker into the corner, but not stopping them. Corner whip, Benoit charges in to back elbow. Booker out with a jumping side kick, Benoit ducks, and back to the chops. Booker backed up into the ropes by them. Whip, reverse into a short knee by Booker. Scissors kick, Chris moves out of the way, chops again. Booker stops that with a knee to the midsection. Whip, reversed, Booker runs into a Benoit overhead belly to belly suplex! And again! And again! He's doing this all backwards! Covering, one two NO. Benoit picks up Booker, short clothesline - no, Booker reverses it to the Book End one two NO. Booker can't believe Benoit kicked out of the Rock's move. Booker picking up Benoit .Kick, off the ropes, Benoit nails him with a clothesline - he was going before Booker even got to the ropes. Now it's time for a German Suplex. Thumb across the throat, and he's going up. Sharmell is up to something - she's up to the apron, to be exact, distracting Benoit. Benoit moves towards her, but Nick Patrick tells her to get down before anything happens. Benoit goes back in the ring, ducks a Booker clothesline, and German SUplexes him again. Benoit calls for it again, and goes up again. Near Sharmell - but she moves away rather than try something this time. Very long way to go - and he makes it! Swandive Headbutt! Can he get it? One two NO! Fans though it might be over there - so did Sharmell, actually, and she's in the midst of a relieved celebration. Booker rolling out to apron to get a breath of air. Chris after him, but Booker give shim a shoulder to the gut and snaps his neck over the top rope. Suplex to the floor? Booker gets Benoit up, and then starts to lose him completely - Benoit saves his own life by escaping and hooking the ropes for balance. Now they're both on the apron, Benoit gets in a knee, Booker misses on a punch - German Suplex from the apron? Booker hangs onto the top rope for both of their lives, and tries to elbow Chris loose. Benoit lets partially to pound Booker in the back with forearms. Trying to pull him off again, but Benoit doesn't have a good hold and throws himself alone to the floor! Oh man. We didn't got a shot of the impact, just him flying below the barricades, and he's grabbing his head. Booker tries to pick him up, but Benoit is dead weight. They're risking a countout, but Booker pulls him back in the ring by 6. Benoit's very slightly moving, and Booker's wasting no time pinning him, one two...there's a number after two, correct? Benoit didn't appear to move, but Nick stopped counting. We get a delayed switched camera angle showing Benoit's shoulder up, but it almost looks like Nick propped it up. Maybe I'm too paranoid. Sharmell rightly questions it. Benoit isn't moving, and does not look good. Booker picks him up, short clothesline ducked, BENOIT GERMAN SUPLEX! Benoit grabs his head again, and now Tazz is suggesting a stoppage might be in order. Booker back up again, saying something to Benoit as he pulls him half way up, hard head crushing scissors kick sure didn't help Benoit, but might have not only won this match for Booker, but a couple more. One two five billion. (6:51) Booker would like to be as happy as Sharmell is, but Booker is dead. There's the scorecard - Booker 2, Benoit 0. Segue segue segue let's say Eddie Guerrero again.

Eddie Guerrero video package. Not that you asked, but I didn't really like how it went from dedicating four hours to only being seen on armbands. Though, while I'm happy they're mentioning him again, I'm always paranoid. Whatever they do is a billion million times better than CMLL doing nothing, so I'll shut up now. (1:28)

Tonight: Rey Mysterio vs Big Show, "David vs Goliath"

Earlier Tonight, Rey Mysterio said a prayer " ...defeat my opponent tonight, I also beg that you say Eddie Guerrero as my guardian angel so he can look after me while I'm in the ring. I want to thank you for the blessings you give to me and my family." Signs of the holy trinity. "Eddie, this is for you [Spanish], I love you."

Tazz and Cole talk about the bound between Rey and Eddie. 

David vs Goliath video package. Rey explains lucha libre to us. Someone even busted out WCW highlights for htis one. This is a pretty good display of him killing people. They spend a lot of time on Show throwing stretcher-ed Rey into the pole - people who don't watch may be assuming this is directly after that. (3:00)

World Tag Team Champion Big Show (500 pounds) vs  - well, this is gonna be long, or something's up. You ref is Charles Robinson, who'll pat Big Show down right before we go to the break. 

