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Meet Mark Henry's New Boss...
Same as Kurt Angle's Old Boss.
January 21, 2006

by Jeff J. Snider
Special for OnlineOnslaught.com


So I was watching Raw on Monday, and I really wanted Ric Flair to win his TLC match against Edge. Why? No, it's not because I am a huge Flair fan. I grew up on WWF, not WCW, and I was out of it when Flair joined the Fed in the early 90s. So by the time I started seeing Flair full time, he was old and flabby. So while I respect Flair, I don't love him.  
The reason I wanted him to win is that I think the whole “Rated R Superstar” thing is dumb, because really, how rated R can you get when the top corner of the screen says TV-14 every hour? So I was hoping the Rated R Superstar would lose his title to a man becoming the New Champion for the 17th time. Get it? NC-17! If there has

there has ever been a better basis for a feud than dueling MPAA ratings, I haven't seen it.

Have you been watching 24? If not, download the first four hours right now, watch them, and record either 24 or Raw this Monday while you watch the other. You WILL be hooked. But just remember while you are watching: only Jack Bauer can drive from L.A. to Ontario Airport in 12 minutes. It isn't physically possible unless you are Jack Bauer.

Let's talk about Smackdown!

My DVR's information screen says we have Rey Mysterio against Mark Henry tonight. One of my favorite wrestlers of all time against my absolute least favorite of all time. Should I push PLAY, or should I fake an illness and try to get out of the recapping. I'm a trooper, so here I go.

Last Week: Batista surrendered his title, and Kurt Angle won the Battle Royale to become the new World Heavyweight Champion.

Smackdown theme song. We are within 72 hours of being live from Florence , South Carolina .

Tonight: We have a big lineup for tonight. Mysterio and Henry in a Number One Contender match, with the winner to face Angle at the Royal Rumble. Also, we have Booker T's United States Championship celebration (which I'm sure won't get interrupted). And also tonight, we have Kurt Angle vs. Daivari.

For the third time in four weeks, we start Smackdown with JBL's limo heading down the ramp. We will end the first segment with Boogeyman scaring JBL off? Bank on it! (Ooh, I like the sound of that. I may use it for myself.)

As Tazz and Cole mention the bandage on Killian Hall's face, we are shown a flashback of last week, when the Boogeyman ate the mole -- or, as Tazz has no called it two weeks in a row, the cancerous growth (because apparently Tazz is not only a doctor, but the kind of doctor who can tell the malignancy of a tumor just by looking at it and making jokes about it) -- off of Jillian's cheek.

JBL vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley hits the ring, and JBL hits an early clothesline to take control. Lashley reverses an Irish whip into the corner, then hits a belly-to-belly suplex and a clothesline, and JBL rolls out of the ring. Lashley follows him, and he gets a thumb to the eye for his troubles. Back in the ring, JBL Irish whips Lashley off the rope, but Lashley holds onto the rope, then charges and hits another belly-to-belly. Lashley follows up with a shoulder to JBL's gut in the corner, then hits a fireman's carry combined with a back-bodydrop. He tries a splash in the corner, but JBL moves out of the way, and when Lashley turns around, he eats a Clothesline from Hell. Just when it seems like JBL has the match won…

The Boogeyman's music hits. Tazz implores Jillian to “Run for the hills!” and Boogey appears from underneath the ring. JBL sees him and stumbles backwards, right into the waiting arms of Lashley, who hits the Dominator for the 1-2-3.

Your winner: Bobby Lashley (3:18)

After the match: Boogeyman eats worms.

Backstage: Kurt Angle is walking, and to cement his babyface status, he shakes hands with Brian Kendrick and Paul London, followed by Matt Hardy, then Rey Mysterio. ReyRey congratulates Kurt, then says, “See you at Royal Rumble after I win the number one contender match tonight.” Kurt wishes him luck and moves on for a few more friendly handshakes, then runs into Mark Henry. Henry rambles on and on about how he is going to win tonight and then beat Kurt at the Rumble, ending with “You can't beat me.” Kurt tells Henry not to ever get into his face again. “I'm the champ, and I'll beat anyone, anywhere.” Unfortunately, he didn't leave it at that. Following up on Monday night's “Tell Daivari he sucks,” Kurt informs us that now, when the crowd chants “You suck,” they aren't talking about him, they are talking about his opponent. “So don't make the mistake of being my opponent, because if you do, you'll suck!”

