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OO SMACKDOWN! RECAP
Midgets > Mark Henry
February 12, 2006

by Jeff J. Snider
Special for OnlineOnslaught.com

 

Hey there. So last summer, I was watching a Reds/Mets game on Fox one Saturday afternoon, and the Fox announcer (Thom Brenneman, I believe) was talking about the Reds' dilemma with Adam Dunn. He said that Dunn was going to make around $14 million in arbitration, and the Reds just can't afford to pay him that much, so he guessed that Dunn would be traded during the season. My exact thought at the time was, "Man, you are full of crap." And guess what? I was right! At the time that Brenneman made that statement, the record for an arbitration contract was Andruw Jones' 2001 contract of just over $8 million. I couldn't figure out how Brenneman thought that a guy who strikes out 160 times a season and bats .250 was going to shatter the old record. Well, Dunn is asking for $8.95 million, and the Reds are offering $7.1 million. That makes a lot more sense than the numbers Brenneman was throwing around.
 
"Arrested Development" came to its Fox end last night, and I wanted to cry. Rick was absolutely right the other day when he touted "The Office" and "A.D." as the two funniest shows on TV. Do yourself a favor: if "A.D." gets picked up by another network, watch it. It needs fans, and it deserves fans, because it is absolutely hilarious. There is talk that it might get picked up

by Showtime, and I kid you not when I say I would subscribe to Showtime just for that show. Go buy the first two seasons on DVD right now, and you will not be disappointed.

Okay, let's get down to recappin' business.

Last Week: Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, and the ghost of Eddie Guerrero started a feud.

Opening Theme, Pyro, Etc. - And we're live-on-tape from somewhere in Georgia ( Columbus , maybe?).

Tonight: The Undertaker will take on Mark Henry, and we will have a Fatal Four-Way match between Chris Benoit, JBL, Orlando Jordan, and Matt Hardy, with the winner facing Booker T at No Way Out for the U.S. Title. And there's Matt Hardy's music, so I guess that match is right now.

Chris Benoit vs. JBL vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Matt Hardy (Fatal Four-Way , #1 Contender match)

After the four principles enter the ring, Booker T and his thankfully-mic-free wife come down to ringside to enjoy the match. The match starts with Hardy hooking up with OJ, and Benoit tangling with JBL. Hardy gets an early two count on OJ, but JBL breaks it up and throws Hardy out of the ring. We end up with OJ outside the ring with Hardy, and Benoit and JBL tie up in the ring again. Benoit locks the crossface on JBL, but OJ makes the save. JBL ends up outside the ring, where he serves Hardy a nice helping of steel steps. Back in the ring, Benoit ducks a clothesline from JBL, and hits him with a release German suplex. Benoit then locks in the crossface on OJ, but JBL breaks it up.

Throughout the match, Booker is openly rooting for Anyone But Benoit. Booker tries to play up the fact that JBL and OJ have a history of working together, and Tazz and Cole play along, but it seems like someone forgot to tell JBL and OJ, because they don't work together any better or worse than two heels in a Fatal Four-Way match always do. But the story at the announce table is that Booker will be happy with anyone winning, as long as it's not Benoit.

Back to the action. Benoit hits a DDT on OJ, and then he and Hardy double team to throw JBL into the steps. Benoit rolls back into the ring and hits about six headbutts and a superplex on OJ. Everyone is down (I'm not sure what happened to Hardy, but he's down too), so we go to…

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Back in the ring, Benoit gets a two count on OJ, then locks in the crossface, which JBL breaks up. JBL hits a second-rope elbow drop on Benoit, which also gets a two count. Hardy takes out JBL, and he and Benoit go face-on-face for the first time. Hardy hits and elbow and gets a two count, which is broken up by JBL. JBL hits a DDT on Benoit, and then OJ joins in to help with a double suplex to Benoit, then another for Hardy. OJ holds Hardy up to help him eat a clothesline from hell, and gets dumped by JBL immediately afterwards. JBL gets a two count, but Benoit breaks it up. Benoit hits the Three Amigos on JBL and a Hat Trick o' Germans on OJ, then lands the flying headbutt on OJ. JBL barely musters the energy to break up the count.

Everyone's back up, and JBL hits Benoit with a boot to the face, which OJ follows up with a DDT. JBL covers Benoit, but OJ breaks it up. We have dissension in the ranks. OJ goes in like he's apologizing to JBL, and dumps him outside the ring. OJ then covers Benoit, but Hardy breaks it up and hits a Side Effect. Then, out of nowhere, Benoit locks in the crossface on Hardy, and he taps.