Big Show vs Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 170 pounds) - Eddie Guerrero's music? Eddie Guerrero lowrider. It IS in tribute to him. Eddie Guerrero shirt, same as before. Cole gives the date to the stretcher bit (04/27/03), which is a bit of a surprise to me. Bell rings with 25 minutes left in this hour. Big Show lunges, Rey crawls thru the legs. EDDIE EDDIE EDDIE. Dropkick to the thigh, kick to the thigh, kick to the thigh, kick to the thigh, Show shoves him down with one hand. Rey ducks out from a charge. Trying to slip thru the legs again, but Show closes the legs, and forearms him down. Rey slid out to the floor on his chest. Show slowly goes over the top and out, and Rey quickly goes in. Off the ropes, sliding dropkick knocks Show to the barricade. Rey yells and looks up - and we have another break. Sure the match will last that long? (1:14)

I believe my UPN joins a bit late, so you may have seen more of Big Show chest slapping Rey in the corner. Rey's seen enough, by the looks of it. Rey crawls under the ropes, but Show brings him in the center of the ring, and steps on him. Rey's hurting. Forearm to the back. Rey rolls out on impact, which may be for the best. Show wants out, and eventually convinces Charles Robinson to let him out. Rey leaned up against the apron, and a chest slap. Show brings Rey on the apron, for another chest slap. Show back in. Show picks up Rey by one hand, and bends him over the middle rope. Taking his time to the five count. Cole notes that Show is even working a fish hook. Show putting a boot on Rey's chest, breaking at 3. Rey: "EDDIE! EDDIE! eh eh." Fans pick up the chant, while Show kicks him out of the ring. Show out after him, and Rey manages to get an eye poke. Show is hurting, though getting back into the ring fine. Rey in after him, right, right, left, right, left, right, right, both men are woozy. Big right. Big Show boot nails Rey. Show taking his time, lining Rey up. Setting it up - elbow drop. No cover? Show's pretty happy with himself. Now he'll cover one two he pulls him up! Show tells Charles he'll end the match when he ends the match. Rey rolling out while Show argues. Rey out to the lowrider - and yelling for Eddie again? Eddie chants again. Show out after him  Rey's head into the hood. Rey thrown back in. Show laughing, and taking a look at the car. Rey's pulling himself up as Show observes the fans booing him. Show back over towards ring, and Rey nails him with a swinging dropkick. Rey climbing all the way up. Top rope 'rana, caught! POWERBOMB ON THE HOOD! Robinson out and yelling at Show to back up. Break? Huh. (4:56 here, 6:10 total)