Elsewhere backstage: Booker and Sharmell are ready for their party in the ring.


Backstage: Jillian is complaining to Teddy Long that because of the Boogeyman, people look at her face now and think she is a freak. JBL tells Teddy to take care of Boogey, so Teddy makes a match for Royal Rumble: Boogeyman versus JBL. JBL doesn't care much for that idea.

Back at ringside, Sharmell introduces Booker T. (Ten dollars to the first person who gets a sign on TV that says, “Sharmell, please step away from the mic!”) Booker struts down to the ring with one crutch, and grabs a mic. He talks about how much hard work it took to beat Benoit all by himself, and declares himself the greatest. After a gross kiss between Booker and Sharmell, Orlando Jordan 's music hits. Well, I assume it's Orlando's music, since he comes down to it, although if you ask me now, an hour later, I will tell you I still have no idea what Orlando's music sounds like.

Orlando tells Booker it should have been him, not Orton, winning the U.S. Title for Booker. O.J. challenges Booker to a match, and Mr. and Mrs. T laugh. Booker tells O.J. that his doctor hasn't cleared him for action, so O.J. pushes Booker down. Teddy Long shows up and makes a match for tonight between O.J. and Orton, who is again acting as Booker's substitute.


Matt Hardy vs. Finlay

This Finlay guy looks like an older, more funny-shaped version of Willian Regal. Let's see if he can fight like Regal. He gets control of the match early, but then he gets cocky and allows Hardy to come back. Matt hits an inverted atomic drop, a slingshot over the top rope, a kick, and a plancha, then lays in with a series of right hands. Back in the ring, Matt goes for a sunset flip, but Finlay blocks it and knees Matt in the head. A few power moves net a series of two counts for Finlay, but Hardy eventually fights back and hits a back-bodydrop. A Side Effect gets a two count, and a couple more two counts follow. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Finlay pushes him away and rolls out of the ring. When Hardy goes for a baseball slide, Finlay pulls up the skirt around the ring apron, and Hardy slides right between the skirt and the ring. With Hardy stuck, Finlay lays in with a few punches, then rolls him back into the ring. Finlay gets Hardy on the ropes and hits another series of punches, failing to heed the ref's five count. At five, the ref calls for the bell, and Finlay is disqualified.

You winner: Matt Hardy (about 6 minutes, I forgot to check the time)

After the match: Finlay demands a mic, and he tells the ref that if he's getting disqualified, he is going to get his money's worth. He lays Hardy's head on the steps and stomps on it, then leaves the ring.

Flashback: On Monday, Daivari cost Angle his match against Shawn Michaels.

Earlier today: Daivari complained to Teddy that Kurt had fired him, and Teddy makes a match between Angle and Daivari for tonight. This would have had more impact if they hadn't already told us about this match.


Video package: Batista's surgery went well, and Batista is eager to get back in the gym and come back to reclaim what is his.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry (Number One Contender match)

The early story of this match is Rey playing hit-and-run, quick guy offense on Henry. He eventually gets Henry to chase him around the ring, but he gets in the ring quick enough to hit a baseball slide and a plancha on Henry. That brings us to…


We're back, and Rey has Henry down in the ring, but it doesn't last long. Henry hits Rey with a forearm to the face, and the large man is in control. Where Rey's entire offense consists of working Henry's knee, Henry's offense consists of doing all the things that fat guys do to little guys. Finally, Rey rolls out of the way of a big splash that, in the interest of full disclosure, was not going to hit anyway. Two dropkicks to Henry's head get Henry in 619 position, but he gets up and levels Rey with a clothesline. The crowd informs Henry that he sucks. Henry hangs Rey on the top rope, the kicks him out to the floor. Back in the ring, Henry military presses Rey over his head, but Rey eventually wiggles out and works some more on the knee. Rey goes for a springboard dropkick, but Henry catches him. As Henry tries to throw Rey out of the ring, Rey holds onto Henry's head and hangs him up on the top rope. He then hits his springboard dropkick, and follows it up with three 619s -- one to the back, one to the gut, and one traditional. As the fans chant “Eddie,” Rey goes up top and barely hits a frog splash. Henry rolls through at a two count, stands up, and powerslams Rey. That's all she wrote. 1-2-3.