Your winner: Chris Benoit (16:56). Not a bad match, but nothing special. I guess the main story here is that Booker is afraid of Benoit, and they did fine getting that across. But there wasn't much sizzle to the match, and it seemed like a foregone conclusion that Benoit was going to win -- especially to those of us watching at home, who could hear Booker rooting for everyone else.

After the match: Booker is pissed, and Benoit is happy. They show us a replay, and then they cut to backstage, where Booker and Sharmell are walking. They run into Teddy Long, who informs Booker that no matter what his doctor's note says, if he doesn't wrestle Benoit at No Way Out, Benoit wins the title.

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Backstage: Kristal is about to ask JBL about the match, but JBL screams that he was robbed. No one beat him, because no one CAN beat him. Cue Bobby Lashley, who invites JBL to put his money where his mouth is at No Way Out. JBL doesn't know about that idea, but Jillian Hall puts her mouth where JBL's money is and accepts.

Elsewhere backstage: Matt Hardy is getting medical treatment, and MNM walk by. Melina excuses herself from her guys, and she sits down next to Matt. She tells him he needs to be on a winning team, and when Matt asks her what she's talking about, she says, "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." I guess if you can rape Melina and only get charged with sexual harassment, I guess it's safe to scratch her back.

Elsewhere elsewhere backstage: Josh Matthews is with Mark Henry and Daivari. Daivari is angry that everyone is only talking about Angle, even though Mark Henry is the man. Henry says that he is going to destroy the Undertaker just like he did to Batista.

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MNM vs. London/Kendrick (non-title, open challenge match)

MNM come down and challenge any two takers, and Paul London and Brian Kendrick accept. I apologize if any of you want a firm play-by-play on this match, because you ain't gonna get it. I could try, but I couldn't do it justice anyway, and I wouldn't enjoy it as much. Let's just say this was a fast-paced, high action match, and I had to hit the rewind button on my DVR three or four time so that my wife, who only watches wrestling because she loves me, could see a move again. Kendrick and London are sharp, energetic, and amazing, and they should get ten minutes every Friday night.

Anyway, at the end of the match, Kendrick was your face in peril, and when he hit his hot tag to London , referee Charles Robinson didn't see it, so he pushed London back to the corner. (You know you're a cruiserweight when you can get pushed around by Charles Robinson.) Anyway, while Robinson was distracted with London , Mercury and Nitro hit a Snap Shot on Kendrick, which gets the 1-2-3.

Your winners: MNM (6:15). This match was ridiculously fun to watch, and I can only hope they are setting up a feud between these two teams, not just serving the little guys up as a first course for MNM. A little on the short side, and I would love to see these two teams go at it for fifteen minutes or so on a PPV.

Up next: "Orton sets the record straight." Cole has no idea what that could be about.

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Backstage: Orton is standing there, and he is greeted with an "Eddie" chant. Orton wants to set the record straight, and rather than remind us what he said last week, he decides to show us. So he does, and when we get back, Orton is gone. Tazz and Cole are baffled again: "He didn't set anything straight, he just showed us a tape!!!" But then Orton's music hits, and he drives out in Eddie's lowrider. Now I guess he will set the record straight.

"Did I really mean that Eddie is in hell? I don't know. I don't have any idea where he is. And I don't care. I said what I said to piss off Rey, so that he would give me a match to win his number one contender slot. And it worked perfectly." Blah blah blah destiny blah. As Orton is about to read an excerpt from Eddie's book, Rey jumps him from behind. The tumble down to ringside, where four refs pull Rey off of Orton -- but not before he hits a dropkick that drives Orton's head into the ringpost. As the crowd chants for Eddie, we go to…

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Moments ago: I think you know what happened.

Gregory Helms vs. Nunzio (Cruiserweight Title match)

This is the match we have all been eagerly awaiting ever since Nunzio corrected Helms' inflection on "Forget about it" last week. As the match begins, Kid Kash comes down to watch, and we are informed that Kash will be Kashing in his rematch clause at No Way Out against the winner of this match.

Here's my problem with this match: No one cares AT ALL about Nunzio. No one has cared much about Helms since he stopped having super powers. And no one really cares about Kid Kash. To top it all off, this match is absolutely nothing special, nothing that Tazz and Cole usually brag about with the cruisers. This match is slow, a but sloppy, and boring, which are three things a CW title match should never be.