As we return, the trainers and the referees are checking on Rey Mysterio, who has not been moved from the hood of the red lowrider he rode to the ring. Parked much closer than usual, and I guess that explains that. They've got a backboard loaded up for him, and I hope Show's not getting any old ideas. Rey doesn't want help, of course. Did we get a decision here? "BIG SHOW SUCKS! BIG SHOW SUCKS! BIG SHOW SUCKS!" Oh no, he's coming out of the ring for Rey. Rey's still on the car, and everyone flees. "Didn't you hear him? He ain't done yet! He wants to go on!" Show loads him up his shoulders, and carries him in the ring like a sack of presents. Rey's dropped in the ring. Tazz: "Stop the match! STOP THE MATCH!" Charles hasn't stopped it, apparently. We watch a replay of the powerbomb, and hear the loud impact. Show just swatting around Rey on the back. Big slap for his back. One more replay, as Tazz points us to the whiplash affect on his head. Show pulls Rey to his feet by his chin - and now Rey's fighting back. Jumping on up on him and biting his face! Show shoves Rey off - and right into Charles Robinson? What happened to the other three? All the match participants are hurting, but Show clears his face and is ticked. What's he going to do? He now realizes Charles is out - out of the ring and on the floor, actually. Is he going for a chair? Yea, taking Tony Chimel's. Rey's stirring as Show comes back in - dropkick to the knee. Rey's got the chair. Chair to the back of the leg! Again! Again! And to the head! But Show stills stands! Rey can't believe it. To the head again, and Show doesn't fall over - but falls into the ropes! The crowd senses it, Rey runs, 619! Down goes Show! Mysterio can cover, but there's no ref. Mysterio doesn't even think about pinning him, limping to the chair instead. Eddie chants once again. Chair shot to the gut. Rey going out - Rey going up. Eddie chest past and point to the sky. FROG SPLASH. Can he pin him? He bounced pretty far away. Crawling and - BOOM! That's Kane's fireworks. More worrisome, that's Kane, walking to the ring. Rey's standing, but perhaps not for long. Show's getting up behind Rey, and he doesn't realize it. SmackDown guys want to come out here and protect their own show? Rey backs away from Kane, and right into Show's grip. Kane joins him. Double choke. Double chokelift, holding him up, and slamming him down. DONG. Lights out. DONG. Lights on. Undertaker is standing behind the tag team champs, and they don't yet realize it. I'm starting to realize why they left so much time for this match. Cole: "The Dead has risen!" Uhhhh, awkward. Show and Kane are still talking strategy about what to do, and Show figures it was just a trick. Kane turns to talk to Show, spots the Undertaker out of the corner of his eye, and shrugs his head, dropping his shoulders at the same time. Show looks at him and gets a sad face. They don't want to do this. And Kane will not! Kane walks out on Show! Show has no more idea about than you do. Show decides to throw the first punch, and of course that's blocked. Undertaker looks skinny next to Show. Undertaker, right, Show right, Undertaker right, Show right, Undertaker right, Show right (Undertaker staggered), Undertaker right right right and now just a flurry of punches to Show. Whip, reversed, Undertaker ducks and lands the jumping clothesline. No fair, Kane's run in on this match twice! Totally against the rules. He sizes Undertaker up for a chokeslam, but Undertaker gets the goozle first (Kane's an idiot here), positioning, and chokeslamming. Show tires a charge, Undertaker dusks the clothesline and boots him out. Wait, don't we need Show in here to finish this? Oh, I see, we need to clear the ring for Yet Another Run In - Randy Orton pops into to get the RKO on Undertaker. Cole: "Why the hell would Randy Orton do that?" Are you new here? Did you miss the PPV? Are you a moron? Orton backing away and leaving - shouldn't Show and Kane be around to kill him? I guess not. We're waiting for Undertaker to sit up, I guess. Bob Orton joins Randy as he passes by the lowrider and slowly leaves. Or not. Is he looking at Undertaker or the car? The car, apparently - he's opened the trunk, and he's going for a crowbar. Of course, Orton has the worst luck, because just when stops looking, Undertaker finally sits up. Orton's got a crowbar now, but he's not sure he wants to use it. Is the match still going on? Undertaker out after Orton, Orton holding his ground, swinging, and Undertaker blocks THAT. Right hands for Orton. Head into the lowrider. They're never getting the deposit back on this one. Goozle - Bob tries to break it up, and Undertaker decks him instead. That gives Randy the moment he needs to low up - bad looking shot to some area near Undertaker's head. Undertaker lands on the back of the car, so Orton adds on a couple shots to the back of the neck. Cole uses his serious voice, as Randy shoves his dad away. What now? Undertaker is out - or not, as Randy gets him too good with another shot, and Undertaker grabs his head. Is going to drive the car? Shouldn't have left the keys in the car, Rey. Orton's revving the car up - and racing it backwards, thru the entrance oval. Big fake explosion after he tears one of the panels down. Hey, is the match still going? The match? With Big Show and Rey Mysterio? Orton runs from the car, as if it's going to blow up, because, guess what, the stuff he crashed into does blow up, in not the most realistic fashion to start with (guess he ran into the fireworks boxes) but gets a little bit better when the fire kicks up. Did he 'kill' him again, in the exact same fashion? The paramedics wheel out a stretcher, but then abandon it because the fire's too strong, I guess. We never see a body, with the idea that Undertaker fell of the car on impact.   Someone got a fire extinguisher? We're going out like this? (NC? 9:56 here, 16:06 total)

fade to black (no WWE logo)

IS THE MATCH STILL GOING?   

E-MAIL THE CUBS FAN
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