Your winner: Mark Henry (11:54)

[I really thought for a few minutes that they might let Rey win this match, even though deep down inside I knew he wouldn't. I don't think there is a wrestling fan alive who would rather see Angle face Henry than Mysterio, but we aren't paying Henry a ridiculous amount of money. Oh well.]


Mr. Kennedy comes down wearing a suit, but he has his new t-shirt over the dress shirt. He teases throwing a couple shirts to the crowd, then tells them to buy their own. He joins the announce table, where he gives the shirts to Tazz and Cole.

Gymini vs. Kendrick/London

The little guys try some team offense to start, but the size and strength of the Gymini guys becomes to much to handle. In a cool move, both Gymini throw London up in the air about ten feet, and he lands on his face. Standard beat-down sprinkled with minor hope spots, and we end with a double slam on Kendrick for the 1-2-3.

Your winners: Gymini (2:33)

[These guys weren't as impressive as in their debut, but it might just be because I already saw them wrestle these guys. I will be interested to see them in action against a different team soon.]


Randy Orton vs. Orlando Jordan

This match had all the same methodicalness (read: slowness) of the beginning of the Orton/Benoit match last week, with a couple notable differences: 1) with no Benoit, we are left with a match between two heels -- and boring heels, at that; and 2) while the Benoit match last week picked up steam later and was intense even when it was slow, this lacks sizzle, intensity, purpose, etc., and never gets any better. At one point, the girls in the crowd try to get a Randy chant going, but it is consumed by the silence. Eventually, Booker and Sharmell show up, and when the ref isn't looking, Booker hits O.J. in the back with a crutch. Orton hits the RKO and gets the 1-2-3.

Your winner: Randy Orton (13:00)

After the match: As Booker gets in the ring to celebrate with Orton, Benoit hits and goes crazy. Nine chops for Booker, a chop and a German for Orton, and for the first time in over thirteen minutes, the crowd cares!

[Honestly, what was the purpose of this match? When Booker was talking earlier about beating Benoit all alone, it should have been Orton taking exception to it, not O.J. But instead, we get Orton defending Booker's honor again, in a match between two guys who elicit nothing but apathy in this situation. Mind-boggling, really. Anyone have any isight that I am missing?]


Raw Rebound: My wife said she'd leave me if I recapped a recap.

Backstage: Daivari is pissed that he has to wrestle Kurt, and he seems scared. But he ends by saying, “I don't know what will happen, but it will be screwed up.” I smell a punchline coming in about ten minutes…

Our last ads

Next week: Benoit vs. Orton, No Holds Barred, One Fall to a Finish

Daivari vs. Kurt Angle (Special “Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop” match)

Before the match can start, Mark Henry and Melina decide to do some loitering around the ring. Daivari tries a sneak attack, which almost works, except that Daivari has nothing in his arsenal that can affect Kurt for very long. Kurt eventually hits a German on Daivari, who rolls out of the ring. Kurt catches him and throw him into Henry's arms, then hits to forearms to Daivari's back that finally knock Henry over. Back in the ring, Angle hits an Angle Slam, then locks the ankle. Melina jumps on Kurt's back, causing the DQ.

Your winner: Kurt Angle (2:13)

After the match: Angle throws Melina down and puts her in the ankle lock. Henry clubs Angle in the back, then brings the steps in and hits Angle in the back with them, sending him out to the floor. Daivari grabs a mic and announces that this really was screwed up, like he said, but that it is Kurt who got screwed. He then announces that he is now the manager for Mark Henry. And we say goodnight.

This show didn't suck. For all intents and purposes, it was a decent show. It is just hard to LOVE a show that ends with Mark Henry as the number one contender, standing over Kurt Angle's body. This show didn't want me to hate it, but it didn't want me to love it, either.



SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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