Helms is in control for a while, and it looks like it might be a squash. Then Nunzio takes control for a couple minutes. Then Helms ducks a clothesline and hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere. 1-2-3.

Your winner: Gregory Helms (4:17). Maybe Kash and Helms will do better at No Way Out.

Backstage: Kristal is with Palmer Cannon, who brings out the juniors. Mr. Kennedy shows up for no apparent reason, and then Burchill the Pirate shows up. The juniors all run away, Burchill says hello twice, and then he walks away, leaving Cannon and Kennedy looking confused.

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Pequeño Violencia and Octagoncito vs. Mascarita Sagrada and Tsuki (Juniors match)

Like last week, I am not going to recap the juniors match, but once again, it was very fun to watch. The crowd got WAY more into this than they did with the cruiserweight match before it. I am a Southern California boy, so having grown up learning quite a bit of Spanish, I enjoyed hearing Cole and Tazz butcher some of these names. Pequeño Violencia (meaning "little violence") became Puh-kween-o Vo-len-sa (meaning "Cole is a tool"). So anyway, eventually, Finlay comes down and breaks up the match, destroying all four juniors. Afterwards, he grabs a mic and reminds us that no matter how big or small his opponent, he's here to fight.

No contest (about three minutes, but no official ending bell that I heard).

Raw Rebound: Hey, if Rick doesn't recap my recaps, I sure ain't gonna recap his.

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No Way Out preview: Apparently, I don't recap PPV previews either.

Parking Lot: Booker and Sharmell are walking to their car, and when they get there, they find their trunk full of worms. Sharmell still can't act scared.

Mark Henry vs. the Undertaker (No-discernible-reason-for-this-match match)

We get Henry's entrance, then we go to…

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We're back just in time for Taker's ten-minute entrance. As Taker's coming down, Tazz says, "Mark Henry doesn't look like he's sweating the dead man." My wife says, "Well, he sure looks like he's sweating something. I guess it's hard work carrying that rack around."

The story of this match is that Taker isn't used to fighting someone bigger and stronger than he is. The other story of this match is that I have decided to count how many wrestling moves Henry does in the match, with the over/under at 10. Henry gets Taker down in 619 position, but when he goes to jump on him, Taker moves, and Henry slides between the ropes to the floor. He is embarrassed and we go to our final…

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We get back just in time to see Taker throw Henry through the steel steps. Punch, punch, kick to head, elbow to head, kick to head, apron leg drop. Taker is in control, and he gets a two count. Old School drops Henry to one knee, and Taker follows up with a flying knee in the corner. He tries a second one, but Henry catches him in a bear hug. Body slam gets two. Daivari chokes Taker when the ref isn't looking, which just makes the dead man mad. Taker comes back, and hits two clotheslines in the corner. He goes for a choke slam, but Henry counters into an Irish whip. Taker comes off the ropes in a flying clothesline, and then he hits a pretty impressive looking chokeslam on Henry. Daivari calls for help, and MNM come down and attack Taker.

Your winner: Undertaker (DQ, 13:29). For those of you scoring at home, Henry's total count of wrestling moves was seven, with nothing more complicated than a body slam. They were, in order: shoulder-block, clothesline, bear hug, headbutt, body slam, headbutt, Irish whip. As you can see, I gave him some major leeway on what I considered a wrestling move, and he still only got up to seven. In over 13 minutes!

After the match: Taker dispatches Mercury and Nitro, clothesline to Daivari. Going for double chokeslam on M&N, but Henry attacks from behind. Angle comes down and hits Germans on Henry, Mercury, and Nitro, but then Henry knocks him down. Taker sends Henry out of the ring, and it's just the two faces (and opponents in nine days) left in the ring. Taker hands Angle his belt, and they look at each other.

Then Teddy Long shows up and makes a match for next week: Mercury, Nitro, and Henry vs. Angle and Undertaker. And we're out.

[Bottom line: Not a bad show. Unfortunately, the most enjoyable parts were also the parts that aren't necessarily building to anything big (although we can hope that the London/Kendrick vs. MNM match was the first of several). They advanced storylines on Benoit and Booker, but didn't do much to add any sizzle. I guess my overall analysis is that this was two hours that I didn't mind at all, but when it was done, I am not necessarily looking forward to the PPV in nine days much more than I was at the beginning of the show.]

 
E-MAIL JEFF

BROWSE THE SD! RECAP ARCHIVES


  
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PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
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PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
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PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
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RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
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RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
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RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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